[passinthru]

Originally posted by audiopunkgirl
no one else knows about my si

i'm not a cutter

but i'll tell you why i do it.
when things get real bad, i start to feel like someones put cotton in my ears, i cant recognize peoples efforts to cheer me up as that, i dont hear anything but the intense noise inside my own head.
when i put that hairpin to my arm, i hear this satisfying pop and all the sudden, the cotton in my ears is gone, i can see that Jesus is the way.
the only other way i've found this can be accomplished is with the mutilation of someone else....
for me, its either hurt me or hurt them, and up until this year, i always chose to hurt them, but i've taken up si, its safer, i dont get in trouble so much, and only i get hurt, not both of us.

have you ever cnsidered getting help?

yeah you aren't a cutter per se but you are into SI which is a hard ting to ever stop doing. yeah burning is easier to explain away....can music help at all?

katie+

[audiopunkgirl]

lately, music has been one of my reasons for cutting/burning/whatever.....


i cant handle the whole high school band thing apparently

at least not at my high school


i do find some release in my bass guitar though.



music used to be my excape, and it still could be i guess, but the whole band thing isnt working, and it breaks my heart for it to be this way....


as for getting help, i've been too embarrassed. it seems i can never be good enough for my parents as it is, they wouldnt handle my mental problems very well.

[Consumingfire]

Um ok let me just state for all to read, this is not ment to offend anyone in any way shape or form, so please do not take this personally..

From what you guys are saying that it is like an "escape" and it brings you back to reallity, and it's very addicting, and hard to stop doing.....
It sounds to me like it could almost be a drug type thing....
It's like a high, one that you cant do without.......
am i right, or correct me if i am wrong....
Just kinda wierd to me, not the people who do it but the way they talk about it....
PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE AT THIS........... I APPOLIGIZE NOW FOR ANYONE WHO MAY BE OR IS OFFENDED BY THIS.....
Gabe

[passinthru]

Gabe,

you're right it is an addiction. and while it doesn't give a "high" it is just another coping mechanism like drugs and alcohol.


audiopunkgirl,
is it ok if I PM you my thoughts on your last post?

Katie+

[Brandon]

Hey.

I'd like to say a few things:

1. Thanks to all whom are praying, your prayers are much needed
2. Last time I posted here, I left angry, no, correction, I was furious...I just couldn't understand why you guys could not see, why we do this sort of thing...I am sorry for my actions, and apoligize...especially to Nate, my words were targeted to him...
3. People, please just try to see what we are going through here... we hurt inside, and don't know why...literally, I was crying when I saw that people actually care for me here (then all the peeps in my class saw me and started looking at me funny...), I didn't see that before, I was too angry to...

you're right it is an addiction. and while it doesn't give a "high" it is just another coping mechanism like drugs and alcohol.

that's exactly right, dare i say it, it actually feels good to hurt yourself....I don't know why...

BLESS!!

Brandon (kadesh)

[smitty2622]

Brandon, and all the others with this problem, please remember there are people who LOVE you, I love you all very much, and your Father loves you too. I know that’s hard to understand, but it’s true without my Fathers love, I wouldn’t be able to love any of you but with his help ALL things are possible! I don’t understand all this stuff with cutting, but addictions I do understand all too well. I hope you all come out of this bondage and are set free by the holy spirit, I pray you will all come out better Christians and able to use your experience to help others with the same type of problems. God can and does use bad things to bring out good in people. Keep the faith, and rest strong in your Father. Things will get better.

Peace

[froggee501]

I don't really know much about the topic of cutting, I don't know that I know of any cutters, but I think this is right....... a lot of people, when trying to commit suicide, slit their wrists because that is an area where a lot of blood can be lost quickly, enabling you to die faster.

[passinthru]

smitty,

thank you

Originally posted by froggee501
I don't really know much about the topic of cutting, I don't know that I know of any cutters, but I think this is right....... a lot of people, when trying to commit suicide, slit their wrists because that is an area where a lot of blood can be lost quickly, enabling you to die faster.

I'm gonna ask that we keep the infomation about this type of thing to a minimum. If you need/want more graphic infomation please PM me or email me katieplus@msn.com because it's not gonna help anyone to have it here. I know you're just asking froggee and I'll PM the answer to you. i guess I'm asking that the actual methods of how we SI be left off of our posts. If you need to describe it then PM me and I'll listen.

Katie+

[Nate]

Originally posted by Brandon
2. Last time I posted here, I left angry, no, correction, I was furious...I just couldn't understand why you guys could not see, why we do this sort of thing...I am sorry for my actions, and apoligize...especially to Nate, my words were targeted to him...

It's ok. No hard feelings.

I will keep praying for all of you... Brandon, Katie, etc.

In His love,
Nate

[passinthru]

Originally posted by KeyboardFreak
I will keep praying for all of you... Brandon, Katie, etc.

