[SupaNova]

A little longer
And it was almost like a sign
I thought I heard the friction beginning to break
…every fiber within me
Recoils with anticipation…
if His hands will repair this damage, hallelujah

[Role Modlin]

I really like that one.

[SupaNova]

Originally Posted by Lee

I really like that one.

Thanks. That one was mostly a nice little vent about a prayer that seems to be going unanswered at the moment. A lot of my entires this year have been about direction issues I'm in the middle of figuring out. I've been grateful for the timely outlet.

[SupaNova]

our eyes were upon You
Rough roads ahead for a deliverance
Is an act of faith still an action?
Community- we know not what to do
ignoring sunken souls, our eyes are upon You

Jahaziel- part possessed, half bard
Tells us how atomic their armies truly are
I love a question if the inquiry’s an honest one
But don’t let fear drive back divine reconnaissance

Finite beings stand in awe
Down in the Valley of Berachcah
Rejoice with strings and harps and horns
and praise all-knowing God forevermore

I can relish the quiet, but for how long…

[SupaNova]

The words you want
And it felt cold on the front porch
Not enough to make you shake
Only cool so as to sense your spine
Know it was still there
A flood fell from the heavens
Bullet-style
What gets said to usher in spring
Speak it behind my ribs

This is a lot like fishing,
I begin to think,
Waiting for folks sincere enough
To sucker in my soul
Snare it on the hook
Let it rise from the waters
It’s a cleansing
But also (hope aganist all small facts)
A newfound beginning

[SupaNova]

Scranton, Pennsylvania
To harbor clairvoyance
I want to see things go well
Future tense
But not so distant yet
That my shape has aged
One foot in the familiar
The other in places
It was once far too chilled
To step upon
Alas-
Temporal beings must choose
Either a heart opens
Or a hand relents
And I am thankful
The choice never was
Entirely my own
To screw up

be quiet…
listen…

…lift off

[SupaNova]

I AM ONLY A MAN

I: Move to the Beat
This is a holy moment
What love always looked like
Since the beginning
In sync with the souls
That mingle here
Fueling their fire
Higher, the emotions climb
(and the souls clamor)
For one tiny pilgrim
It’s a descent
Into destiny ripe and warm
He can’t wait
Life, as it were,
Least the creation of,
First a spine
Followed by eyes
The thinking machine becoming complete
Adapting to the corporal
Conscious again
Listen as what was zen
Gives way to tribal throbbing
I am becoming a sight to behold
My journey has begun
Yet it’s not so much a beginning
As it is a transition

II: Learn about the Core
Strange to draw breath
After ether
Being at peace for so long
The discovery is itself a fear
Yet also awe-filled
My elders baffle me
Gazing upon my novelty
Like demons ancient and odd
This can’t be reality
When my strength is so sapped
I only float
The two souls,
A perfect pairing,
Stay by my side
Reluctantly I accept their alms
For though I know not how
I can sense a kind of love
Between them
They will show me how to be…
…Central machines are at work
As I explore the potential within me
Gears rotate, sparks fly
The knee cap connects to the femur
Synapses fire and pulse clean
Cleansing the chaos
Until only what functions remains
The rock of robots encourages me along
The momentum mounts
As my mind gains control
I need not the souls anymore
I propel myself up now
Suddenly, the world is not so lonely
In temporal landscapes

III: Control Space
I increase in stature,
But what of wisdom?
My peers appear as peons
Before my pale, oblong gaze
Manipulating my own mechanics
Has made me into a god
The primal oozing out of me
Can’t say I should know better
There’s a dance party in my head
Techno telling me
I make my own destiny
Only then do friends fight back
(the true ones always will)
Humbling, how little I really know
About morality
But I am a creature of learning
With brain cells that exhale
Expand to stamp my memory
With what I realize to be right
I have sinned,
But I’ll make up for it
By becoming someone significant
I seek new lands to conqueror…

IV: Run! Enjoy!
Shoot for the moon
Been there. Done that.
And fast.
I want to be living impetus
I want to make the most of my prime
So I make like the wind
Jogging in place
As the ground revolves under my feet
To the hills I head!
And see what all our hands have wrought
Trees make way for machines
Churning up the earth
For a better tomorrow that, one day,
May not even be there
“The tenacity of it all!” I comment
Flying past like a whirlwind
Try as I might, can’t quite take it all in
Depressed, I head towards the city lights
For soothing, synthetic pop sounds
It was deserted when I arrived
'Why' was never made clear
In my youth I did not quite comprehend
How evil this world can truly be
Or about the powers that willed it so
I do now.
In their faces I yet ran
Not away, mind you,
But into the fray at the heart of my being
I intended to overcome this world
For it was my oyster
And so I thought I had it all,
Until my gaze locked with her’s…

Hey soul sister
Ain’t that Bit Shifter
On the radio,
Stereo,
The way you pose
It ain’t fair, you know?

