Sometimes $7 is worth losing.

mattslope · 09-26-2011, 07:55 PM

Hypothetically, in a fictional style, and with no characters, names, places or dates being in any way factual, I have one helluva story to share.

I deliver pizza as a second job. Usually, I really enjoy the job. Tonight was the exception. Tonight I got stuck behind not one or two but three horse trailers doing at least 15 mph, I was yelled at by a man who was very angry that I was driving on his dirt road, I got lost twice while delivering otherwise hot pizza, and I delivered pizza to a man dressed only in his underwear (I assume it was his). For the sake of brevity, we'll focus on this aspect of my evening.

The man lived in the deepest, darkest part of the fictional town where I hypothetically deliver non-factual pizza. Only the lights of my little red Audi (lone fact in an otherwise entirely fictional story) illuminated his lack of clothing in the remote location where he lived. It was dark. And he was too immodestly attired.

When the naked man handed me $7 less than the amount due for his food, I gladly accepted and leapt into my idling Bavarian cruiser. I wasn't going to argue with a man who had no pockets.

After returning to the fictional pizzeria, I was informed that the nude fella was aware of his accounting blunder, and that should I be willing to return to his deserted outpost, I could have $10 more. It took me nary a moment to decide that I didn't want to learn how little clothing this man found to be necessary, and I passed.

So, here's an insider's tip: If you want a discount on freshly delivered food items to your door, all you need do is answer the door in your (or possibly someone else's) undergarments. Unless you are an attractive human. Or if you are met at your door by a delivery person who is likewise attired. Then you may end up paying far more than full