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Unread 04-19-2016, 02:07 AM   #1
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Arrow

A Novel by dogfood

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Unread 04-19-2016, 02:08 AM   #2
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This book is dedicated to Mark Sumpner, who always asks if I have finished writing my book yet.

1
I'm a wizard kind of person. I don't wear a pointy hat or have a magical robe but I can do the old wizards fire from my fingertips if I have to. Mainly I use that for burning up the piles of leaves that the whirlwind's gather in the autumn. I tried it on my guttering once too, but it melted. I can change animals into other animals, quite handy when there are a lot of flies around, hence there is always a lot of colourful butterflies around, and bees. They make the most amazing honey. And since I made them, they don't sting me. In case you're wondering, yeah I'm a tree wizard, or garden wizard or small animal wizard. And my cat adores me. When it's not asleep.

I've just returned from cleaning up after a battle. I had to re landscape parts of the fields where heavy action had taken place, all those explosions erupting the earth cause quite a damage. Usually, if they are near a water source then I make them a water feature. Pools with lilies and frogs, playing guitar serenading each other. I had to teach them to use nylon strings as the early morning mist was causing the steel strings to rust. But they're happy. They sit there dangling their legs in the cool water as I work amongst them sorting out bones and wrecked weapons. Actually on that note, it's good to wear safety shoes on an old battlefield, too many spent broken arrows lying around and sticking up. There are always scavengers after battles, but I do my best. I like using suits of armours for flowers to grow over. And I arrange the skeletons to spend time with each other, keep company I guess. Nothing worse than a single skull staring off into space.
Anyways that's what I've been doing for the last month, I'm booked up for the next two months with a couple of sites up north. Yeah, so, I'm a busy kind of person.

One of my hobbies if you can call a hobby a hobby when you are consumed by the hobby, is furniture restoration. One of my biggest delights is seeing old wood restored to its former glory of when it was still as a tree. I suppose I pray for trees, I see it more as awakening them and encouraging them to grow again. It's pretty cool, I have some amazing trees around my house. Problems that I um do have, is that sometimes when I'm asleep my um hobby, hobbies by itself. I've woken up with bed trees growing through houses. Chairs firmly rooted to and through the floor. I get distracted by bookcases, boats, carts, gates and fences and tables. Some places I'm allowed to go back to,others I'm not, other owners don't always appreciate their new look houses, mansions and castles.

I like inventing things, yeah I have lots of great ideas. Self milking cows to sheep that take their own wool off when they get too hot. Trying to teach animals things like this can be pretty tricky. Trees that gave up fruit at a particular time, and I don't mean like in seasons but that they network with the other trees and produce variety to benefit the picker. None of this "oh I'm going to grow my apples at the top of the tree just to annoy the farmer deal", no, my trees always produce fruit on the lower levels.

I hate it when the birds eat the fruit, here in my valley on the second Tuesday of each month, they come in and negotiate what fruit they need and when they would like it. If I'm not here they talk to my cat. Sometimes I get irate bird wives coming in looking for their husbands.

The trees are pretty good, not 100% yet but we are on our way. Next step will be the vegetables. I can kind of control the climate in my valley, so they know they will never be too hungry or thirsty. The vegetables are pretty funny. They all have interesting personalities. The runner beans are quite physical and run everywhere but the marrow stay at home a lot, as do the melons and courgettes. I have convinced all my vegetables that when they feel the happiest healthiest vegetables that they can be, that then they are most welcome to come into my kitchen. Saves a lot of time gardening I tell you.

Anyway that's a bit about myself, I'm sure that from that you can work a lot more about me. Oh and my name is Arrow.
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Unread 04-19-2016, 02:09 AM   #3
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2
Tonight I'm going to eat some leftovers that have been chilling in the ice room. I cooked a chicken last week and it's been sitting a while. I was actually boiling eggs for my next trip this week and the curious wee chicken fell in the pot. I returned to the pot and found it floating on its back with its feet in the air. Must of been wondering where it's eggs had gone. Well it found them. My cat had been meowing for a bit and was staring at the pot. I gave it a chicken feet salad. Made a satay sauce by spreading peanut butter on them. Some of the runner beans also found their way into the ice room. They were just sitting on ice with blue bottoms.

