[SCCdcTFreak]

Hi everyone.

I'm gonna try and make this an everyday thing for me here. I've never really kept a journal, and this sounds like a cool way to do it, so I'm gonna make this my inaugural (sp?) journal post. Most of you all know me round here as Stephen, but if you don't, allow me to introduce myself.

Hi, my name is Stephen.

Today has been okay for me, but not the greatest. I had an okay day at work, and then suddenly when I got in the car to drive home, I had what started out as just a minor headache. I was thinking it will pass really fast and it will all be okay by the time I get home. Well, I was wrong. By the time I got home, the headache had gotten about 10x worse, and it was then accompanied by a fairly strong stomach ache. So, I took my temperature and saw that it was at 100 and took some NyQuil and went on to sleep. I felt so bad that I didn't even feel like eating. That's sad, y'all 'cuz I'm a good eater. But, upon waking up from my nap about an hour and a half later, I felt 100x better and my mom had just gotten me some food. So, upon eating what I felt like was the best spicy chicken sandwich I'd ever eaten, I felt another 10x better. My head still hurts a little now, but I'm doing a lot better than I had been. I'm not sure what started it or anything, but I'm glad it's in the past now.

As far as the rest of my life, well, most of y'all know that I am in a WONDERFUL God-filled relationship with Delaina (singin4him82) and I tell you that things could not be any more awesome for us. God has really been guiding our relationship, and our feelings grow MUCH stronger every day. I'm not gonna try to make this a thread that will make y'all sick of hearing about our relationship, but at the same time, if I've got a thought that has to do with it on here, nothings gonna keep me from sharing it.

Last night, she came over to meet my family, and it was wonderful. Everyone liked each other a lot, and that's HUGE, 'cuz both of us want to have great relationships with each others' family as well. We both feel this is probably the last relationship we'll ever have to be in, and that confidence grows SOO much more each time we're together or talk together. My prayer is that if God does not want us together permanently that He would let us know that soon, 'cuz we both feel like He's gonna tell us yes, and we don't want our hopes to stay up too much longer.

All in all, my life is wonderful right now. I went to a D/FW radio career fair on Tuesday night and I'm waiting to hear back from a couple of stations. My prayer in this matter is that God will give me an opportunity that I can't refuse, although if He doesn't, I'll still be okay. I just have a lot of career stuff going on right now, 'cuz I've got a few things in mind that I want to do, but I'm just waiting on God to give me direction.

Well, I'm gonna go now. There will be another post tomorrow. I love all you guys here and feel free to post comments to me.

In Him,
† <>< Stephen

[SCCdcTFreak]

Well,

Today has definitely been much better for me than yesterday. The headache and everything are pretty much gone. I'm at work at the moment with ESPN's never-ending football team videos from last season airing to keep me company.

I've done a lot of football related stuff today, 'cuz my work's fantasy football league draft day is on Monday night. But, that's all little stuff in the grand scheme.

I've spent the rest of my day just thinking about my future. What's God got in store for me? Where will I be 10 years from now? I see a lot of things happening now that are preparing me for that. While I don't know what God's got specifically planned for me, I have a really great peace right now about my future and my preparations I'm making for it right now. With all the things going on for me right now, I honestly don't see any of them not being something to prepare me. I feel God working so much right now in my life, not just as far as my career, but also in my relationships. I've been closer to God this past month and a half than I've ever been, and it's the most wonderful thing I've ever felt. I know that following Christ obviously won't be this easy, but it's times like this that I know God is at work in my life.

I get to see Delaina late this afternoon as we get to spend time together one last time before she starts school and our time together will be less frequent. It still looks, though like we'll get to see each other at least once a week, so it's really not that bad.

Well, another tape deck calls my name as it begs to be re-loaded. I'll be back again tomorrow.

In Him,
† <>< Stephen

[SCCdcTFreak]

Well, (sorry, 4 days without writing, this is gonna be long)

I guess my plans for this being an every-day thing have been thwarted, but all is good and all is okay. You see, it all started on Tuesday, I believe when the power went out early that morning at about 7 am cuz of a really rainy and windy storm. The power stayed out all the way until about midnight that night. I'm glad to say, however, that I didn't have to stay at the house in the un-air conditioned environment. See, the power people had told us that since only four houses on our street were without power that the other more populated areas without power were ahead of us on the list. In all, about 80,000 homes in the D/FW metroplex were without power that day. I can tell you, though that it really made my house seem insignificant.