Evil, well known and named,
Arrived to steal even her away
Triumph in my veins; perish the thought
Friends I have made rally round:
My nemesis WILL go down!

V: Unlock the Future
Perhaps I was a fool
This madness might have been stopped
Had I not been so determined
Had I been more patient
Could it be, by chance,
My life was always meant
To be a tragic one?
I wanted to be the hero
The one who made it all better again
Strike down this evil wherever it lead
And this interior strength
I had spent so many lost hours honing;
It had flipped into my undoing
I was frustrated, so full of sorrow
Just a kid who wanted to be a real man
That’s all.
O’ how I paid…
My friends stood beside me till the end
Through chilled atmosphere
And decaying urban wastelands
She held my hand
Even though I told her to flee
That this fight was my own
I felt her fingers clutch tighter
As we descended into hell on our earth
I loved my soul mate
I wish I had managed to say that much
Anger swelled inside me
Clogged the machinery,
Took up the space in my head,
Clouded my judgment
So my foe’s taunting only fueled my rage
Dubstep drops beckoned me into folly
It could be said, I suppose,
That we only beat back death every single day
That, perhaps, it is a futile effort
Following his trail, I finished him
Yeah, I killed that bastard
Exactly what the hate consuming him deserved
But in doing so, I too faced a fall
At my enemy’s mercy no less

She cried at the scene
Wept, really
I wish I had told her how she meant the world to me
That somewhere before this mess started
I was fighting not for my demons,
But for some peace
For the two of us
“I love you soul sister
And I will watch over you
While you live, give it all you got
As for me, I rise”…

VI: Return to the Source
Yet it’s not so much an ending
As it is an epiphany
They looked so strange during ascension
Like pixilated shadows
And I was desperate to reach them
Just one last moment
If only to properly bid them farewell
But I had sealed my own fate
And so they faded away
Even her…
There was no time left to mourn for the living
(was there time at all anymore?)
A final adventure awaited
This was familiar,
I remember thinking
(was ‘thought’ still accurate?)
As I hung out among a million questions
Ether
I had missed your air
My powers fully restored
Like they had been before my journey
I was ready for this final leg
Save for one second,
I hesitated, I panicked
Back peddled against eternity
I wanted to go back
To breathe again
Match her gaze
Then it hit me- I was going back
All about perception
I suppose
And so I carried on
The longer I traveled
The more at peace my heart became
As if the essence of far off things:
Gas giants, nebulas, star matter
Suddenly loomed very close
I am a symphony of coordination
I knew without having to acknowledge the truth
This was where I belonged
Like a circle
I had returned from whence I had come
It was the most natural feeling
It felt like a resting place
I was back
Home.

[SupaNova]

Yeah....the final entry's not gonna be up tonight. Just didn't have a chance to get started on it early enough today.

It'll be up before the weekend is over though.

Just sayin', in case anybody is interested

[Role Modlin]

Good job this year. I have enjoyed reading your stuff.

[SupaNova]

Road to Jeffersonville

Hulking, smashing I come crashing, nothing like when I was small - Reese Roper

Twenty four years in the fire, watch me fall - Katie Herzig


It happened like this:

A boy grew up without a father
Perhaps this way was better
Time still has stories yet to spin
Nevertheless, the boy grew anyway
In wisdom and in stature
Yet he never felt quite good enough
Like he was only half as tall as he ought to be
And as the boy approached the thresholds of manhood,
He entered them alone
And became something of a prodigal

When the choice was set before him,
He decided to go west,
Deeper into the heart of this place,
For he had heard the stories
Tales of flames ignited there
Of conquerors, heroes birthed
And the beauties that occupied such land
Burnt out and running low on friends
(what shallow ones there ever were)
He packed, then traveled
Looking back occasionally,
Though never for long
The past, he thought
Was best left to its own writhing

Upon arrival,
He suspected life was getting better
Yet too soon, those illusions unraveled
I hear about it often among religious circles
Youth who spend their scholarly years in bliss
Only to have their perspectives crash
When the drawbridges open wide
If only he had been so fortunate
Before his first December arrived,
He knew he hated this
That the world was a cruel speck
In what might be described
As an uncaring universe
This is what he thought, anyway
So he backed away from the Creator of it all
Playing solitaire every night,
He thought,
Was no way to be serving a King of kings
Perhaps his service was not wanted
He descended into apathy…

