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Originally Posted by Sean QUESTIONS:
* Do you have a pastor that knows you well? |
I don't, no. Used to, but honestly haven't settled in a church these last few years and it's been a bit of an isolated journey.
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* Do you have a friend you can confess to?
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I do.
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* Does your church offer any kind of recovery program? (mine doesn't but our parent church does)
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Sort of tying into the first one, I don't really "have a church" at the moment. I've sort of floated around but the last month or so I've been staying home and sleeping.
I did sign up for Fortify a few months ago but never touched it. Logged into it a couple times but have yet to actually do anything with it. Funny, I thought paying for it would motivate me to use it, but it hasn't motivated anything.
As for restricting internet access, my work and such requires almost constant access, and even if I could restrict access, it's just as easy for mental fantasies to replace porn viewing anyway (at least, so I've noticed in the past).
Today I prayed and God reminded me once again that "This is what's been holding you back from Me. You've been doing the same thing over and over for years while you've watched your peers grow and mature in their faith. But it's not too late. Let this die." I prayed again for God to give me grace that it may end on a note that will point back to Him, but like every other time I pray that, I hear no answer.
I hate this. I hate myself and how stupid I've been.