Not quite sure if this is a song or not...

tropicana · 09-22-2002, 09:39 PM

What do you guys think?

Prodigy

You run like quicksilver through my hands,
a fearless prodigy.
Determination, you know where you stand,
More talented than I.

How can I be the sensei,
If you won't be my student?
How can I teach the prodigy
To do what I couldn't?

Your skill exceeds my boundaries,
Your greatness grows beyond.
Inborn with gifts too great to fathom,
Growing deeper through our bond.

How can I be the sensei,
If you won't be my student?
How can I teach the prodigy
To do what I couldn't?

If I could walk a mile, you would walk three or four.
If I could fly the distance, you wings could take you more.
If we should try to swim, you'd leave me by the shore.
If I should learn to teach you, you'd shock me to the core.

How can I be the sensei,
If you won't be my student?
How can I teach the prodigy
To do what I couldn't?
For I have found a prodigy
To do what I couldn't.

Avalanche 126 · 09-23-2002, 07:31 AM

its kinda confusing and the lyrics dont determine a definite object of which the song is talking about. but there is deepness i see in it, it just should be brought out more. i think it has a lot of potential to be a really catchy song.

Scott · 09-23-2002, 12:47 PM

That is a truly gorgeous song. And it should definitely be a song.

I think it was left indefinite on purpose, by the way, Avalanche.

One change is all I'd make, and that is the quicksilver analogy, which is a bit clichéd.

tropicana · 09-23-2002, 07:54 PM

Let me explain the quicksilver connection:

I originally wrote this in CGR Lit's freestyle thread (I'm sure we'd love to see any of you songwriters in there

) The word was "mercury". I just hit the quicksilver cliche, and then I rambled a bit. I'll probably replace it with "liquid" which works.

"BrooksB" · 09-23-2002, 11:12 PM

try something more unexpected than water--- like.. i don't know, something slippery or elusive. that may be a good spot to throw in some allusion or something.

i like it though. I didn't think of it as a song till now-- good thinkin tropi!

Wobbit · 09-25-2002, 12:48 AM

ya, like YOGURT

...or maybe not yogurt

Wobbit · 09-25-2002, 12:49 AM

how about
"a hot knife through butter"?
or something to do with 'sand through your fingers'
that'd be kinda cool

Scott · 09-25-2002, 12:41 PM

Both clichés, go for something different, completely. Something slipping through your fingers is old news.

Maybe planets through the ether, or something.

"BrooksB" · 09-25-2002, 03:09 PM

that was a really good one, scott! you should claim that one for yourself, man!

Scott · 09-25-2002, 03:19 PM

If tropicana doesn't want it, I will, lol, but you are free to have it tropi.