I'm glad to say, though that I got to spend the day in the air conditioning with my sweetheart at her house. It's not like I made plans to leave and go to her house when I saw that the power was out, I had already planned on spending the day with her. I feel bad for my dad who was home all day with the heat.

Delaina and I had a wonderful day together and went to a really awesome bible study at her church that night. The speaker was an awesome teacher and kept the attention of everyone very well with his ability to be funny and creative with his delivery. However, he didn't have one of those "just make you feel good" sermons that are usually aimed at youth and college students. There was actually meat to this sermon that made me want to stay in the center of God's will.

Wednesday was just a typical Wednesday for me. Pretty much the highlight of the day was having a really good worship time during our service that night. I feel the kids getting more and more into the worship when I lead and they focus more on God and His spirit than just singing or listening to me play.

Thursday was another wonderful day, pretty much because I got to see Delaina agian. We spent a good part of the evening just being together at the park with her brothers and our friend Heather there. We had a wonderful evening of just being with each other and talking to each other about God and what was on our minds. It's funny . . . the best times we have together are when we aren't spending money to have a good time, but just being with each other. I really love that.

Today has been pretty much a lazy day for me. I had to come in to work at 3pm today, so I've pretty much just taken it easy and got a good sleep in this morning. I have to say it was nice to wake up and see that the MLB and MLBPA had come to an agreement without stopping baseball, although I have to say that I'm not quite as interested in baseball as I have been. Don't get me wrong, though it's still my favorite sport. I just feel a little dissapointed that the disagreements made it as far as they did. It's not gonna stop me for loving the game, though. I don't really think anything can stop me from that.

Well, that's all for today. I'll be back tomorrow to post more.

In Him,
† <>< Stephen

[SCCdcTFreak]

Wow,

I never thought it would be possible to go through so many emotions in such a short period of time. I went through pretty much every possible emotion in about a 24 hour span since yesterday.

Despair -- It all started when I was worried about the future that God holds for me and unsure of whether or not I was on the track that God has for me in my career and in my relationships. This led to the next emotion that I felt . . .

Confused -- I felt overwhelmed by some of the things that I need in my life right now, as well as lazy about the fact that I'm not in school right now and felt that I was just spinning my wheels in life and not really going anywhere. I then had a really good talk with Delaina on the phone about a lot of this stuff, which led to my next emotion . . .

Sorrow-- I felt like I was not being the person I need to be and putting my focus more on other relationships than the one that I most needed to focus on -- my relationship with God. The one who gave me my relationships to begin with. Continuing my talk with Delaina led to the next emotion . . .

Encouraged -- Delaina did a very wonderful job of lifting me back up and helping me realize that it's normal to lose focus on God and that it's definitely not too late to turn back to Him. I wasn't horribly way off course or anything, just enough to start feeling bad about it and not get as much out of my relationship with Him that I could. Still talking to Delaina and beginning to wrap up the conversation led me to the next emotion . . .

Loved -- She helped me to see just how much she cares about me and how much God really cares about me and that God is in control of everything. All I have to do is have faith in His power and His strength to get me through things and to pull me out if I get in over my head. I then went to sleep and in the morning I felt the next emotion . . .

Tired -- Just going through the emotional trip I had gone through the night before made me one tired dude, but I woke up and went on to the Counselor Training for the Billy Graham Mission, which made me feel . . .

Relieved -- The subject was "Making God the center of your life" and I was just so encouraged because God was just backing up everything that I'd thought about last night and helping me know that if I let it be, it will be really easy to let Him back into the control seat. I apologized to God for not giving Him the attention I deserved. When I got home, though, I felt the next emotion . . .

:kshock: Stunned -- I found out that my Great Uncle had passed away this morning and that my grandfather was the one that found him. I felt horribly bad for my grandparents because they both love him so much and he's been a huge part of their lives ever since they moved out to East Texas to live next door to him and helped take care of him. He'd lost a battle to cancer that took his legs away from him about 10 years ago. After thinking about the situation more, I felt . . .

:ksad: Grieved -- I realized that I had not taken every opportunity in my life and my Uncle Alvin's to show him just how much I love him. I was afraid sometimes that if I went over to talk to him that he'd talk my ear off, but I know that he was just pretty lonely and wanted someone to talk to. Then, as my thinking continued, I felt . . .

