Something not new...not old...

Angel Silver · 06-05-2002, 11:39 AM

Well here it is, open to critisim (CONSTRUCTIVE cristism that is... ^_^). Not used to posting lyrics, but if I want to get any better, I guess I'll need some help

Have at it. By the way, anyone have some hints on structure? abtcjx@aol.com (I could use them)

Chorus
I don’t know why
We keep looking at the sky
You say You’re right here with us now

When we pray and when we sing
I just can’t help from wondering
Whey are we always staring
At the ceiling?

Is it because You’re coming back here
And You’ll come from the Eastern Sky?
Or is it that illusion, that childish delusion
That Heaven can be seen with earthly eyes?
You see, I just can’t tell,
Though I am guilty too…
Why do we always look up, to see You?
Oh tell me please oh Lord, why I’m staring at the sky

V1
After spending time with You one day,
I got down on my knees
And as I said “Amen” again
I was lookin’ up at the ceiling fan!

And the thought just jumped straight in again,
Why do we look at the sky?
Oh
Why do we look at the sky?

Chorus

V2
Sometimes it’s not even the sky we see
A light, a fan, or just the trees
And I can’t quite tell
Though I’m wondering as I’m staring at the fan again
Why we’re looking up instead of around
Since You’re with us always until time ends

Bridge after V2
And maybe it’s just habit
A natural reaction
But I still don’t understand why
We keep lookin’ at the sky!

Chorus

V3
No Father I don’t know why
And Abba I just can’t tell
I guess it’s like looking at the floor
Whenever we think of Hell.
But Heaven’s not visible to the naked eye
And as far as I know
Neither are you
But we’ll keep staring at the sky looking up
At times when we think of you

End Chorus
I guess I’ll never know why
We’re staring at the sky
I guess I’ll never know
Why our eyes always go
When we pray and when we sing
And when I’m wondering
My eyes always go to the sky

It may be because You’re coming back someday
And You’ll come from the Eastern Sky
Or it may be that illusion, that childish delusion
That Heaven can be seen with earthly eyes

You see, I just can’t tell,
And I guess I’ll never know
‘Til I get up to Heaven and look down at Earth and go
Why did we always look up, to see You Lord?
Why didn’t we just look beside us?
After all, You always said You’d be right here to guide us.

God bless,
Angel Silver
Romans 10:9

Jeff · 06-05-2002, 01:14 PM

very poetic and beautiful, Whoeveryouare. I enjoyed reading it

HeavenOnAStick · 06-05-2002, 03:02 PM

Quote:

V1
After spending time with You one day,
I got down on my knees
And as I said “Amen” again
I was lookin’ up at the ceiling fan!

you might want to change it from "I got down on my knees" to "I get down and pray" that way it ryhmes. Just a suggestion, you don't hvae to use it.... but if you dont, I know where you sleep!!!

well, not really, so you don't really have to use it.

Angel Silver · 06-05-2002, 09:13 PM

Hmmm...what about

"After spending time with you one day
I got down on my knees and prayed
And as I said "Amen" again,
I was staring at the ceiling fan!"?

Sound a little better? PLMK

God bless,
Angel Silver
Romans 10:9

HeavenOnAStick · 06-06-2002, 08:22 PM

yeah, I like that better

06-07-2002, 08:49 AM

aah thats cool

Angel Silver · 06-07-2002, 09:31 AM

Many thanks

God bless,
Angel Silver
Romans 10:9

Scott · 06-07-2002, 01:43 PM

uhh, three points.

1) You might want to make another thread for your other song

2) The image in your sig doesn't work

3) You might want to change this line (from the new verse)

Quote:

"After spending time with you one day
I got down on my knees and prayed
And as I said "Amen" again,
I was staring at the ceiling fan!"?

since prayed doesn't rhyme with day, different last syllables.

Wobbit · 06-12-2002, 08:46 PM

i really don't think that rhyming is that big a deal
if people worried so much about rhyming then we would run out of original lyrics extremely fast. thats why losers like blink 181 have such stupid songs.
good songwriting is all about rhythm and flowing is more important than necessarily having to rhyme.
so i think i might just keep it the way it was to begin with.
but it really is all about personal taste

on a side note, just out of curiousity - why is everyone so uptight about things like this having to be in 'specific' threads and stuff?
its in the songwriting category so whats the big deal?
(i'm not being an annoying poopoo head, i'm just curious)

Wobbit · 06-12-2002, 08:47 PM

blink 182 also rights some pretty dumb songs
but blink 181 is far worse...

:klol:

Wobbit · 06-12-2002, 08:48 PM

or even WRITES

...man, hehehe

Angel Silver · 06-14-2002, 06:03 PM

Thanks for all of your interest Wobbit

I had posted a poem off of the top of my head a little while ago while responding to a comment on the lyrics here though

I really appreciated your feedback

God bless,
Angel Silver

"If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, then you will be saved"
- Romans 10:9

Scott · 06-14-2002, 06:18 PM

Wobbit, surely if you are going to bother rhyming your lyrics, you should do it properly? If not, don't bother.....

Alumit · 06-14-2002, 07:54 PM

Actually, I agree with Wobbit. (But I'm in no means saying you are wrong; I think it is all a matter of opinion) Even Emily Dickenson, on of the literary greats, used this type of rhyme. It is called "slant rhyme."

Here's an example:

A narrow Fellow in the Grass
Occasionally rides-
You may have met Him - did you not
His notice sudden is

- Emily Dickenson, poem 986 (Also known as "An narrow Fellow in the Grass)

She demonstrated this type of rhyme throughout her career, as have many others. Once again, however, it is all a matter of opinion.

In the palm of His hand,
Alumit