[Tony]

My son is 1 year old today. It was a difficult pregnancy. My wife was nauseous for 6 months. Then, just as she was starting to feel better, she had a bleeding episode. We rushed to the hospital, where it was discovered that pregnancy was in placenta previa, meaning that the placenta was blocking the birth canal, a potentially fatal condition for both mother and child.

After 4 days in the hospital, the doctor released my wife, but confined her to bed rest. We were at 32 weeks. The doctor said that ideally, we would wait until week 37 for the c-section, but that he honestly didn’t think we would get past week 34.

So we prayed and waited. God provided. We made it past the 37 week mark, and our son was born healthy and beautiful on March 14.

No big point to make here, other than an expression of thanks to God for His care.

And, ammunition to lay on the guilt when the boy gets older.

[Tony]

I don’t want an insignificant life;
I want to be more than I’ve been.
But the temptation is to compromise;
Mediocrity’s the sin.
I refuse to sing in pointless rhymes,
Just to tickle itching ears.
I need vision for short-sighted eyes,
And strength to face my fears.
I don’t want an insignificant life.

I no longer value the world’s endless pace.
Mortal acceptance just wearies me.
And I’m so tired
of this faithless heart that has no love.
I’ve tried Your patience long enough.
I want to be
The man I’m called to be.

I don’t want an insignificant life;
I want to be more than I’ve been.
But the temptation is to compromise;
Mediocrity’s the sin.
I refuse to sing in pointless rhymes,
Just to tickle itching ears.
I need vision for short-sighted eyes,
And strength to face my fears.
I don’t want an insignificant life.

[Tony]

There is a love that has never changed.
There is forgiveness for sin.
There is a call to the heart estranged,
And there and be peace within.
There is a way to eternal to joy.
There is a truth that we should know.
There is a life to be lived in full,
And Jesus is making it so.

Jesus has always loved you.
He holds you in His sight.
Since before there was time,
He has had you on His mind.

There is a hope for a brighter day.
There is a promise of life anew.
There is a Light that reveals the way
And Jesus is shining for you.

Jesus has always loved you.
He holds you in His sight.
Since before there was time,
He has had you on His mind.

There is a love that has never changed.

[Tony]

Unfinished thought I had in the car that I wanted to put down somewhere.

On the subject of church growth and relevance…

Unfortunately, some churches have concluded that relevance means the pastor wears a tasteful icthus ear stud, and the communion elements are now asiago cheese flavored wafers and a robust merlot.

The truth is, the Gospel is an offense to the lost world, regardless of how we package it. And while they desperately need to hear it, they’re not going to necessarily like it, nor are they supposed to.

On the other hand, the fact that the Gospel is offensive doesn’t mean we get to join the party.

[imagebearer]

Hey Tony. Just read your blog today. You've done much in ministry that I hope to do. Anyhow, have a good weekend in St Louis.

blessings,
imagebearer

[Tony]

That's very kind of you to say, Imagebearer. I'm obviously hitting the highlights -- there's lots of icky parts that I just a well not have endured.

I'd be curious to hear your story as well. What's brought you to youth ministry at this juncture in your life?

[Tony]

A weird week. Monday was so pleasant. Steaks on the grill (I’m 3 for 3 in the grilling season so far – chicken, pork steaks, then beef – all turned out great). The evening temperature was in the 50’s, so after putting the kids to bed, I sat outside and lit up the hookah (a souvenir from my middle east business trip last fall). Man, what a great evening.

Then came Tuesday. I was involved in a little fender-bender last Friday while on my way to work. A kid crossed my lane trying to get to a parking spot. Not a lot of damage, but the information she gave me (home phone & address, insurance company & the like) was all wrong, so I had been a little miffed at her dishonesty. So Tuesday morning I finally track her down, only for her to feed me more disinformation.

I was fuming. Turns out it wasn’t even her car. So in my myriad of phone calls, I end up talking to (yelling at) her fiancé/boyfriend/father of her unborn child for awhile. Toward the end, I said, “Look, I want to be compensated for my damages, but I’m much more interested in her, at some point in this process, to attempt to do the honorable thing. Tell the truth, and take some responsibility for her actions.”

It never happened. The dude (for that’s all I can really call him at this point) and I worked out a financial arrangement, but I’m not convinced that she ever came to grips with what she did.

But on the other hand, why should she? I’m going to assume at this juncture that she is not a believer, and therefore, isn’t she merely living within her world view? Protect yourself at all costs, even lie if it keeps you out of “trouble” with authorities.

So now I’m wondering how to behave should I happen to communicate with her again.

And I’m considering a new route to work.

[Tony]

Was thinking about the mantra that my wife and I exchange from time to time:

I will always love you,
I will never leave you,
But if you should decide to go,
I will hunt you down and kill you.

