[Ben Toast]

This has always seemed to be an interesting topic, as it has such a wide variety of views and answers, depending on who you're asking it to. Some say to wait a week, some say to wait a year. So, my question is this:
If you are in a relationship with someone and it comes to an end:

1) How long should a person wait before entering into a new relationship?

2) Why?



I've always tended to think it depends on the situation. If you have been with someone for a short time and you both simply realized it's not going to go long-term, then I see no reason to wait at all. However, if it was a long-term relationship (6 months or more) and you're obviously torn over it, then by all means you should wait until you feel you are completely ready.

However, I'm still young and relatively naive on my own, and so I would like to ask you all for your inputs on such a matter as this. How long should a person wait?

[Rainer.]

I think there are actually two questions here. The first one being how soon is too soon. Which is a tricky question because for a lot of people, a rebound relationship is very likely to occur in the void that is left after one relationship ends. The loss of companionship leads to an overwhelming need for companionship that might compromise judgement. The question really becomes at that point, can you trust yourself to make wise decisions? Emotions have to much to do with how we perceive our relationships with people, and they are not always the best guiding factor after the end of a serious relationship. The length of the last relationship has very little to do with it, really. The important factor is how emotionally involved in the relationship you were.

The second question is how long is too long? Which is also a tricky question, but less tricky, I think. The reason is that you should wait as long as you really need to. Another thing that might happen after a relationship ends is that you might just be burnt out on relationships, or maybe you just need time to figure it all out. Other people might after a while pressure you into getting back into looking for a relationship, but if you're not ready, then it's not fair to anyone, really, to try to be seriously searching again.

The time when you're ready to be open to another relationship is a very personal decision. It should be cautious and prayerful, and if you don't know if you're ready or not yet, then there's no harm in waiting.

[OiBoyz]

I think it depends on the length and depth of the relationship. But if you were never married to the person, a year seems excessive.

[1/2-Fast Player]

I think you should wait until the children are grown and finished with college. Anything less will cause unneccessary hurt to innocent parties.

[tigerfan88]

It really depends on the relationship and the seriousness of it. A 2 month serious relationship is gonna be harder to get over than a 6 month relationship that isn't serious at all. It also really depends on how you're feeling. You obviously don't want to jump back into dating just because you're lonely or because you're trying to get over the person you've just broken up with. You want to wait until you're ready to move on with your life and with someone else. Despite what some people may say, there is no exact time that is right for everyone. You have to do what is best for you.

[bobthecockroach]

Off the top of my head, I can think of two main reasons to wait.

1. To make sure your new relationship isn't too affected by your old relationship.

2. Respect for your ex.

I would say reason 2 dictates you wait at least a month or the length of the relationship if less than one month. Perhaps 2 or 3 months if it was a long relationship (over a year).

Reason 1 is very personal. It could take you 6 hours to get over someone or 6 years. Or you could never get over them. Be honest with yourself about how "under the influence" of your previous relationship you are.

[redbaron]

I think you have to get to a point where time heals some of the wounds caused by the split, and you can be content in the life that you're in.

I know that I'm a slow healer, and frankly I'll take as long as necessary and bury myself in projects and ministry in order to pass the time. I eventually realize that I'm content and happy to be living the life I have, and that I'm fulfilled with the ministry God has for me- and at that point, I feel like I can start something with someone new without short-changing them.

[Ben Toast]

You and I are similar in that way; I tend to bury myself in business to pass the time. No matter what it is, I just need to be doing SOMETHING to keep my mind distracted. Generally, it works out over time. I've found that no matter what I do to distract myself, it always takes a long time to heal. But at the same time, in the same way that you can't turn a crinkled paper into a crisp, new sheet of paper, (i.e. you'll never be restored to exactly where you were before) you gotta move on at some point. In that aspect, I've been wondering this: If you know it's going to take time to heal, and you know you'll never fully heal, then how long should you wait? Granted, you don't want to become dependent upon some new person as your source of emotional well-being, but at the same time, you don't want to wait so long that you've become stagnant.

[OiBoyz]

When you can be fair to the next person.