[GMartin2R]

Another one from a friend

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be
excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't
want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its
proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness
and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate
to serve on the jury.

"Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple
civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband
because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to
remodel the kitchen for her birthday."

"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be
wrong about capital punishment after all."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they
see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall
all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first,
but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are
speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping
for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors,
she decides to be kind and tells them "The first one who can use
the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an imaginative,
intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love
liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or
intelligence whatsoever."

She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said "How well
can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as
dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about
you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature, but big in fame and finesse,
is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and
the Lab and says, "Liver alone. Cheese mine."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A cowboy rides into a town to see a crowd of people around the gallows. The
cowboy, wanting to know what's going on, collars a local and says "Hey,
what's going on here?"

The local says "They're goin' to hang Brown Paper Pete."

"What?" asks the cowboy.

"They're a-hangin' Brown Paper Pete." The local replies.

"How did he get a name like that?" asks the cowboy.

"Well," says the local, "On his head he wears a brown paper bag, on his feet
he wears brown paper bags, on his arms he wears brown paper bags, in fact,
he
wears brown paper bags all over his body."

"Strange", says the cowboy, "And what're they hanging him for?"

"Rustlin' "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A faithful couple got the bad news from their doctor. They couldn't have any
children. On the way home from the Doctor they stopped to see their pastor
to ask for prayer. The pastor ran an auto repair shop on the side, so they
dropped by the shop.

After they explained the situation, the pastor prayed for them on the spot.
He looked around, grabbed a can of three-in-one oil and quickly blessed it
to
anoint them.

Sure enough, about 9 months later they had triplets. The couple once again
showed up at the pastor's auto repair shop and as soon as the woman saw the
pastor she ran up to him, threw her arms around him and gave him a huge hug.

"What was that all about"? He asked. She replied, "I'm just glad you used
three-in-one oil and not WD-40!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snow White took photos of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. She took the
film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished
photos.

The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor. Needless to say,
she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her,
said, "Don't worry. Someday your prints will come."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could
barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they
came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they went
right through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, I must be
losing it. I could have sworn we went through a red light.

After a few minutes they came to another intersection and the
light was red; again they went right through it.

This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure the
light had been red, but was still concerned that she was losing it,
so she decided to pay very close attention to the road and the
next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely
red-and they went right through! She turned to the other woman
and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just went through three red
lights in a row? You could have killed us!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh Shoot, am I driving?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A fellow got his Friday paycheck and, instead of going home, went
out with his buddies. He ended up on a weekend long bender,
spending and gambling away the entire paycheck. He came home
late Sunday night to a very irate wife.

After two hours of berating and nagging the guy, she said, "You
were gone for three days. How would you like it if you didn't see
ME for three days."

The poor guy had had enough and said, "Sounds fine to me. Sounds
like a plan."

The next day, Monday, he didn't see her. Tuesday he still didn't
see her. Wednesday, same thing. Still didn't see her.

By Thursday, however, the swelling had gone down just a little bit
and he could just catch a glimpse of her out of the corner of his
left eye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A group of people were sitting around contemplating death and the
best way to die. One said, "When I die, I want to die peacefully,
in my sleep, like my grandpa died. . .and not screaming and in
abject terror like the passengers in the car he was driving died."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three old ladies were discussing the progressive effects of old
age.

First old lady: "You know, my memory is terrible these days. Just
this morning I found myself in the bathroom with a tub of water
drawn, and I could not for the life of me remember if I was
getting in the tub or had just gotten out.:

Second old lady: "I know what you mean. This afternoon I found
myself half-way up the staircase and could not remember whether
I was going up to the bedroom or coming down to the living room."

Third old lady: "Well, I am just thankful that I don't have that
problem. My memory is perfect,and hopefully will stay so, knock on
wood. ("Rap, Rap" on table.)

Third old lady: "Come in!?"

[timio]

Some day your prints will come... HAHAHAHA..

Those are good

Tim

[MrCrabby]

ROFLOL!!!