:kangel: Rejoiceful -- I know for a fact where my uncle is because I know for a fact that he had been saved. This quickly counter-acted my grief and helped me to realize that he now has his legs back and a "heavenly body" and is no longer feeling the pain and grief that this world brings you. He's now in Heaven and walking the streets of gold. I'm actually jealous of it now. Then, as I drove to work, I felt . . .

Calm and collected -- I started crying when I heard "God is God" playing as I drove in to work. That song has always been a favorite of mine, but has never meant as much as it did to me to hear it at that moment. I know understand totally that God is always gonna be the one in control and that I need to make the most of every opportunity that I get to show love to someone because I never know when it will be my last chance. I know God has control of this situation and that He has something wonderful and beautiful planned. I can't focus on just one small thing because it's only a minor pixel on the screen of a huge masterpiece that God is putting together.

This collection of emotions has helped me to realize today that God is in total control of everything in my life and that He's up to something at this very moment. I know He has great things planned for me and that I can do wonderful things if I have faith in God and His leading me. I know God's won't put me in a situation that I can't handle, 'cuz even when I feel like I can't, that's when He becomes stronger and pulls me through further than I could ever imagine. God is SO awesome and He's up to SUCH a WONDERFUL plan. I know now that even though things may look bad, there's always going to be an end to the storm and a rainbow behind it. I can't wait to see what God's got in store for me.

My feeling now -- Peaceful -- God's on His throne controlling it all

My song -- "God is God" by Steven Curtis Chapman

In Him,
† <>< Stephen

[Singin4Him82]

I know that after you wrote this you went into a whole other rollercoaster or emotions *hugs* but I have a verse for you .

[B]We rejoice too,when we run into problems and trials for we know that they are good for us-they help us learn to be patient. And Patience develops strength of charater in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady.[B]

love you sweetie!

[GRibbit]

Hey Stephen!
Ya know, I've never met a guy as strong in Christ as you are. Brandon and Ryan are definately up there, but when I see you I can see Christ shining through you! It's such an encouragement.
Stay Strong! You're a great guy and a great friend!!

[SCCdcTFreak]

Well,

Today has been a lot better day. Yes, I did go through another roller coaster of emotions last night just because I had some doubts about what God wants from me and I kinda felt things falling apart, but in actuality I know now that things have grown stronger. Delaina did another wonderful job of making me feel SO WONDERFUL and has been a good firm rock for me to lean on, even though she doesn't always feel like she is.

God really got my attention at work last night because I was going to practice my guitar a tad to get my mind off of some of the things that were going on at the moment. Well, God quickly showed me that He had other plans when I broke a string about 5 minutes or so into my practice. I then decided "yeah God, you're right, I think I need to use the Bible to get my mind off instead." So, I had a really good quiet time about putting God at the center of my life.

I then had a really good talk with Delaina about a lot of stuff on the phone later and I can't tell you how good I feel now. I know it seems like I talk about her a lot, but she means that much to me and has been that much of a support to me. I honestly can't describe my life right now without her being a major portion of it. I love you too, sweetie. But, enough of the sweet mushy stuff, and on to other things . . .

We had a wonderful worship service this morning that made me feel really good. A cool thing that happened was that since I broke my guitar string at like 9 last night and had to play in church this morning, I had no chance to buy more strings, so I needed a backup plan. Well, it just so happened that my best friend Casey for some reason that he really didn't know why brought his guitar to church this morning. He told me that he had just felt like he should bring it but didn't know why. Well, when I go to church, I asked him if he had his guitar and he was like, "Whoah, I knew there was a reason I needed to bring it." That was really cool, and the service was really awesome. The message was about change in our lives and how God uses it to change us. Yet another thing that had been on my mind. God is SO AWESOME, and that doesn't even begin to describe the way I feel.

I then had a nice lunch at a steakhouse here in Hurst, and it was soo good that I didn't even have to put any steak sauce on the meat. Now that's good right there. And, that pretty much brings me to where I am now.

I have a lot of special people in my life, and it's just been awesome thinking about how much God has blessed me with EVERY person in my life. I know that God has them all in my life for a reason and with a lot of them, I'm seeing those reasons because I'm either impacting them and showing God to them, and with some they're showing God to me. Then, with some other relationships, I know it's worked both ways. I'm very thankful for every single one of my friends, relatives and of course my wonderful girlfriend.

I hope everyone has the kind of people to lead them towards God and encourage them the way I have.

