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Unread 10-26-2015, 02:21 AM   #1
Lo, He comes...
 
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Location: Vancouver, BC
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Severe depression

Those who know me well from this forum know that I have severe depression. It's got really really bad this semester. I've missed a lot of class, I haven't been studying, and on top of it all I've been kind of torn apart by some pretty intense crisis involving what may or may not be conflicting value systems. It's really complicated and unless I had an hour or two to sit down and explain this whole situation with a friend and where I've been spiritually for the past five years, it wouldn't make much sense for me to try to nutshell it.

Suffice it to say I am thoroughly spiritually confused. I had a talk with my deacon last Thursday that helped a bit, if only to hear him say "Don't give up hope, and we (my church, him, and the other clergy there) love you dearly". But honestly the thoughts of self-harm have been ever-present company and have gotten worse since September. When they strike I usually take off my prayer rope and say the Jesus prayer until they stop, and that usually helps.

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I believe, O Lord, and I confess, that You are truly the Christ, the Son of the Living God, who came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the chief...
~ Ryan Isaac

Lo! How a rose e'er blooming from tender stem hath sprung,
Of Jesse's lineage coming, as seers of old hath sung,
It came a flower bright, amid the cold of winter,
When half-spent was the night.

Isaiah t'was foretold it, the rose I have in mind,
With Mary we behold it, the Virgin Mother kind,
To show God's love aright, she bore to us a Saviour,
When half-spent was the night.

O flower whose fragrance tender with gladness fills the air,
Dispel with glorious speldour the darkness everywhere,
True man, yet very God! From sin and death He saves us,
And lightens every load.

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Unread 10-26-2015, 07:02 AM   #2
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May our Father in heaven shower you with His love, His grace, and His peace.
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Unread 10-26-2015, 11:50 AM   #3
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Get off the couch and go for a walk. Try to find joy and beauty in the smallest things. Try to stop any addictive chemicals such as cigarettes, coffee. Break the cycle of "you". Get up, shower, get dressed, get some fresh air and sunshine, and do some things that bring you joy and peace. You will get through this. If you are free, then enjoy your freedom.

Peace,
Good luck! You can do it! You can find yourself. Even if you have to be a little selfish.
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