It was during his third year,
Sitting under the blinding light
Of what felt to be an ancient amphitheater
He did this often in the winter months
To escape an even colder apartment
He was never welcomed in
And he would have moved out gladly
Had heaven sent him the help to do so
if Someone up there would have made a path
Tiny green book in his hands
Looking as if it was written in old English
He liked the look of the printing,
Reminded him of some long lost text
Encouraging and powerful
It was here on a night such as this
That he first wept
and then cried out to Whom
He had unwittingly turned his back on
Too long ago
The desert had begun

And he wanted his sins forgiven
And a direction to follow
Paved by daylight

Most of all,
He wanted to find her.

‘The One’, some romantic types
Insist on referring to her as
Already, he had known many charming young ladies
Several he quite liked, in fact
He never mention a word of this to any of them
Because he always felt inadequate
One look in the mirror always did the trick
If he had thought to put the words together back then
He might have declared “damn this culture!
It plants false notions of love
Fantasies of utopian people
Living immaculately
Riding off into sunsets
And all that plastic junk”
Deep down, he even believed
Such images ruined his own chances
Of ever finding joy
Another curse of the reflection
No girl ever grows up, he accepted,
Dreaming of a broken prince…

Then he met his first real crush
He knew her by the pressure she caused
Inside his chest
Something like collapsing
Yet not quite enough
She was a poet
With a guitar in the hands
And feet like the insides of a clock
In her presence
The world didn’t feel so dark anymore
In fact, his skin often felt like it was in bloom
When they were together
One afternoon, he summoned the courage
He never knew he had
And he told her just that
She was flattered,
Excited even
But ultimately, she said no
He was not sure
What to make of such a strange mix
He carried the weight with grace
It was easier back then

They stayed friends,
But eventually, she drifted off
She made her peace and a life back home
He stayed behind
Foolishly believing he might still win her heart
In the meantime, he stumbled onto kindred spirits
Not quite his own people, but close enough
Preachers and prophets and singers they were
And it felt like relief to have friends again
Maybe for the first time, really
It took only a summer vacation
For the truth to sink back in

A pause- momentarily-
to remember a scene with the Savior
He has just proven that inside this skin
the terrible, wondrous command of God
Stirs, untainted and full
“Who is this man’, the disciples cautiously ask,
“That even the seas and the winds obey him?”
On the other side of the lake, dawn welcomes them
As do the five thousand now fed,
And they want their breakfast
The Christ, with all His hopes up,
Begins telling them of bread that will always satisfy
A well that never runs dry
They will not be quelled, they want their manna
With all the trimmings and the sides
And when it dawns upon them
He has no intention of doing so again
they desert the Son of man
Dejected, perhaps the tiniest bit depressed
He looks upon the twelve
Asks if they too wish to leave
“Where would we go?”
The reply comes

‘Where indeed’, perhaps the Savior thinks
He knows all to well where the apostles will go
When cowards return in the dead of night
With torches and swords and authority
flee they will, friendless He shall be
Even as Simon Peter & the son of thunder
Creep back through the darkness
Close behind,
One of them even then ready to reject Him

…Finally, months later
He drove her to a destination
Early in the morning (so early,
It could be called night)
He stood in the driveway
With all his being,
He wanted to say he loved her
He didn’t make it that far
In hindsight,
He concluded this was a very good thing
For he did not love her, not exactly
He cared for her deeply
And was headed in the right direction
But it was not love
They were too incompatible
For this to be so

His scholarly stay concluded,
He diminished out east
To Dumpsville
Never meaning to stay long,
But life has a funny way
Of ruining plans
This was the heart of the wilderness
And apathy took hold again
Darker things began to take shape
He made what the locals called ‘a peace’
It looked more like giving up
Felt more like it too

He lived life as best he knew how
He had no friends, no way of buying bread
But somehow he survived
Enough that he never bothered to believe
That he was constructed for better things
For dreams
“If the LORD needed me,
He wouldn’t have built me out of spare parts”
Yet he lived
There was something of meaning there
It kept him hopeful,
Never very much
Perhaps only enough to survive
Finally, on a cold spring night,
He let her go
Let out a long sigh in Cincinnati
Her name, whispered in smoke
And she floated away on the winds
he knew Who would always look after her
That peace, at least, was somewhat genuine
He spent the rest of that year battling demons
Ducking the allure of sirens
Maidens who once were mere mortals,
Now turned into something
Glorious and yet so sad by the world
He defeated the traitor in the flesh,
Knocked in his teeth with his own cigarette
As I recall,
But he did not end him
He tried to destroy the chains of apathy and fear
He really tried,
But it was not quite time yet

