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Unread 01-05-2015, 11:53 AM   #1
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All the good ones are taken

I must admit that I had never given marriage a thought until this last year. I always just assumed that it happens when it happens. Then I noticed that all my friends are married.

I was thinking about this in the weekend and I no longer know any single women. There are no single women my age in church (actually the thing that triggered this thought was when I went to the spanish church and noticed that everyone my age was married with children).

I was thinking on my 1 hour train ride home today, trying to think of one good christian girl my age that is single that I might know and couldn't think of one. Therefore I have come to the realization (man this is so cliché)...

All the good ones are taken

I'm only 23 years old. Is there some unwritten rule or secret deadline that I missed?

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Unread 01-05-2015, 04:06 PM   #2
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I remember being in a similar frame of mind when I was around 23. It seemed that there were no appropriate single women in my social circles (which included my church).

It often seems that when you stop looking is when you find someone. As cliche as that statement may be, taking that approach does have what I would consider to be an important benefit - any relationship that starts will be due to a genuine bond between the two people, rather than "I want a relationship and you're the best I could find."

In my case, I discovered a new friendship with someone who had actually been at my church her entire life, but we hadn't really encountered each other much because we typically were involved in different congregations. I'm immensely glad to be with her, rather than any of the girls I previously attempted to court when I was more desperate for a relationship.
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"Don't worry," to_be_released said. "I'm in the future, and I know what will happen."
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Unread 01-05-2015, 04:27 PM   #3
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I must admit that I had never given marriage a thought until this last year. I always just assumed that it happens when it happens. Then I noticed that all my friends are married.

I was thinking about this in the weekend and I no longer know any single women. There are no single women my age in church (actually the thing that triggered this thought was when I went to the spanish church and noticed that everyone my age was married with children).

I was thinking on my 1 hour train ride home today, trying to think of one good christian girl my age that is single that I might know and couldn't think of one. Therefore I have come to the realization (man this is so cliché)...

All the good ones are taken

I'm only 23 years old. Is there some unwritten rule or secret deadline that I missed?
First off, I had no idea that we're the same age.

Secondly, there is no unwritten rule or secret deadline that you missed. Outside of Christian subculture, the only other place you'll really see people pushing to marry young is in the middle east. The average age of marriage for men in western countries is 30, and 27 for women. So don't feel left out.

Are all the good ones taken? Nah. At least, this is what I tell myself.

Enjoy being single, man. 23 and single means you're free to do more money-consuming things, like travel, buying a better car, etc.
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...wives are expensive upkeep...
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Unread 01-05-2015, 05:45 PM   #4
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YES, THEY ARE.

I GOT THE LAST ONE
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Unread 01-05-2015, 05:48 PM   #5
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But on a more positive note, it is perfectly reasonable to try to get yourself in a different social context. You'd be surprised how often they congregate elsewhere. Sometimes you will find one or two girls who are remotely eligible, then go to a different context and find 30 very eligible candidates.
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Unread 01-05-2015, 07:50 PM   #6
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23?
You have lots of time--no rush or need to worry.
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Unread 01-06-2015, 04:06 AM   #7
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Thanks guys.

As a teen I got involved with many girls with serious issues so I had decided that I wasn't going to bother with a relationship until I was done with my education and could actually support a family. I think I still have that thought (still 1½ years of education to go).

I really like many of the points you made, specially It often seems that when you stop looking is when you find someone. I know so many people who got married due to unwanted pregnancies (not judging, just observing)... at least half of the weddings I've been invited to in the last 5 years.

I think maturity also plays a part. I had a conversation with a friend about a 5 years ago and remember realizing that I didn't feel mature enough for a relationship. I mean, back then I was still learning to cook and clean my own stuff! (washing machines still scare me though. Why do I need so many buttons!? Give me one that says start! Thats enough! )

Funny slightly related story:
At the age of 17 I moved 10,000km away from home. A few days later I got an e-mail from my mother with her requirements for my future wife. I didn't know if it was weird or funny...
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Unread 01-06-2015, 07:31 AM   #8
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It's better to be single than married and miserable (speaking from observation and not experience).
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Unread 01-06-2015, 08:38 AM   #9
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(speaking from observation and not experience).
Nice save.
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Unread 01-06-2015, 12:11 PM   #10
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Nice save.
I felt I had to do that. You know. Just in case.
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Unread 01-06-2015, 05:12 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by to_be_released View Post
It often seems that when you stop looking is when you find someone. As cliche as that statement may be, taking that approach does have what I would consider to be an important benefit - any relationship that starts will be due to a genuine bond between the two people, rather than "I want a relationship and you're the best I could find."
This. I met my first girlfriend not long after I made the decision to stop looking, and we did a lot of cool stuff as friends (which was good because I didn't really have any friends cos they'd all gone to university). And I actually met my fiancée as a direct result of that relationship (again, after I'd stopped looking again).
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Unread 01-06-2015, 05:14 PM   #12
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23?
You have lots of time--no rush or need to worry.
I would agree with this.

My sister didn't get married until she was 30 and she now has two beautiful daughters and an awesome husband.
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Unread 01-07-2015, 04:49 PM   #13
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It's better to be single than married and miserable (speaking from observation and not experience).
Agreed. (speaking from past experience.)
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Unread 01-07-2015, 05:03 PM   #14
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Unread 01-08-2015, 12:48 AM   #15
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Enjoy being single, man. 23 and single means you're free to do more money-consuming things, like travel, buying a better car, etc.
This is true. In my current economy I doubt I could afford to buy a girl a single rose...
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