Nate, thank you. I know you don't understand and I wish I could explain it so that you can. i"m sorry. :ksad:

Katie+

[audiopunkgirl]

sure katie, pm me anytime, it would probably help, actually being able to talk to that wouldnt try to be understanding but actually is.


hmmm, i'm pretty happy right now, so i think i'm going to leave this topic before it becomes 'hazardous to my health'...nvm, its a theatre joke.




*goes off to the theatre memory part of her brain and starts to sing....suddenly seymore!*

[GMartin2R]

Wow this is an area of life that i really had no clue existed.

So in that case i really don't have anything to say on this. I've never see this second hand or otherwise. anyway...

[Brandon]

Hey, I'm back...

I want to thank you all for your prayers and consolations...to all those who have been there for me, I thank you, you could never imagine how much that means to people such as katie and me...where each day is a struggle to live, not knowing from one second to the next whether or not you can take it any more and having to deal with the ridicule, and the pain, and all those who don't understand, and want to make jokes about it....thank you for your support...It means so much...

Today, reading your comments on what I have said, I actually cried, thanks to all vwho have helped me press on in this struggle...especially to katie, she's a trooper...I won't say much, but I know she has been through a lot, and there is no telling what she has really been through, all I can see is a glimpse, a shadow of what her life has been like...katie, I thank you for sticking up to me when I became angry, thank you for taking the brunt of It, it made me burst into tears, literally. I deserved all that I had coming, but you know what, she took it all, in a stride, unhesitantly...kind of like what Jesus did for all of us, took all of our sin, and, without a hesitation in His mind; died for us...

So, what I am saying, is, try to understand from our point of veiw what it's like, living on the edge...

And, pray for katie, she's been there, through it all, and has come out kicking...but still, she needs support, the support of other christians willing to lift her up, and carry her to the finish, well, that is all I have to say...

Bless!!

Brandon(kadesh)

[Brandon]

Hey,

Oh yeah, thank you also Nate, for forgiving me, I didn't deserve it, I know, and thank you for your prayers, especially after I got that mad at you, I expected you te get even angrier than I..

BLESS!!

Brandon(kadesh)

well, part of the reason it is so addicting is quite easy to explain. When injured the body releases not only adrenaline (a stimulant) but endorphins into the blood stream. If you've ever heard the term "endorphin high" that's the type of thing we're talking about here.

Ever had a headache so bad that you punched a wall, just so that your hand hurting would distract you from your head for a while?

Essentially you're using the physical to distract from the mental. It's all quite elementary when you get down into it.

The trendyness of depression. Oh, isn't it quite, they're so emo, they're depressed. It makes me ill, in a lot of ways. People, depressed because it's trendy, because it's hip. Because they had a bad day and someone told them they were, and they got sympathy. They decided to keep going with it. It made life better.

The problem is that not all of us have it that easily. Sometimes you have a glimmer of a good day or moment, sometimes it's in the middle of years of blackness. Months, years, who can remember. All i know is that it hasn't been a decade yet. only got about 4-5 years to go for that. It's been a long time.

Some people no matter how hard they try, pray and place their faith can't do it. Some people are missing certain physiological chemicals that regulate how the brain controls information, and in turn how you process feelings and emotions. it controls your outook on life.

God has allowed the medical profession to discover how to replace these chemicals (through a very non-exact science) and help a lot of people out. Family of mine have been helped. Even through faith it wasn't doing it for them. Finally a doctor could help. it was truly a gift from the Lord.

Some of us, like myself have never been officially diagnosed. semi-officially perhaps, and armchair doctor for sure. Some of us don't like doctors, labels or being tied to drugs. So we continue in the blackness of life. In reality it's probably not the best choice.

The fire calls to you sometimes, so do the painkillers. They'd like you back, like to have you again. It's almost like a bad movie where the mistress is stalking the fellow, and all he wants to do is get away, but he can't.

It's a suicide prevention tool, in all reality. The edge of the steel against the epidermis. They seem to make it all go away, leave the troubles of the world behind. you don't really want to leave at that point. So you're ok for a few days, a few hours. Maybe even months or years. But you know it's always there, waiting for you when you need it.

Passive suicide, that's another god topic. What happens when you decide that you don't want to die, but you don't really care if you live anymore? It makes some things easier. Talking to people for instance. Apathy runs rampant. You don't really try to do anything that would save your life. I mean, that truck is not that close to where you're crossing the road, why hurry up. He'll miss you by an inch or two, why worry?

Why bother looking to cross the street? it's not that important after all. It isn't going to affect the world as a whole if you are suddenly and inexplicably removed.

Sometimes the only thing that can restrain the suicidal tendencies of the passive mode, is commitment to things here, be it family, friends, work, music... it doesn't really matter.

One thing i forgot to add was that the wrist is a convenient place a lot of times. As are legs and other parts of the body. Most people don't want these found out, and will go to incredible lengths to hide it. Getting attention, and the cry for help, no that's not usually the case. Sometimes people get desperate and try it. sometimes it's just people who are trying to show off. (reference the first few paragraphs about trendy people). Anyway, it's late here and i've already said too much. I hope that i haven't said anything to make anyone mad though. :-|

much love