Mood: Extremely Happy :kgrin:

Song: It's still "God is God" -- it's helping me see things right now

In Him,
† <>< Stephen

P. S. -- I thought about making this a PM, but I want everyone to know how I feel here. Heather -- I just want you to know how much of an encouragement you've been to me. Delaina has shown me some of the stuff you've said you've seen in our relationship and it just makes me SOO happy to know that we're having that kind of an impact on you. You've been a wonderful friend to us and I know that you've been a good advice giver for Delaina and I'm very thankful for all of that . Thank you for the wonderful things that you say and do to encourage us. You're quickly becoming a good friend to me as well as you are to Delaina, and knowing that you see Christ in me is really the biggest compliment you could give me. Thank you Heather for your friendship. You ROCK!!

[SCCdcTFreak]

Yeah, yeah, I know, the actual date on this post says it's the 5th, whatever. This is the journal entry for the 4th, 'cuz I've been awake since then. I'm at work right now, got set up with the overnight shift to finish the week in order to cover for some peoples that needed their Labor Day holiday. Lemme see . . . Where did I leave off last? Yeah, it was on Sunday, that's right. Well . . .

Monday was a really good day. I met Delaina's grandparents, and they are wonderful people. They are both very sweet and I enjoyed meeting them and am glad that they felt the same about me. I met two of her little cousins, and they insisted that I look like a Ken doll. I dunno if that's good or bad, but okay, I guess . . .

It was then after seeing Delaina for part of my Labor Day that I left for Karnack for the funeral of my Great Uncle Alvin. It was wonderful to see my family and see a lot of family members that I just vaguely remember from my childhood.

The service was Tuesday morning and was wonderful. It was evangelical, which was the way Uncle Alvin would have wanted it to be. They read a poem that he had written, although I can't type it for y'all right now 'cuz I don't have the copy in front of me here at work. But, I'll try and remember later today to come on and type it for y'all after I get some sleep to make up for working overnight tonight. After the funeral, all of our family went to my grandparents' house for lunch. I was there a while, but had to leave early for an Evangelism training meeting for the Billy Graham Mission that night. Delaina and I went to that together and then enjoyed a gourmet (yeah right!) meal at McDonalds with her brothers and Heather. It was definitely not food at it's finest, but hey, it was fun.

Today was pretty boring. I was planning on sleeping in most of the morning to prepare for the shift I'm working now, but my dad had other plans and I helped him sweep up the grass trimmings from his edging work at the church. It wasn't bad, and hey, I was doing a service for the Lord, so that made it definitely not as bad. But, I was wiped out when I got home, so I then took a good 3 hour nap. I then went to church at around 5:30 and found out there some more bad news about a guy that was a friend of mine that had gotten jumped by 12 guys and had to go to the emergency room. It just seems like when I've recovered from one piece of bad news, something else happens. I guess that's just Satan trying to get me completely down, but I know that will never happen, 'cuz I've got God to lean on and put my trust in. He's doing okay, although they got him really bad on the right eye, and he looks like something out of a Rocky movie. I'm not kidding. The sight of it made me nautious, and I usually am not very weak-hearted.

God spoke to me through that though, and helped me to realize that if I had been the friend that God wanted me to be ministering to him and drawing him back to God, he probably would not have been in the situation he was in.

Well, this is going on and on and rambling, so I'm gonna end it here. Just know everyone that my friend is doing fine and will definitely be okay, but at the same time he's gonna be in a lot of pain tomorrow when the morphine or whatever they've got him on right now wears off. He's definitely in my prayers, though and I'm gonna be there for him more often now.

mood: Just kinda here

Song: "I need you" by Jars of Clay

In Him,
†<>< Stephen

[SCCdcTFreak]

Well,

Some things have been going on lately in my life that would normally make someone just kinda scream out and get mad and wonder what is wrong with me? But, I'm not that kinda person. I'm not saying I handle things well, however.

My problem is that I usually try to be a "hero" and take matters into my own hands until people get frustrated with me or give up on me or just get a little peaved with me trying too hard. I've pretty much had a history of this my whole life, and I realized last night and today that I've been doing it again lately. While I haven't had the easiest week in the world, I realize that it could be a lot worse. This makes me think that I can handle things on my own and I'm realizing just how wrong I am. It's not my place to handle anyone's worries or troubles in my life, not even my own. I have to leave that up to God. It's Him alone that will pull us out of whatever small dip in the road we've fallen in or the canyon that reaches well below sea level. Whatever the extreme, God is there to pull us out and take care of us, but only if we ask Him to and not try in our own little feeble human capacity to fix things ourselves. I think that's where we just get ourselves into the most trouble.