One day, a year later, late in the summer,
Something unexpected happened
A dream was revived inside him
He remembered Andromeda, across the sea
Andromeda was tall, sharp
She had thin skin
The thickest of all
She was beautiful to gaze upon
Inside and out
He didn’t want this
In fact, he pleaded with his Maker
Asked him to take these feelings away
Because they felt impossible
If anybody had ever been out of his league
It was fairest Andromeda

Can I not part the waters?
Or annihilate whole armies?
Or stop the sun in her tracks?
How much easier then,
Is it to open a tiny heart?

He reflected on this for some time
Too long, some might say
It had been years, after all
To suddenly find courage
Even that felt impossible
but he had faith in the Almighty One
And he knew faith required an action

So he set sail for southwestern skies
With the hope of a man
Who had never known defeat
The tales that were spun on this voyage
Are far too numerous to recall here
And I cannot say I have even collected them all
But you need to know this much:
He found her,
With great effort, he recited his feelings
All the affection he had to offer
Andromeda was kind, surprised,
Most of all honest…
The boy returned east upon his shield
He really did love her, he decided
Not the kind of “love”
That lingers on silver screens
And cheap, sultry novels
But that real sort
The kind that allowed him
To walk away from her
Honoring her wishes
Against his own

Back east, he felt defeated all over again
This time, he gave in
Only briefly
Just enough to do tremendous damage
And he lost all hope
All his confidence,
What little manhood he had attained
Was wretched from his grasp again
Those demons returned
From the grave, from the past
A multitude of their kind
Set sail across the sea
Bent on his ruin
Or the grave
Whichever came first
The traitor in the flesh
Lead their horrible march into the heart

And he knew not what to do
Or how he had fallen so far
But his eyes were upon One better than he
Again, the details ramble on far too long
To tell this story in full, but I can say
It took a good length of time
Took incredible effort on his part
But those ghostly foes were thrown down again
He took the traitor out
Not with a warning this time
But with the sword etched in his fist
He ended it, through strength not his own
Hallelujah, of course

The rebuilding soon began
And just when he started to believe
He could never risk his heart so boldly again
In his own backyard, he looked up
Far off and high, beyond the clouds,
There was the aurora
Lady of the northern lights
She hung in the air quietly
Beautifully, too
On a plane above midwestern skylines,
He decided that yes,
He would risk it all again
It was a brand new year
He would risk again

The rebuilding continued
Inside and out
the Spirit working furiously within
He could not explain it,
Nor did he feel like he deserved such mercy
But he accepted it
And grew in wisdom and in stature
Finding his true height at last
By acts of faith
(which yes, indeed are actions)
He transformed
Became bolder
In speech and thought and prayer
He uplifted his brothers nearby
And defended his sisters
Friends, the real article it seemed,
Gathered around him
Nobody was more shocked than he was
He even discovered ways to pay the bills
One night, he swore,
He heard the noise of rain
Saw the sands shifting
Saplings worshiping in the aftermath
“Six years”, he commented to no one
“that’s a long time.
It takes so long to rise…
…but it’s worth the price”

When the world seemed to be getting brighter
He felt like he was in a good place
All he needed now,
Was to prove himself to her lightness
To persuade her
That after all his suffering
These trials, those shadows he fought
That he was absolutely a man
a man of God, no less
A third time, I leave out the details of what followed
I know them well
But I have not yet the heart to tell them in full
I will say this much though:
It is one thing to test the waters and stay friends
It is also one thing to be rejected with grace

It is another thing entirely to be lied to.

A handsomer fellow had stolen her heart
He witnessed this with his own tired eyes
She did not have the heart to tell him
He truly wished she had

That evening, he could have wept again
This was too much
He pulled something off his head
It looked like an ear
an imitation of what God didn’t give him
He felt the magnets embedded in his skull
Traced the scars along his chest
Touched the metal box, pumping his blood

The past came flooding back
All he ever wanted,
Really wanted,
To be normal:
He would have traded his kingdom
Every cent, every possession he had
Rattling round this mortal coil
For a symmetrical face
A body that didn’t look like a road map
The heart of one destined for great things
To be leader, defender, provider
Was it really too much to ask…

