Go Back   Christian Guitar Forum > Deeper Issues > Life Issues
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read

Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Unread 10-25-2013, 10:18 PM   #1
Registered User
 
newbietoguitar's Avatar
 

Joined: Oct 2013
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 17
Cool Single and waiting on God to provide me the right person

Single and waiting on God to provide me the right person, it is hard sometimes because I am still searching while I wait. Everyone tells me that I will know when I see her... but it hasn't happened yet... I am 22 and I am going to school at Liberty University Online... Studying to become a Game Warden in Tennessee where I live with my family...

Prayers would be appreciated ..
Thanks

Stephen aka 'C.J.'

newbietoguitar is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Unread 10-26-2013, 08:30 AM   #2
and you were wondering??
Administrator
 
Uptown Thrunk's Avatar
 

Joined: Aug 2004
Location: In the bedrock of Being.
Posts: 14,709
paid
Just curious, why do you believe God will necessarily provide you with the "right" person? Do you have something scriptural to back that up with?

I find the idea to be quite popular in Christian circles (and on dating website commercials), but have yet to hear a really good scriptural or theological defense.
__________________
Hello! Come visit my blog! http://taylormweaver.wordpress.com/

Yes... I am the official "Knight Who Will Write Something On Derrida".
Bask in the wonderful glory.

"outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend... inside a dog it is too dark to read."
-groucho marx

Quote:
Originally Posted by Demon_Hunter View Post
Taylor, you just got drive-by theologied.
Uptown Thrunk is online now   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2013, 09:51 AM   #3
...
Administrator
 
thesteve's Avatar
 

Joined: Apr 2001
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 30,106
Send a message via AIM to thesteve
Read 1 Cor 7 and take comfort?
__________________
We've all got ideas. We are the music makers. We make money to buy things, and write down words.

I'm a podcaster
thesteve is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2013, 11:40 AM   #4
The Story Teller
 
Caged Love's Avatar
 

Joined: Feb 2011
Location: Anywhere but the city
Posts: 755
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thrash View Post
Just curious, why do you believe God will necessarily provide you with the "right" person? Do you have something scriptural to back that up with?

I find the idea to be quite popular in Christian circles (and on dating website commercials), but have yet to hear a really good scriptural or theological defense.
This.

I am not going to lie, this was my way of thinking for the first 22 years of my life or so, but in the last couple I have really changed my views on it (and not just because I'm 24 and single). I too failed to find adequate Scriptural backing for it, so I sort of reject the notion. Of course God knows who you will end up with if that is the case, but that doesn't take away from the fact that we need to actually initiate and pursue a relationship.

Take heart bud, I know how frustrating it can be but if your hope is in a relationship with a woman rather than a relationship with Christ, things will be ultimately be unfulfilling. And as a pastor once told me, God can say no. Feel free to live your life with freedom in Christ because God can say no. I mean the pastor took the job because there was a need, he was qualified (4 years of Bible College) and he had nothing else on the go. Seems to be going pretty good for the entire church. If God doesn't want you somewhere or with someone, He can say no. Just be sensitive to God's voice.
__________________
"When you say there's too much evil in this world you assume there's good. When you assume there's good, you assume there's such a thing as a moral law on the basis of which to differentiate between good and evil. But if you assume a moral law, you must posit a moral Law Giver, but that's Who you're trying to disprove and not prove. Because if there's no moral Law Giver, there's no moral law. If there's no moral law, there's no good. If there's no good, there's no evil. What is your question?" ó Ravi Zacharias
Caged Love is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2013, 03:20 PM   #5
Registered User
 
newbietoguitar's Avatar
 

Joined: Oct 2013
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 17
Thank you thesteve
newbietoguitar is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2013, 03:27 PM   #6
Registered User
 
newbietoguitar's Avatar
 

Joined: Oct 2013
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 17
You are right caged love... My main goal is to have a relationship with Christ... I have dedicated my Life to him.... and I am wearing a purity ring (which will probably deter girls from being interested anyway).
newbietoguitar is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2013, 07:51 PM   #7
Psychic theo-philosopher
 
athanatos's Avatar
 

Joined: May 2008
Location: Buffalo
Posts: 2,978
paid
Take advantage of your eldership in your local church. Ask them for advice, ask them where they see immaturity, take their outlook and experience to heart. But most of all, listen to their use of Scripture think critically about what God is saying in Scripture.

