[Ted Logan]

I've also been lurking this thread and I applaud you and your ladyfriend (haha) for the maturity and patience you're both exhibiting, not to mention the respect for her parents that you are showing.

I was also about to post in this thread if nothing had yet happened, suggesting that simple is better. bobthecockroach's suggestion ("I really like you") is worth mentioning again for anyone else reading this thread who might find themselves in a similar situation to yours. I was an incorrigible romantic in my teens, and I ran up against several brick walls that didn't have to be there. These don't really apply to your situation now, but they apply to similar situations that may come up in future. Simple is better for these reasons:

1) If you've been nursing a crush for a long time, chances are good she already realizes it, and there's a reason she hasn't said anything. Perhaps she's undecided. Perhaps she really likes you, but in a different way. "I really like you" is not nearly as potentially stressful for her to hear as some other possible lead-ins.

2) It's also very possible she has no idea. If you lead with, "I've been in love with you since the moment I saw the way you love the Lord, and I wonder if we're meant for each other," it might do more than surprise. It might shock and, potentially, scare your friend. "I really like you" has the huge advantage that it's likely only to surprise, and then she has time to consider what you've said. Think about it: You've had days/weeks/months/years to decide how you're going to tell her. You've had all this time to think. "I really like you" gives her that time. A confession of fully-formed love is usually not the right choice, no matter what movies tell us.



Now, I'm speaking from past mistakes. I had a crush on a girl in my youth group from around the age of 14, and never said a word. But it was a deep, deep crush. I had written poetry (some of the best lyrical poetry I've ever written, I must say) that she never saw. I had discussed it with trusted adults. I was in full-on teenage angst mode. I found out later that she had talked about it with my younger sister. The conversation went something like this:

"You know Aaron's in love with you, right?"
"I know!! I don't know what to do. I love your brother, but I don't want to date him!"

She was not the only one over the years who figured out what I thought was kept secret.

Then there was the girl I "fell in love with" early in college. I was so convinced we were meant to be together. She'd invite me to her parents' house for the weekend, we'd play video games, hang out on their farm, all sorts of fun stuff. I decided that I was going to tell her the next evening at sunset, when we were planning to be out in the pastures, enjoying the scenery. So there we were. And I said, "****, you melt me. I'm in love with you." Really. I said that. I thought it was so smooth.

She was so shocked (she had no idea!) that she kept saying, "Thanks for sharing." Like FOR REAL. She never got past the shock to the point where she actually told me she wasn't interested. It just sort of... sat there between us, like a maze we couldn't get through. So I never brought it up again and we stayed friends.

Then there was Heather. Heather and I met in 1999 at a Work Camp trip in Altoona, PA. We were college students working with our youth groups, and we ended up on the same work site. Our site was painting a house. Heather and I spent most of the week doing the stuff the kids wouldn't do, like I would paint the 2nd story windows while Heather held the extension ladder (she's afraid of heights).

Honestly, I was in love with her from the moment I met her. But I had learned something over the years (I was 21 at that point). "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (Song of Solomon 2:7 etc.). 4 years later, when Heather and I started dating, I fell in love with her again, and she fell in love with me. And then I asked her if she had fallen for me that week in 1999. "No," was the plain answer. It took years of maturing and developing and growing for us to be right for each other. If I had said to her what I felt in 1999, it might have scared her, annoyed her, confused her, or who knows what else. Instead, I waited until 2003, and then she fell in love with me.

And after 7 1/2 years of marriage and 2 kids, I can tell you that waiting was DEFINITELY the right choice.

So, for anyone plagued (like me) with romantic tendencies, please take my advice: Take it slow, keep it simple, and remember the difference in your perspective and hers.

[Giga Hertz]

Thanks, guys. And there's some great advice, Ted.

Originally Posted by redbaron

There's nothing like the happiness of not really 'getting' everyone's "horrible in-law" jokes, because you get along with yours.

Aw, but that means I won't get to make them, either.

[Giga Hertz]

Still no decision from her parents yet.

Though things seem good at the moment. Apparently her mum's been saying good things about me (behind my back ), and I helped her dad set up their new TV the other day.

[Giga Hertz]

Finally had the follow-up discussion with her parents. They said we're allowed to see each other on that higher up level, as long as we don't rush into things (i.e. marriage) so it's all good, we're both happy.

Any further prayers that our relationship will remain forever stable will be good.