There was a weight now
Pulling, tearing at his sinews
It was magnificent
His fist clinched in the sand
Sweat like rain
Descending
The weight pressed
‘I can’t wait much longer’
He thought seriously
Maybe it won’t ever happen,
He concluded
Maybe it can’t
Perhaps his life
Bound up by misery,
Birth defects,
Artificial limitations,
Crushed hopes,
So many crushed dreams,
Perhaps his life was a mistake
An accident, he suggested
The answer came thundering back:
I make no mistakes.
The weight lifted, briefly,
Like fireflies climbing
In the wake of dusk
Before suddenly sinking
Three feet deeper
The weight heaved and hoed,
It rocked within his hollow chest
“Let there be light”
All he had left to utter
“Let there be light”
A voice, wise and ancient:
“There will be. You are so close my child‘,
She said,
‘This time, you prove ’em all wrong
You let your real character shine
Not the sins you carry
But the saint that, even now,
Is fighting like heaven within
Get up and walk,
This time you’ve got it right, son”

Lady Wisdom walks the streets in urgency
For all who would heed her talk
Her white robes trailing behind
Barefoot in the long grass
“For so long now, all you’ve gone is up
My son, you‘ve risen far enough,
You just don’t realize what all you’ve accomplished
Your head is clear, you can see past the trees at last
Now is your time
You make it your own
Walk on, walk on, walk on
Cause you can‘t go back now
And really, why would you want to?”

To sit like a stone
It does no good
Only the hate can grow then
Its thorns choke out all the good things
That were growing first
It was then the man realized,
How blessed he truly was
Rich in friendship,
Thought it didn’t always feel like it
So isolated still day to day
Yet they were out there,
A few closer than others,
And best of all: they were true
Someday, he would realize his hopes
And one more setback
Couldn’t steal all that joy anymore

If Borealis didn’t want his wellspring of love
Then give her to God and forget her
Some beautiful lady will, someday
But it was difficult to believe that
It took faith

And there were costs, he learned
to follow in the footsteps of a Carpenter
It was easy to do at first,
Yet so much had to be relented along the way
Thoughts and things
Reputations had to be reconsidered
Jokes that were once funny suddenly rang hollow
Hurtful, even
He needed to take sides
Make choices
Hop off fences
Tread with an olive branch in one fist
A thunderbolt in the other
There was one price, however, he hesitated on
He seriously challenged the notion
To find the community he craved,
Perhaps he must give up another one
Someplace familiar, safe
The idea hit like bricks
But a choice had to be made
He was not sure which side to take until
One night, he found the truth
Blinking back at him from a text doc:
I tire of being digital
Of being known almost solely so,
He corrected
All the same…

“Is this thought a right one?
It feels so much like a betrayal
Or at the very least, an ending”
“It’s more like the closing of a chapter
Or moving to a new town
It’s not an ending,
Not even a parting, really
It’s a transition
Think of it as a blessing”
Her peace spoken, she left

Alone again (or so he felt)
He requested an audience
with the LORD
Explaining everything
What was in his heart
What he feared,
How impossible his dreams seemed
How he longed for city lights
And the security of these friendships
He was diligently building
How he regretted the loss of Aurora
But he’d accept it like a man
Who learned from his mistakes
He asked if he was doing the right thing
Chasing after all these aspirations
If perhaps, his life was meant to be a quiet one
Inconsequential, perhaps, was a better word
The answer, as always, came thundering back
I make no mistakes
And I descended down and died
So that you might learn how to live
You know My heart,
I’ve showed you everything I require
Of a righteous man
Go forth, speak the truth
Shine light into dark places
And make a life for yourself
As for the daughters of men,
Millions swim in the proverbial seas
Keep seeking, My son
After all,
Did I not tell you be a fisherman?

The wisest nations,
I’ve always thought,
Are much like the gift of grace
They’re built of straw and small mistakes
And when the bad times befall them
The bad simply blows away

As he walked among the grasses,
Polaris caught his eye
The star beamed brightly
Like an old friend,
In what was otherwise a chaotic sky
He smiled
Looking out towards the south,
He knew where is heart was
And where he prayed life would take him
With one foot at the ready,
He prepared to wait,
because One better than he never slept
Nor slumbered
Off in the dark, he looked toward the hills
And waited, again
This time in anticipation

His soul, finally, was blooming.

[SupaNova]

Originally Posted by Lee

Good job this year. I have enjoyed reading your stuff.

Why thank you sir, glad you were throughly entertained.

I definately needed to take part this year. I feel like this has been the most constructive set I've churned out so far too.