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Unread 05-22-2014, 02:04 PM   #1
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CGR: The Decimation — An Apocalyptic Love Letter

Installment 1

The hooded figure leaned forward in his chair, his pale skin illuminated only by the light of the aging, television-shaped computer monitor. Even though the room was dark, he wore reflective Aviator, the silver-tinted lenses reflecting the image on the screen before him.
“The iron machine has to be created,” he muttered. “The Decimation has begun.”
Clicking on a silver button on the screen before him, he turned away without watching to see what happened, making the sign of the Logos and facing the direction of the one-world monastery.
“Beam me up,” he prayed, intoning the words of his order. “All what will be produced has to come into the machine.”
As the hooded figure prayed, his attention elsewhere, the screen on the computer monitor jumped from a temporary holding page to a static image.
“Christian Guitar Resource,” it read. “Welcome, Ernst. You last visited: 12-17-20014 at 03:55 PM.”

Mr. RM sat up in his bed, a sweat breaking across his forehead, his heart palpitating. Something was wrong.
Mrs. RM stirred next to him.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, “Still having trouble sleeping?”
RM didn’t want to bother the missus.
“It’s nothing,” he said. “I’m just old. I miss the 80s.”
“Oh,” she responded, already drifting back to sleep. “Don’t worry. Stryper has a new album coming out soon.”
Looking at his dozing wife, RM knew she was right. He wasn’t that old, no matter how often he got called — or claimed — the title of Geezer.
But something was amiss, and as he tried to still his racing heart, RM knew it wasn’t a problem that would go away with rest. Ever since he had become an administrator on CGR, something had felt off. The surge of power he had been expecting, the ability to wave the banstick with ultimate impunity and the vial of unicorn blood BillSPrestonEsq had promised him had not come.
Nothing could be done about the feeling tonight.
Getting up, RM fixed himself a big glass of milk even though he knew he would regret it later, turned on Rush’s “Moving Pictures” record before picking up a volume of Brueggemann his friend Thrash had recommended and he knew would help him get back to sleep. He settled into a comfortable chair in front of the huge Motley Crue poster in his living room.
After a few minutes, the words on the page in front of him started to blur, and RM slipped back into a fitful rest.
But even as he slept, he felt it. There was a presence, a presence he had not felt in a long time.

Elsewhere, CGR’s denizens shifted uncomfortably in their beds.
BSPE and Ted Logan both fluttered their eyes, knowing in their hearts that something was afoot at the Circle-CGR.
TheProdigalModern grasped at his beard, and mltmouth rubbed her teeth sleepily, a strange dream about having braces again disturbing her rest. Thrash thrashed, and singin4Jesus squeaked out a Jeremy Camp lyric between snores.
Mara felt a weird kick in the belly, but she realized it was just the baby. Frank1234 said something in Ukrainian, and Laguna Master — who as a teenager was up way past his bedtime — felt for a moment like he wasn’t a Laguna master.
Dogfood burped, because being in a different time zone than everybody else meant it was mealtime.
“That felt weird,” the Kiwi poster mused. “It felt…Not awesome.”

As BSPE got ready for another day of being The Most Interesting Nurse in the World™, he decided to check the forums before work.
A lot of posts had appeared overnight.
A. Lot.
Thousands — possibly hundreds of thousands — of posts had appeared.
“Is it ok for Christians to drink alcohol?” one thread title asked.
“Should Christians cuss?” another queried.
“Why can’t we all get along and hug a tree?” a third mused.
Something was weird about these posts.
Bill clicked on the first one, the one about drinking. It was dated 4-7-2002. The last active post in the thread was dated 5-3-2002.
“U should really consider if u are a christian if that is ur position, just sayin,” it read.
The thread had no new recent posts. It had been dead for more than 12 years. Why was it showing up in the new posts?
Then Bill noticed something else out of the ordinary.
Some of the locked Nostalgia forums were missing — Old Theology, Lord of the Rings and Apologetics. Where had they gone?
Looking in the administrative super panel, Bill searched administrative history to see if the old forums might have been accidentally deleted by one of the other admins. No such evidence appeared.
But then he saw the truly frightening transformation the forums had made. Cheap Post Forum posts were now being counted.
“Help us all,” he prayed, his face turning pale and his blood running cold.

Dogfood’s post count was now 1.5 million.
“Awesome,” dogfood purred. “Chur.”