I don't know whether you have seen the recent thread in Theology on "Abused Bible Verses?", but it's a big problem in popular Christianity to take Scripture out of context and give it a new meaning -- that is, to put words in God's mouth he never said. So, again, I say listen to the people in your church who are significantly older (50-80 yr) and respected by all, and pay close attention to their wisdom.

That will be your greatest asset toward the goal of getting rid of your romantic loneliness.
__________________
my glob

They want to stop the ones who want
Prosthetic foreheads on their heads
But everybody wants prosthetic
Foreheads on their real heads

We Want a Rock, They Might Be Giants

Hidden?
athanatos is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-26-2013, 08:09 PM   #8
now a spiced muffin.
Administrator
 
beanbag's Avatar
 

Joined: Sep 2003
Location: the wood between the worlds
Posts: 10,763
paid
the guys are right that this is a popular misconception in modern christian thought, and is one that many of us buy into--especially those at christian schools. it's something i have been wrestling with myself (i am 27 in a few mos) and some dear, wise friends have been graciously and gently pushing me toward thinking maybe God DOESN'T want to micromanage this aspect of life. it kind of goes hand-in-hand with the idea of a soulmate, which is also hugely popular in christian circles. there are christian teachers who have been challenging the concept of "the one" or a specific God-ordained soulmate. there may be some cases in which this is the case, but by and large they are saying we are simply called to make a decision.

i had to examine the root of my decision to "wait on God" and ultimately realized it was fear of rejection, fear of failure, and fear that i would look and there wouldn't actually BE anyone after all--like what has already been said, God can say no.

ultimately, though, i have been guided and have come to the realization that i need to participate more actively in my own life, within the framework of God's will and guidance.

if you want a girlfriend, make that known to trusted friends and mentors and start asking girls out. you don't have to carry a ring around in your pocket or think you can't ask a girl out unless you're prepared to marry her tomorrow. that is a crappy teaching that a lot of us have bought into, and i think it's why so many amazing women i know are still single in their 30's and 40's. i don't want to hit 30 and still be single so i am changing my attitude. (i wouldn't have said any of this two months ago, or even a week ago.)

that isn't to say date any girl who strikes your fancy. make sure you have common ground in Christ, but other than that, i say keep your eyes open and don't be afraid to ask. there are stories about how girls are scary, but i promise there are relatively few scary or mean girls, and those who are are just scary or mean in general. =)
__________________
SAR: Girls are quick to think that they're the ugliest of God's creations, but without makeup--we know we are.

dumb statement du jour: a stadium's like a big building, right?

let me entertain you!
beanbag is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-28-2013, 09:11 AM   #9
Ax
Rabid Wombat
 
Ax's Avatar
 

Joined: Nov 2004
Location: Swinging Bachelor Pad
Posts: 16,501
Quote:
Originally Posted by newbietoguitar View Post
You are right caged love... My main goal is to have a relationship with Christ... I have dedicated my Life to him.... and I am wearing a purity ring (which will probably deter girls from being interested anyway).
Some candid advice.

#1. You have to get out there. This is echoing some advice already given but you're going to get nowhere sitting around and waiting. One way that God provides things is enabling you to do them yourself. God doesn't give me money, but he gave me the aptitude to perform the job I do. The same is true with dating. If you don't know any girls that you like or want to ask out, I've had friends who have had serious success with online dating. I've also known a few who've failed spectacularly (it can work just don't expect too much).

#2. Lose the purity ring. You don't need a tiny band of metal that already looks like a wedding ring to remind you not to have sex. If you do, it's not going to stop you anyways. I did the True Love Waits program, it sets very very restrictive and unrealistic expectations of dating. You can stay 'pure' (whatever that means, I prefer just saying virginal) without it. I did. I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married, it wasn't easy by any stretch of the imagination. I seriously can't blame couples who don't wait, it's a huge burden and anybody could slip.

