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Unread 05-22-2014, 11:04 PM   #16
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Taylor, you just got drive-by theologied.
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Unread 05-23-2014, 06:22 AM   #17
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Unread 05-23-2014, 10:00 AM   #18
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Installment 3

Thrash sat at his desk, his computer before him with two windows open. One window showed the final draft of his thesis on the deconstruction of postmodern existentialism within the paradigm of pre-Marxist Christian reductionalism. The other window was open to CGR.

But something felt wrong as he sat there. Something was off kilter and unbalanced.

He scanned the bookshelf above the desk for an answer. An autographed copy of Millbanks' "Theology and Social Theory" leaned against leatherbound volume of Kant; a dog-eared paperback copy of Wright's "The Resurrection of the Son of God" leaned against a hardbound volume of Žižek's essays. What he needed wasn't there.

"Alyssa," he called out, "Can you bring me that copy of Dawkins?"

His wife entered the room, carrying a copy of "The God Delusion." She handed it to him with a puzzled look on her face, wondering why he needed this book now.

"Thanks," Thrash said, taking the book, which still bore the sticker on its dust jacket noting it was 75 percent off original price. "This was just what I needed."

Reaching down, he placed it under the wobbling leg of his desk, restoring balance.

"Yes," he said. "This feels much better."


Back at CGR central command, Pauler was scrambling.

The central communications hub had crashed soon after his discovery about The Gathering Place. He'd tried to patch it using the backdoor installed in the automatic access algorithm, but as soon as he'd done that the meta attenuation auxiliary database had started degrading, the code seemingly collapsing into itself. When he'd tried to stabilize the code, the auxiliary communication circuits had started blinking in and out of service as they tried to handle a surge of pan-conduit traffic.

It looked like these kernels were cooked.

Worse, the CGR master server had started making a strange hum, a high pitched whine that sounded eerily like a bad robot in a sci-fi movie powering up before it lasered an innocent person to death. The heat and activity monitors on the side showed the server was quickly warming up to levels that would melt it down completely if something wasn't done. Opening the server hood, Pauler saw the core heat deflector coils were already drooping from the heat.

That was when the cable line connecting the server to the outside world shorted out, throwing sparks and malodorous black smoke from the connection point at the wall. CGR had had been cut off from the modern Internet

If he didn't do anything, the server would melt down and take the forums with it. But if he turned the server off while the central code was in such flux, it would erase all of CGR and its redundancies.

Desperate, Pauler did the only thing he could. Running to his kitchen, he unplugged the phone line from the phone and prayed it was long enough. It was, though it stretched tightly across the room.

With another prayer, Pauler pulled up the command prompt on his computer and typed:

>CMD: Transfer CGR
>>>Destination: Internet 1.0

As the sound of the chirping of a dial-up modem filled the room, Pauler reached into a desk drawer and pulled out a wirebound html manual. Resting his hands on the dust covered book, he took a deep breath. All hope of CGR's survival lay in the ruins of the abandoned Geocities.
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CGR: The Decimation
[A chronicle of CGR's timestream disruption and eventual redemption]
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Unread 05-23-2014, 11:07 AM   #19
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I like peanut butter, and I like jam, so what's to stop me from putting them together? People do it all the time.
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Unread 05-23-2014, 01:58 PM   #20
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...wives are expensive upkeep...
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Unread 05-23-2014, 02:41 PM   #21
and you were wondering??
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Wowzers! This is awesome!


And I love the "off kilter" desk being adjusted with a copy of The God Delusion!
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Hello! Come visit my blog! http://taylormweaver.wordpress.com/

Yes... I am the official "Knight Who Will Write Something On Derrida".
Bask in the wonderful glory.

"outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend... inside a dog it is too dark to read."
-groucho marx

Quote:
Originally Posted by Demon_Hunter View Post
Taylor, you just got drive-by theologied.
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Unread 05-23-2014, 08:23 PM   #22
Basically... run.
 
