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Unread 04-07-2015, 06:35 PM   #16
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Thank you for the prayers, advice, and encouragement, athanatos and everyone. Itís been helpful. Iím still a mess, Iím still struggling, but itís a little better than it was. I see the potential for healing. Thank you.
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Unread 04-08-2015, 04:26 PM   #17
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I’m trying to reconcile some of the spiritual portion of my troubles. I’m trying to go back to church, but I’m afraid that I won’t be accepted back.

I have plenty of professional supervision. But I’m not convinced that I should go beyond that and let them check me into the hospital. I feel like the heart of my current struggle is spiritual. So what good would it do to be locked up in a place where all they want to do is medicate me? I don’t want medication. I’m not convinced it’s worth anything, and I thought that even before I read an article about the usefulness of SSRIs and that scientists might actually have the physiological cause of depression backwards (too much serotonin instead of too little).

Yes, I struggle constantly with self-harm. But for the past 10 days, I’ve managed to avoid doing it.

Why haven’t I already attempted suicide? In the more distant past, because I loved my husband and didn’t want to hurt him. Now, because I love my daughter and can’t bear the thought of being without her, and I know she loves me. This is usually sufficient, but in the past weeks, I’ve been finding ways around it. Maybe she’d be better off without me. I’m not a good mom. I’m only causing her stress. Etc.

I wouldn’t kill myself in front of my family. I have a very specific plan. But what you said is true. I feel trapped, and I have nowhere to go.

Thank you for the prayers, advice, and encouragement, athanatos and everyone. It’s been helpful. I’m still a mess, I’m still struggling, but it’s a little better than it was. I see the potential for healing. Thank you.
I am considering mental health nursing as a career strongly right now. Psych issues are tricky. I am not going to be so foolish as to suggest medical advice, but, on the unit I have been a student nurse on, the goal is stabilization. The unit I have been observing and been a student nurse on of does not want to just push meds. We want the patient safe, with what works for them, to be able to live outside in the regular world and maintain their normal life. The point of acute care is to get someone through an acute crisis and find the medication balance that works for them so it can be maintained outside. I know you say you don't want medication, but often medication can be life changing in a good way. I have seen the difference it made in my mom's life. (My mom is bipolar.) My mom is a different person than the woman I grew up knowing in a very good way. We wouldn't treat diabetes like that. Why treat mental health issues so very differently?


As someone who never wants to dismiss the spiritual side of things, I have no doubt that they can be a factor. But in that I want to strongly encourage you to consider that in everything I have seen I have to think for a lot of people it is both/and rather than either/or. I would strongly recommend looking into and using all resources you have at your disposal.

I just want to say this. I will be praying, but I encourage you to consider your safe options and would encourage you to not read one article and dismiss the idea of medication. It is true that there is no magic bullet guaranteed to work. But frequently medication does work. Organic imbalances can be incredibly powerful. Acknowledging that in no means diminishes one's faith.

I will be praying for you.
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Unread 04-12-2015, 01:24 PM   #18
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I am considering mental health nursing as a career strongly right now. Psych issues are tricky. I am not going to be so foolish as to suggest medical advice, but, on the unit I have been a student nurse on, the goal is stabilization. The unit I have been observing and been a student nurse on of does not want to just push meds. We want the patient safe, with what works for them, to be able to live outside in the regular world and maintain their normal life. The point of acute care is to get someone through an acute crisis and find the medication balance that works for them so it can be maintained outside. I know you say you don't want medication, but often medication can be life changing in a good way. I have seen the difference it made in my mom's life. (My mom is bipolar.) My mom is a different person than the woman I grew up knowing in a very good way. We wouldn't treat diabetes like that. Why treat mental health issues so very differently?

As someone who never wants to dismiss the spiritual side of things, I have no doubt that they can be a factor. But in that I want to strongly encourage you to consider that in everything I have seen I have to think for a lot of people it is both/and rather than either/or. I would strongly recommend looking into and using all resources you have at your disposal.

I just want to say this. I will be praying, but I encourage you to consider your safe options and would encourage you to not read one article and dismiss the idea of medication. It is true that there is no magic bullet guaranteed to work. But frequently medication does work. Organic imbalances can be incredibly powerful. Acknowledging that in no means diminishes one's faith.

I will be praying for you.
Thanks for the advice. I know it's not either/or. But I felt like I couldn't move forward until some spiritual issues were worked out. It felt like I was being urged to reach out to someone, to go back to church. I know that's not going to necessarily fix me, but it felt like it was an important part of the equation this time.

I haven't written off medication completely. I just wanted a break from it. I'm skeptical about it, yes, but I'm not dead set against it. I also don't like being dependent on it. My last medication, I missed one day and it was almost insufferable. And although I'm not on any antidepressants right now, I'm am still taking medication. It's as needed, and I'm trying not to become dependent on it.

I'm still struggling. Some days I consider going in to the hospital because I don't know if I'll have the energy to keep from killing myself. I don't know what, if anything, will help.
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Unread 05-03-2015, 10:04 PM   #19
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How are you doing? I am still praying for you.
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Unread 10-23-2015, 04:19 PM   #20
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One with The Mud,

How are you?

Does anyone know how to reach her?
How she is doing?
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