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[My CGR Blog]

CGR: The Decimation
[A chronicle of CGR's timestream disruption and eventual redemption]
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Unread 05-22-2014, 02:11 PM   #2
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Unread 05-22-2014, 02:12 PM   #3
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Seriously...you should not be allowed to join CGR until you read this.
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Unread 05-22-2014, 02:21 PM   #4
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Hahaha thats great

sent from my cool phone.
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Unread 05-22-2014, 03:00 PM   #5
and you were wondering??
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I am about to wet myself from laughing!

CHUR!
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Unread 05-22-2014, 03:22 PM   #6
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Installment 1
I didn't know Cory Doctorow was a member here...
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Unread 05-22-2014, 03:24 PM   #7
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This is awesome! I have subscribed.
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This is Giuseppes daily reminder to CPFers that you are super awesome and God has a plan for you

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The frequency with which I use the phrase "blows my mind" is directly proportional to the amount of time I spend seriously reading the Bible.
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Unread 05-22-2014, 04:26 PM   #8
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...Jesus?
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Unread 05-22-2014, 04:52 PM   #9
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BEST THING EVERRR
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Unread 05-22-2014, 06:01 PM   #10
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Unread 05-22-2014, 06:09 PM   #11
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Installment 2

The sun rose in the East, its red-tinted light sliding across the trees and the terra firma, bringing illumination to the new day.

Pauler sat in front of the big bay window in his Texas ranch-style house, having coffee and a cruller in his rocking chair. Wiping his hands free of sugary glaze, he reached down and patted the CGR Cray 1 server, on which he'd had his feet propped.

It was a part of his morning ritual, something he would never skip.

Now it was time to get to work.

Reaching for a headset and adjusting it over his ear and placing the microphone at the optimal distance from his mouth, Pauler booted up his computer, logged in to the CGR mainframe and initiated the daily sequence.

"This is CGR-003 Pauler Charlie Golf Romeo Zero Zero Three, logging on for another day at CGR control," he said."It is 6:45 a.m. and the East Coast should go live in about 15 minutes as people head in to school and work and immediately get bored. Let's give 'em something to talk about — give me a roll call."

At this point in the routine, the other administrators and super moderators normally chirped in, giving their call letters and usernames, and maybe a word of affirmation if the Lord laid on their hearts.

Instead, Pauler heard nothing but static.

Turning up the volume on his console, he repeated himself, listening for a response. Static.

A little annoyed this time, he repeated the call signal.

Nothing. But then, something.

The static broke for a moment, a faint voice — chanting, maybe? — coming through.

"...people has to be feeded...starving to death."

Pauler shook his head, annoyed. Some punk had probably tried to break into the secure CGR communications network and flummoxed the kernels. Or maybe a squirrel had just chewed through the T1 line. At any rate, he was going to have to spend his morning fixing it.

"I guess we'll have to do this the old fashioned way," he said, patting the server again.

Logging in through the forum front page, he saw something that made him spit coffee across his monitor.

"Enhance!" he yelled into the headset.

The screen enhanced.

Something was wrong. Very wrong.

General Discussion was now called The Gathering Place.
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Disclaimer: Any posts made before Nov. 2010 reflect vastly different stages of my life. I repent for all of them. I am sure this is not the last time I will say it.

[My CGR Blog]

CGR: The Decimation
[A chronicle of CGR's timestream disruption and eventual redemption]
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Unread 05-22-2014, 08:45 PM   #12
now a spiced muffin.
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i hope this doesn't turn out to be prophetic.

all the same, i am ready for the zombie/ernst apocalypse.
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Unread 05-22-2014, 09:01 PM   #13
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Unread 05-22-2014, 09:04 PM   #14
and you were wondering??
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Ernstian Movement - "All people has to be feeded.(nobody can starving to death)."
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Hello! Come visit my blog! http://taylormweaver.wordpress.com/

Yes... I am the official "Knight Who Will Write Something On Derrida".
Bask in the wonderful glory.

"outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend... inside a dog it is too dark to read."
-groucho marx

Quote:
Originally Posted by Demon_Hunter View Post
Taylor, you just got drive-by theologied.
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Unread 05-22-2014, 10:22 PM   #15
now a spiced muffin.
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great minds think alike.

i do believe i just said that on fb.
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dumb statement du jour: a stadium's like a big building, right?

let me entertain you!
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