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Bass - Yamaha TRBX 505, Yamaha RBX 375
Acoustic Guitars - Ovation Celebrity Deluxe CC48, J. Watson & Co. WD150TB, J&D Luthier
Electric Guitars - Fender Classic '72 Telecaster Thinline (2007), Maton Mastersound, Epiphone Les Paul Studio Chameleon, SX VTG Series Tele copy, Ibanez SA
Guitar Amp - Fender Mustang IV V2
Bass Amp - Behringer Ultrabass BXL1800A
Gear - POD HD500X, Zoom G9.2tt, Zoom B9.1ut, Boss DD-20

Warning: This journal may contain diary

But He was pierced for our transgressions
He was crushed for our iniquities;
The punishment that brought us peace was upon Him,
And by His wounds we are healed.
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Unread 05-24-2014, 03:18 AM   #23
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Apparently the only New Zealander affected by the decimation is dogfood.
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Unread 05-24-2014, 02:18 PM   #24
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Installment 4

Previously, on CGR: The Decimation —

With another prayer, Pauler pulled up the command prompt on his computer and typed:

>CMD: Transfer CGR
>>>Destination: Internet 1.0

As the sound of the chirping of a dial-up modem filled the room, Pauler reached into a desk drawer and pulled out a wirebound html manual. Resting his hands on the dust covered book, he took a deep breath. All hope of CGR's survival lay in the ruins of the abandoned Geocities.


*******


CGR opened her eyes, blinking against the glare of a garish flashing green text demanding attention just past her bare feet. "Sign the guestbook," it intermittently commanded. Next to the flashing text, a 2-D animated monkey playing a guitar danced on the wall of a website only three pages deep. The wall proclaimed the site Danny's Ultimate System of a Down Tab Web Portal, but it only took a glance for CGR to know 23 of the 27 links inside the site were broken.

The transfer from Internet 2014 and the subsequent squeeze through the ancient phone line had left her feeling disoriented, but looking around, CGR knew where she was. It was her old neighborhood from Internet 1.0. Back in those days, she'd been the top site for Christian music, but she'd never felt better than the html sites that had sometimes been hastily — and other times lovingly — thrown together for the love of guitar tabs. Sure, the bad boys who offered only approximate music while claiming they had tested every Creed tab themselves had tried to muscle their way in, but the neighborhood had remained mostly good.

Music had always remained her first love, but as she'd gotten more and more into hosting forums, CGR had known she was meant for something bigger than just music. She'd upgraded the forum software and moved to a new server in 2002. Later, she'd switched managers a few times, settling at last with Pauler.

All of the moves been good moves, even some had seen some ugly moments, because all of those moves had taken her to where she was now. Twelve years after leaving the old neighborhood, she had more than a half-million members, and even though the height of her career — like so many of her peers — was behind her with the rise of big-box social media like Facebook, CGR had still been able to pull 2,366 members online at once in January 2010, and her 10-year anniversary had been well marked by many present and past members who had gone on to successful careers in ministry, music and winning life in general.

But why was she back in the old neighborhood now? She'd felt weird that morning, and then really sick, and suddenly she was being crammed through wires she hadn't squeezed through since 2004.

CGR stood up. Her feet were bare, but thankfully enough of the color and text codes had made it through the transition to cover what she wanted covered. The words "Community," "Tab Archive," "Artists," "Music" and "Lessons" wrapped her body.

The old neighborhood hadn't aged as well as she'd thought it would. Things she'd once thought made a website look professional now testified to how wrong she — and everyone — had been. Three dimensional spinning texts left her feeling nauseated, white texts on black backgrounds made her head hurt and moving images in the background made it difficult to focus on anything.

What had once seemed fun now seemed shady.

She started walking. With every step CGR took, she grimaced as shards of broken links cut her feet.

Some of the sites she passed made her smile. At one, a teenage girl proclaimed her love of taxidermy. At another, a man shared stories of his love of baseball and poetry.

Other sites were darker. "Use majick to get high," one proclaimed. "Pay only $50 and take a bath with this modern-day prophet," another goaded.

As she walked, CGR could feel the eyes of the other sites on her.

