Constructive Criticism, please

noredr2

Been playing for 3-4 years, and songwriting has always been the most frustrating part. i have 4 or 5 written, and want to get some good feedback (i feel like my friends are being too nice). One's recorded and can be downloaded from http://www.geocities.com/jdoggjdogg/we_come.mp3

The other is below. This came about one day when i was trying to pray, but kept thinking about this girl i had just gotten to know and what i'm gonna do after i graduate college in a year. i've held on to fears about all of that stuff for a long time, and i got really angry and just started journaling out my prayer. this song is what resulted. Oh yeah, to clarify, "it" = fear

Too Perfect

I sit down to pray
Is today the day
Will it finally be over?
Start to talk, get it out, come before you with all I have, knowing you hear.
But it feels like something, holding on………, holding me back, I can’t get it out.
Over and over, every day, it just keeps coming back,
Holding my thoughts, keeping my mind, I can’t get away.

This fear inside is not from you,
Your plans are too perfect
Too much of this world gets in
Makes me think again
I know it’s in your hands,
But my thoughts are in my head,
Holding tighter when I try to let go

You show me it takes time, but how long is too long?
Haven’t I learned what you want me to know?
Guess not, it’s not done, but it feels like forever
I long to change, but it goes so slow
It’s in my head, but it’s in your hands

……take my mind, shape it,
Take the fear, erase it
Take my plans and teach me

i'll have a recording of it as soon as my roommate finishes mastering it. thanks for any responses to either song. noredr2@hotmail.com