#3. It's okay to date. You don't hit a home run every time you step into the batters box. Success with dating will probably look like a really bad batting average if you calculated it the same way. You only need to hit once, but you're more than likely going to strike out a few times before you hit the big one. Dating doesn't equate to sex. Neither does kissing. You're not taking anything away from your future spouse by dating and it's going to be difficult to find your future spouse with your first serious relationship. It happens, but very rarely. Also, I can say that this is true for myself, and some people I know, you need to learn what it's like to be in a relationship and if you, like me, make a lot of mistakes in your first few (and trust me, dealing with the opposite sex, you're going to make some comment that sets somebody off) it's probably better that you learn from those mistakes sooner rather than later.

#4. There is no "one". That's a myth from television. In your life, you may get married more than once. I'm not saying that people should go out and get divorces if you don't like the marriage, but what if the other person wants out or cheats, what if they die? Are you done with marriage forever if that happens? Not only that but the world is roughly 58% female. There's not a perfect 1:1 ratio. The world is a messy place and you need to prepare for real life and not a fairy tale.
__________________


AXimus AXamillion AXington
First of his name, moderator of the guitars and other instruments forums, changer of journal titles, haver of long titular epithets.


Current Rig:
Guitars: The NightShade, Fender Big Block Toronado, Fender Marauder, Fender Strat, Rogue ST-4
Pedals: Dunlop Crybaby -> SBN Soviet Power Booster -> SBN Modded Ibanez TS7 Tube Screamer -> SBN Discombobulamodulator -> Modded EHX Nano Small Clone -> Korg Pitchblack Tuner.
Amps: EVH 5150 III 50 Watt, Vox Night Train 15 Watt
Cabs: Late 80s Peavey 412-MS Sheffield 1290.

Public Blog

Ax is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-29-2013, 08:28 AM   #10
Rey de CGR
Administrator
 
DaGeek's Avatar
 

Joined: Nov 2005
Location: Here
Posts: 13,387
paid
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ax View Post
Some candid advice.

#1. You have to get out there. This is echoing some advice already given but you're going to get nowhere sitting around and waiting. One way that God provides things is enabling you to do them yourself. God doesn't give me money, but he gave me the aptitude to perform the job I do. The same is true with dating. If you don't know any girls that you like or want to ask out, I've had friends who have had serious success with online dating. I've also known a few who've failed spectacularly (it can work just don't expect too much).

#2. Lose the purity ring. You don't need a tiny band of metal that already looks like a wedding ring to remind you not to have sex. If you do, it's not going to stop you anyways. I did the True Love Waits program, it sets very very restrictive and unrealistic expectations of dating. You can stay 'pure' (whatever that means, I prefer just saying virginal) without it. I did. I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married, it wasn't easy by any stretch of the imagination. I seriously can't blame couples who don't wait, it's a huge burden and anybody could slip.

#3. It's okay to date. You don't hit a home run every time you step into the batters box. Success with dating will probably look like a really bad batting average if you calculated it the same way. You only need to hit once, but you're more than likely going to strike out a few times before you hit the big one. Dating doesn't equate to sex. Neither does kissing. You're not taking anything away from your future spouse by dating and it's going to be difficult to find your future spouse with your first serious relationship. It happens, but very rarely. Also, I can say that this is true for myself, and some people I know, you need to learn what it's like to be in a relationship and if you, like me, make a lot of mistakes in your first few (and trust me, dealing with the opposite sex, you're going to make some comment that sets somebody off) it's probably better that you learn from those mistakes sooner rather than later.

#4. There is no "one". That's a myth from television. In your life, you may get married more than once. I'm not saying that people should go out and get divorces if you don't like the marriage, but what if the other person wants out or cheats, what if they die? Are you done with marriage forever if that happens? Not only that but the world is roughly 58% female. There's not a perfect 1:1 ratio. The world is a messy place and you need to prepare for real life and not a fairy tale.
This post, I think, hits the nail on the head.



OP: I think that, in our quests for purity, we often put up a whole bunch of signs saying, "Stay back from me, unless you are the perfect woman for me, because then you'll somehow know that these symbols signify that you should show me you're interested." While it helps keep the symptoms down, it doesn't deal with your heart condition. You'll have to learn to let go and trust God that He is who He says He is, and that He will not let you come under any temptation that you can't handle with Him without an escape route.