I have a new trip tomorrow. My cat will be in charge of the house. He's a pretty on to it kind of puss, nothing really fazes him. He downloaded some apps off the Internet and taught himself accounting, marketing and how to read. He sells our vegetables and fruit online. When people come to collect, he has everything all lined up and ready to go. They just hop into whatever's ready for them. I hope he keeps up with everything. He sleeps a lot.

We also have a small dragon. He is green and breathes smoke onto everything. He has red spikes down his back and yellow glowing eyes. His blue tongue is very attractive. He's bigger than the cat but the cat is the boss. He makes Drago light the fire. You can hear him coming on the polished wooden floor, his claws are quite noisy. He can now wear socks. I'm not sure whether he is coming tomorrow. He had been chasing fruit bats up at the caves earlier and this normally tends to wear him out. He normally can find me no matter where I go and I have now trained him to turn invisible around people I meet or work with. He is going to be really handy lifting heavier stuff when he gets older. Anyway at the moment him and Paws are discussing minefield strategies and drinking whiskey.

Drink the Viking came by earlier. His name is actually Erik but the spell check changed it for me. Even though I am booked up he had asked me to visit his small castle at Through. I think I will. Through is not far away and I can return home on the weekends. A bit of gardening is planned and maybe some moat draining and collectable hunting. Lots of items to be found in moats. His castle has a few towers with lots of birds living in them, seagulls and hawks. He employs a staff to run the castle when he is away killing and stealing from people. He tells some great murder stories. Someone had besieged him recently and the stone masons had repaired the wall but they had been frightened by something in the moat. He needs me to make a report and come up with a suitable conclusion.

The curtains in the lounge just burnt down. To much whiskey.
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Unread 04-19-2016, 02:10 AM   #4
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3
I arrived at Through just before lunch. It had been a pretty easy trip. Paws and Drago were still asleep so no real bother. One of the weeping willows was a little emotional but I gave her a tree hug and She was happy.

Drink's castle also looked quite happy. The stone was a white and light grey mix. Not as dark as some other castles. It stood alone in a field of green celebrating the sun. A spring inside its walls kept the people watered with its overflow filling the moat. Nearby was the ocean, but the sea cliffs were very exciting to travel down. Stairs had been carved into the cliffs and a dock was down below for where his longship was moored. I think somewhere he had secret tunnels for his loot but I didn't know about that sort of thing.

Well it looked quite happy apart from the crumbly wall that had a few giant stones embedded in the side. They looked quite the part in what could be a feature wall. All the dead bodies had been dragged away and burnt. I could see a blackened area with bits of metal ordaining the bare patch. An abandoned siege engine was to one side and tar was stuck on the bottom of the wall. There were arrow bits everywhere and pointy heads from spears. My instructions were to clean the wall, search the moat and make the place look attractive again.

I was thinking a nice climbing rose on the wall. It would bloom in spring and continue into summer and irritate any attacker climbing a wall. Everyone hates being attacked by roses and having bloodied hands after climbing a wall would be most annoying. Anyone looking at the wall after a battle would just notice the red roses and not the blood splashes underneath? Someone in the heat of the battle could take a moment to time out and smell the roses. All in all a good plan.

I had noticed that there was less water in the moat. It was quite dangerous. There was nothing to keep anyone out. And there were sharpened poles sticking up out of the water. I was going to have to be quite careful in mucking around here.

I borrowed a ladder from the armoury. I had to put my mark on some paper to indicate who had it, how long I intended to use it for and what I intended to use it for. In the event of an attacking siege my ladder would need to be used for that.

Climbing the ladder and getting close to the stones was terrific. I had a nice view of the surrounding lands and could see for miles. The stones were wedged in really tight. I was considering telling Drink just to mortar them up and use them as part of the wall. There were lots of other holes in the walls, people attacking could use them as footholds and the like but I don't think there was any real danger of people setting up camp there. For sure there were a few nests for birds and the like but apart from the occasional wandering albatrosses there wasn't much bird life on this side of the castle.

A flapping of wings and some very hot breath on the back of my neck told me that Drago had found me. He gave me a careful nudge and flew down to my cloak, sat on it and went to sleep. Judging from the white feathers around his mouth I gathered that there were a few less seagulls flying around. The rest of the wall was pretty good.
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