"Hey pretty, you lost?" one wolf-whistled after her.

CGR walked faster. She wasn't afraid of this neighborhood, but she remembered that guy. He was dedicated to proving the conspiracy that Israel was trying to take over Canada, and that world bankers were behind the sinking of the Maine. He'd always been jealous of her traffic, of her ability to attract those he derided as sheeple. Google had cut him off years ago, saying he was infected with malware.

Whooping at her misfortune, the conspiracy site pranced around CGR, swatting at her hair, jumping in her face and yelling, "Boo! Where's your new server now? Haw haw haw!"

CGR kept walking, eyes forward, trying her best to swallow the emotion of being lost and the anger at being baited by the malicious website. Inside, she felt increasingly sick. Cut off from the Internet 2014, she didn't have any new threads moving through her, but instead, long-dead threads she no longer wanted to rehash were churning up to the top of her new posts page more and more quickly. She needed to vomit, but if she did, CGR was afraid she would lose data until she passed out.

Swallowing hard, she forced the old threads back down.

Finally, she saw something that gave her hope. A squat but solidly-built website lit the area around it, keeping alive the dreams and memories of websites that would have otherwise faded into obscurity.

"Internet archive," it read. "Wayback Machine."

The conspiracy site stopped in his tracks, backing up a step and warily eyeing the building.

"I wouldn't go in there if I was you," he said, a nervous tic overtaking his speech. "Sites g-g-g-go i-i-i-in there and n-n-n-nev-ev-ever come out."

CGR ignored him, and ran-limped to the front page. Bursting through the door, she greeted the fat, balding clerk with thick glasses and white shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows.

"I need," she gasped, woozily leaning against the counter. "I need a backup."

"Name?" he asked, digits poised over millions of files.

"Christian Guitar Dot-Org," she wheezed.

Glancing down for a moment, the clerk replied with a pensive, "Hrm. Wayback Machine doesn't have that page archived."

Desperate, CGR pleaded again.

"Look under my maiden name," she said. "Christian Guitar Dot-Double-Eww-Ess."

"Oh," the clerk leaned back in surprise. "You must be here about the prophecy."

What prophecy? CGR wondered as she slumped down to the floor, losing consciousness.
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Disclaimer: Any posts made before Nov. 2010 reflect vastly different stages of my life. I repent for all of them. I am sure this is not the last time I will say it.

[My CGR Blog]

CGR: The Decimation
[A chronicle of CGR's timestream disruption and eventual redemption]

Last edited by TheProdigalModern; 05-24-2014 at 04:21 PM.
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Unread 05-24-2014, 04:17 PM   #25
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CGR is a living creature now?
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Unread 05-24-2014, 04:19 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dogfood View Post
CGR is a living creature now?
It will all tie together.

Probably.
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Disclaimer: Any posts made before Nov. 2010 reflect vastly different stages of my life. I repent for all of them. I am sure this is not the last time I will say it.

[My CGR Blog]

CGR: The Decimation
[A chronicle of CGR's timestream disruption and eventual redemption]
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Unread 05-24-2014, 05:28 PM   #27
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Hello! Come visit my blog! http://taylormweaver.wordpress.com/

Yes... I am the official "Knight Who Will Write Something On Derrida".
Bask in the wonderful glory.

"outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend... inside a dog it is too dark to read."
-groucho marx

Quote:
Originally Posted by Demon_Hunter View Post
Taylor, you just got drive-by theologied.
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Unread 05-24-2014, 05:38 PM   #28
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This is incredible.

Even better than when CPF Town burned to the ground.

Even better than Dancing Benj of the Corn.
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Unread 05-24-2014, 06:21 PM   #29
I'm a French fry!!
 
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Hey, this is GREAT!!!! I like how you use the people on CGR, this is fantastic!!! Keep going!
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Unread 05-24-2014, 09:23 PM   #30
I'm a French fry!!
 
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PLEEEEASEEE POST ANOTHER ONE!!!!! I HATE CLIFF HANGERS!
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