Mo's Blog

maux · 12-12-2003, 11:00 PM

here, dear friends, is my newest rant. it is regarding josh. half of the time he acts like he likes me. my other friends are convinced he likes me. but i'm annoyed. and so i wrote this... a lot of it is a bit over dramatized, but i'm a drama queen, so what do you expect? when i originally wrote this, it was addressed to him. i was tempted to send it to him, but i don't think it would have the results i'm looking for anyway, i think i may have some material for some good future poetry in this... so i'm posting it here. if you don't care, don't read the rest of this post.

i really hate it when people just sign off. it really bothers me. a lot of what josh does bothers me, but you know what? i like him anyway. is that pathetic or sweet? i really can't tell.

and you know what? if i didn't have to worry so much about what he thinks... i'd be a lot cooler to be around. at least, i would be in my opinion. he's too critical. maybe he doesn't notice, but he is. and it's hard to fit his description of perfection.

but, then again, he's also shallow. and, so, i guess no matter how i change, it's not going to matter. because i'm not gorgeous. and i can't help it.

so, i guess my dreams are just screwed. it's all just absolutely worth nothing. i don't know if he thinks i'm not good enough for him or what... but i'm good. oh, i'm good.

but should i just give up? i hate his moodiness. what's up with that? he's worse than i am. my moods change with the temperature, but his change without any type of warning. he needs to find some way to warn me! he's driving me out of my mind with teasing, cruelty, and hope.

ha. and the funny part is that he's not reading this now... at least, he shouldn't be, unless he's blocked me and he's really online reading what i wrote. in which case, i really hope he's reading this.

because this is how i feel. these are the words that i can't fit in in our conversations. these are the words that could start up conversations for hours, but won't, because he doesn't care. and he'd probably laugh anyway.

he probably thinks i'm "blonde" and stupid... well, i'm not. he just doesn't give me a chance. i get too shy around him because i feel like i have to work at being his friend. i have to fit. i can be myself, but i can't let myself go, or else, what will happen? he decides he doesn't like what i am... and then what do i do? change me? that's impossible.

edit: he's not really as bad as i make him sound... this is just my pessimistic view. please disregard the references to his character.

Sarah_13 · 12-13-2003, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clean

here, dear friends, is my newest rant. it is regarding josh. half of the time he acts like he likes me. my other friends are convinced he likes me. but i'm annoyed. and so i wrote this... a lot of it is a bit over dramatized, but i'm a drama queen, so what do you expect? when i originally wrote this, it was addressed to him. i was tempted to send it to him, but i don't think it would have the results i'm looking for anyway, i think i may have some material for some good future poetry in this... so i'm posting it here. if you don't care, don't read the rest of this post.

i really hate it when people just sign off. it really bothers me. a lot of what josh does bothers me, but you know what? i like him anyway. is that pathetic or sweet? i really can't tell.

and you know what? if i didn't have to worry so much about what he thinks... i'd be a lot cooler to be around. at least, i would be in my opinion. he's too critical. maybe he doesn't notice, but he is. and it's hard to fit his description of perfection.

but, then again, he's also shallow. and, so, i guess no matter how i change, it's not going to matter. because i'm not gorgeous. and i can't help it.

so, i guess my dreams are just screwed. it's all just absolutely worth nothing. i don't know if he thinks i'm not good enough for him or what... but i'm good. oh, i'm good.

but should i just give up? i hate his moodiness. what's up with that? he's worse than i am. my moods change with the temperature, but his change without any type of warning. he needs to find some way to warn me! he's driving me out of my mind with teasing, cruelty, and hope.

ha. and the funny part is that he's not reading this now... at least, he shouldn't be, unless he's blocked me and he's really online reading what i wrote. in which case, i really hope he's reading this.

because this is how i feel. these are the words that i can't fit in in our conversations. these are the words that could start up conversations for hours, but won't, because he doesn't care. and he'd probably laugh anyway.

he probably thinks i'm "blonde" and stupid... well, i'm not. he just doesn't give me a chance. i get too shy around him because i feel like i have to work at being his friend. i have to fit. i can be myself, but i can't let myself go, or else, what will happen? he decides he doesn't like what i am... and then what do i do? change me? that's impossible.

edit: he's not really as bad as i make him sound... this is just my pessimistic view. please disregard the references to his character.

Awwwww. sounds like you had a great time last night!!!

That must be hard the way he's acting. "Not worthy"! Remember that?

Hehe. But seriously, just be yourself. I'm not sure what to say exactly.

But just be yourself.

i've gotta run. Talk to you later.

maux · 12-14-2003, 01:29 PM

thanks sarah. you're so sweet.

maux · 12-14-2003, 02:09 PM

this is a super picture.

airsoft101 · 12-14-2003, 03:55 PM

VERY cool picture.

airsoft101 · 12-15-2003, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clean

well, this is my first post. duh. my life is really quite a mess this week. i just started public school on tuesday. this is the first time i've attended a public school since 1st grade. then i was homeschooled. so it's a big change. really weird. lots of rushing around and homework. but i'm enjoying it. i'm seeing lots of people who could definitely use the Lord in their lives. and i'm working to not be influenced by them in a bad way. haven't quite made any friends yet, but there are some prospective people on the way. i hope. i guess we'll see. song of the day: toxicity-system of a down.

ok, well, guess that's it for now. i'll write again asap. layta.

august 23rd, 2002 8:45pm

I am homeschooled.

maux · 12-15-2003, 04:26 PM

oh really? how do you like it? have you ever been to public school? private school? i like public school and i like homeschooling, but i never really cared for private school.

Cataplum! · 12-15-2003, 04:34 PM

Hey! Don't diss private schools. They rock!

airsoft101 · 12-15-2003, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clean

oh really? how do you like it? have you ever been to public school? private school? i like public school and i like homeschooling, but i never really cared for private school.

No I have never been to public school or private school. And yes I do Like it.

Sarah_13 · 12-15-2003, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clean

this is a super picture.

wow! very unusual! it looks like it's the middle east somewhere..india..

Very neat new avatar, too!

***Art*** · 12-16-2003, 03:38 AM

Good morning, Mo.

maux · 12-16-2003, 02:15 PM

hey matt. private schools are ok. i, personally, didn't care for private school life when i was there, and i highly doubt i'd care for it if i went back. but, you know, everyone's entitled to their own opinions.

wow. never been to either? my sister hasn't either. she likes homeschooling just fine.

thank you, sarah.

morning, art. good to hear from you again. just to know for sure you're still alive. how's it been going with you? anything good happen to you lately?