I have the best wife in the world.

[Tony]

The music store in the mall next to my office has been “going out of business” since January. They’ve done so well that the company has been sending them stuff from other stores to clear out before closing its doors.

Which means I’ve been spending way too much time and money buying half-priced cds over the past few months. Some of it’s been good stuff, others have been experiments that sometimes pan out, but usually end up becoming coasters.

Monday I bought the soundtrack to the movie “The Commitments.” Every time I watch that movie I find myself wanting to be in an Irish soul band. And now that I’ve been listening to the soundtrack, I daydream a lot about the same thing.

Isn’t it interesting how some movies or other media images cause you to do that – dream about doing something completely outside of your “normal” life? I wonder if there’s anything to that.

[Tony]

Unfortunately, I need a Mother’s Day gift idea. Need to explain…

I’m divorced, and have since remarried. I have a daughter by my first marriage – she’s now 8. Sometime next week I will take my daughter shopping to buy a Mother’s Day gift for her mother, my ex-wife. It’s important that I respect the mother-child relationship, and teach my daughter to honor her mother. But frankly, I have no respect or admiration for the woman.

So it’s tough for me to buy her something nice.

This is another reason why God hates divorce, because He knows that the injury will linger for years, if not the rest of one’s life.

[Tony]

Mrs. P died yesterday afternoon. She is survived by a husband of 50 years, 3 children and 6 grandchildren.

She was a tenacious, obstinate, busy-body of a woman. Compact, almost bulldoggish. She was loud, and never let a conversation take place where she was not heard. She could be infuriating with her nose stuck in everybody’s business.

But she loved her three children with a fierce loyalty, never missing a game, performance, recital, awards banquet, or whatever they did, with an unwavering belief in their ability to succeed. She saw to it that they were raised in the church. Even when one of them was rebellious and worldly, no matter what time he got in on Saturday night, he was going to go to church and sit between his parents if necessary.

She loved her church with the same loyalty. Taught Sunday School, played piano for the children’s choir, worked at the pre-school, and was a youth group sponsor.

Her youngest daughter is the same age as me, and we grew up nearly as brother and sister, living many years across the street from each other. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time in Mrs. P’s house. And I wasn’t the only one…

There were always kids in the house, some even lived there for periods of time. And often Mrs. P served as a surrogate mom, cheering for the other kids as loudly (almost!) as her own.

There are dozens of people that are better adults today because they knew her when they were young. Her children are godly parents, servants in their local congregations, influencing their communities for Christ.

I miss her so already…

Godspeed, Mrs. P. I’ll see you again.

[Tony]

Played my new guitar at worship last Sunday. What a hoot.

I picked up a Variax by Line-6. It models several different guitars. So Sunday I played a ’59 Strat, a Gibson J-200 and a Guild F212.

I look at the members of my church’s band, and see that all of them have invested considerable dollars into their instruments. All but one of us play exclusively at church, which I guess you could interpret 2 ways:

1) We want to offer our best in worship by buying really good instruments.
or
2) We want to justify the purchase of really good instruments by saying we play for church.

I’d like to give an honest answer, but I’m going to have to think about it for a while, and check my motives.

[Flyguy]

*cough*two*cough**cough**cough* umm...so where were we? Oh yes, how do you like the Variax?

[Tony]

Yeah, I know... that's what I'm afraid of.

I really like the Vx (that's what the hipsters on the Variax forum call it). I normally play acoustic, but also like to grab my MIM Strat every once in a while. This way I don't have to switch guitars just to switch guitar sounds.

I'm looking forward to using some of the other sounds: reso, semi, Ric (killer!).

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to review my amp situation. So I'll probably get another bad case of GAS in the near future.

I know, I know... more of two

[Tony]

Leaving tomorrow morning for a week of vacation. I think I need one. It’s been hard to keep focused at work; I’m feeling bogged down in my duties at church. I need to get away to a completely different environment for a little perspective.

I also need to get away from my computer for a bit. Even CGR can consume precious time and energy that might be better spent elsewhere. I’m not sure how I’ll go through a week without checking email and message boards, but I think it’s an important and healthy thing to do. It’ll be just my luck that it’ll rain every day and the hotel will have a business center with internet access.

I’ve grown fond of some posters here – less fond of others – but the truth is, I don’t really know anybody. Just your electronic personas. I project my conceptions of what I think you are like, and react (sometimes overreact) accordingly.

And none of you know me either.

So I’ll be on the beach with my kids and the rest of my wife’s family next week. And when I come back (as I’m sure I will), I hope to be refreshed, calm, and with a renewed sense of grace in my communications.

See ya soon…