I encourage you to let go of your fear, to get yourself out there, and to trust the God who loves you that, whatever happens, it'll end up okay .
__________________
I am most definitely a guy.


Donate blood and save up to three lives! Skeptical or curious about the facts? Please click here and find out from the experts!
DaGeek is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-31-2013, 02:58 PM   #11
OG Spinning Chinchilla
Administrator
 
Mara's Avatar
 

Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Corn
Posts: 9,485
I know this thread is a couple days old, but I thought I'd chime in.

Ax and DaGeek had very good things to say.

If you want a girlfriend, you have to go out and get one. There are more girls than you probably realize sitting waiting for a guy who loves the Lord to start a relationship. Find girls that love Jesus and get to know them, and if you find an attraction with somebody, ask her out. I didn't get married because I sat around waiting for God to show me the One. In fact I knew my husband for years before we ever dated and I had no romantic feelings for him whatsoever. There is no "The One." You date somebody who you have some stuff in common with, you find that you are really compatible and you're going the same direction in your life, you fall in love, you marry them, you have a life together. That relationship isn't going to be perfect no matter who you end up married to. You'll fight, you'll wonder what kind of idiot you were to get married, you'll say you're sorry, you'll kiss and make up. When those times come you don't get to decide they must not have been "The One" and then walk out. This deluded way of thinking has prevented wonderful people from having relationships, and worse, it has destroyed marriages that could have been perfectly viable.

Love God. Find a girl that you like, and ask her out. If it doesn't work out, give yourself some time, and then try again. Listen for the Holy Spirit, stay in the Word, listen to the older married people around you, and when you find a girl you love and she loves you, freaking get married.
Mara is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-31-2013, 10:08 PM   #12
Psychic theo-philosopher
 
athanatos's Avatar
 

Joined: May 2008
Location: Buffalo
Posts: 2,978
paid
What do you mean by "searching"?

Do you mean you're observing the character of the girls within your larger social sphere? Or...?
__________________
my glob

They want to stop the ones who want
Prosthetic foreheads on their heads
But everybody wants prosthetic
Foreheads on their real heads

We Want a Rock, They Might Be Giants

Hidden?
athanatos is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 12-29-2013, 08:32 PM   #13
Registered User
 
lovetopraiseHim's Avatar
 

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 17
I'm in the same boat! I'm a girl almost 20 years old and I really started pursuing God around March and April and at the time I had a boyfriend who ended up hurting me a lot I have been single for a while now and it also wear a purity ring. I feel like it is so hard to find a guy who wants to pursue me but understands that God is my priority and he feels the same way! I've seen this happen before so I have faith it can happen for me as well I just keep praying on whether I should pursue a friendship or just let the guy pursue me if he is the right guy
lovetopraiseHim is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 12-29-2013, 09:39 PM   #14
Registered User
 
zedman's Avatar
 

Joined: May 2010
Location: A pilgrim on this Earth
Posts: 1,040
This may not be what people in their early 20's want to hear, but you are still quite young and have lots of time.

If you meet someone now--great, if not waiting can actually be better.

If finding the person you're going to marry was too easy, there's a chance you might not appreciate them as much.

I know that's true in my case.

But the OP being 22, he has lots of time.

But do meet people, do pray about it and keep your eyes open.
And be prepared to wait if that's what is wise to do.

Looking back, if I'd married sooner than I did, it wouldn't have gone well.
__________________
I've been a pilgrim on this earth,since the day of my birth, I'm a long, long way from my home.
zedman is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 12-29-2013, 10:46 PM   #15
Registered User
 
lovetopraiseHim's Avatar
 

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 17
At zedman!
You're right it's not something most 20 yr olds like to hear haha but I don't mind waiting I think you're right if it is rushed it may not work bout as well right now I have my eyes on God and if something happens it happens if not that's ok! It's just a little discouraging at school with barely any good guys on campus! I know they are there I just have to find them! Even just to be friends!
lovetopraiseHim is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:03 PM.


Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2