So, from now on, when I find myself in a tough spot, or a friend comes to me with a tough spot, I'm going to work harder at being a friend, or as in this case, a boyfriend and not try so hard to be the "Hero." I owe someone very special an apology for trying too hard to fix things on my own and not just letting God take control and showing the support that I need to. I guess that's really all that's been on my mind pretty much most of the day. I hope everyone has a wonderful day and comes to realize that God is indeed the one who takes care of us when we allow Him to.

Mood: -- relaxed just a tad, not really a whole lot yet, though, but at least I know now that I can't worry about things, but just leave it to God.

Song: "I Surrender All" by Clay Crosse

In Him,
† <>< Stephen

[GRibbit]

Very awesome Stephen!

[SCCdcTFreak]

Hungry -- hmm . . . what does that word make you think of? I know in my case I use this word SO often in my vocabulary, along with Hungry's three cousin words right before it. (I am SOO) I'm a growing young man, so naturally, I'm pretty much constantly looking for a skittle or two, a candy bar, a rack of lamb . . . Nah, but seriously, I'm just one of those kinda dudes that's contsantly hungry. I've been thinking, though. I've probably been my hungriest lately, but I'm not thinking of cupcakes, hoagies, snacks and midnight runs to Taco Bell. I'm talking about spiritual food.

I know I've been SO hungry lately for God's word. I've learned in my life that in order to be a properly "fed" Christian, you aren't gonna get full just sitting in a pew two days a week. I mean, going to church is important, but to actually get your daily sustenance, you've gotta have a quality quiet time. I've neglected that in a few ways lately, and that's caused me to pretty much spiritually starve myself and has kept me from being able to do things I've done in the past.

That's a lot like not eating enough every day. You may not notice it at first, but it's gonna catch you sooner or later and you're going to start getting worn down by it. At the beginning of 1 Corinthians 3, Paul compares God's word with food and how it should nourish us based on what our needs are. Obviously, you're not gonna try to shove a steak into the mouth of an infant, while a big 350 lb. NFL linebacker is not gonna be satisfied with a puny 12 oz. bottle of formula. Our spiritual maturity is exactly the same. The more we grow in Christ, the more meaty and heartier portions of God's Word we're gonna require. I think this is where some of us (I know I have) have messed up. I think sometimes we become satisfied with less than we really need to be truly satisfied. I need to start filling up on God's word until I'm full, reading and applying God's commands to the point that I'm about to burst with His guidance. I need full of the Scripture to the point that I'm about to burst. I think that's when we really become nourished in the sense that we need.

So, if you're hungry, don't be a fool and deny what you need -- EAT!!! Eat until you can't eat anymore. I think you can never be too full of God's Word. I pray that God would give me the passion and desire to step up to God's buffet line.

Isaiah 55:1-2 NIV
Ho! Every one who thirsts, come to the waters; And you who have no money come, buy and eat. Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. 2)"Why do you spend money for what is not bread, and your wages for waht does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, and delight yourself in abundance.

God's got a buffet line waiting. All we have to do is step up and take in all we can. Now, where'd I leave my Chocolatey Chip Teddy Grahams . . .?

Mood: :kduh: EXTREMELY HUNGRY (in more ways than one)

Song: (Tell me you did see this coming, right?) Hungry -- P/W song that a lot of different people sing

In Him,
† <>< Stephen

[Jay42]

Hi Stephen!

Yeah - I struggle with the 'Hero' thing too. Being a rugged individualist is what American culture emphasizes - especially on men. But it's so detrimental to God's model of humble submission to Him. Sometimes, instead of trying to fix everything, we are actually being called to cope or to remain "helpless" while being sympathetic to another human. It may not make sense in the world's eyes but the wisdom of God flies in the face of the world's way of fixing things.

Great sig by the way!

Hi Delaina! Hi Heather!

Jay

[Singin4Him82]

Hey Jay!! Great words of wisdom .

Stephen you're doing SO MUCH BETTER with that issue!I can see you growing in Him everyday!

[GRibbit]

Hey Jay!!

[Singin4Him82]

*crickets chirping*