My future

Kentl · 03-23-2011, 05:17 PM

Well my brother is 19, married, has a kid on the way, not having a job
ect

Well its not really his fault, its my dad's (the not being reedy part not the kid or the marriage)
why?
simple
my brother has got jobs saying come in for an interview
and he cant go

he don't have a driving license (because dad wont pay for a class and wont teach him)
and my dad wont drive him to the job

heck it was just before he got married that he got some ID
and now his whole future is chaotic all cause of my dad
I really don't want to have my future ruined because my dad dose not want to get up

(and no talking dose not help we tried)

I'm 16 almost 17
sure i have a few years but so did Steven and it was always "next year"

What am i sopouse to do? let this man ruin my life?
join the military so i can leave?
(wont be able to get a job to pay for a house or school so only option)

add the fact my dad has said I'm out by 20 (which is why Steven is leaving this year since he turns 20)

so yeah I don't have my time to do the imposable

thoughts\advice?

Jfool · 03-23-2011, 05:26 PM

Think past your dad. Think of ways to get these things done without him. I know he is a drag, but forget him.
See what you come up with. Pray about it. Talk to people about it. People are amazing when you reach out to them. A ride to the drivers exam ... something a lot of people might do for someone who asks. I knew someone who took a taxi to work for an entire month. It was better than losing the job.

Talk to school counselor about college financial aid and scholarship options and begin doing the kinds of things that get you approved.

Napoleon17 · 03-23-2011, 06:28 PM

Yeah, it might be difficult living with him but some kids don't even have dads. You've got to make sure you take responsibility for your own life, your own choices, and your own future. Not saying that you aren't taking responsibility, just that it's tempting to want to place the blame for your failures on someone else. And you will fail in some areas of your life going forward.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kentl

and now his whole future is chaotic all cause of my dad

Did your dad force your older brother to have sex? To get married? I point this out because it shows that you might have an attitude of placing blame on your dad, and while maybe he is to blame for some of your brother's problems, being married and having a child is not something that your dad should be blamed for. Your dad will be accountable for his own decisions, and your brother will be accountable for his own decisions. So will you. All you can do is make the best decisions you can in life, try to maintain a good attitude of individual responsibility, and work as hard as you can to overcome the obstacles that are in your way.

Kentl · 03-23-2011, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jfool

Think past your dad. Think of ways to get these things done without him. I know he is a drag, but forget him.
See what you come up with. Pray about it. Talk to people about it. People are amazing when you reach out to them. A ride to the drivers exam ... something a lot of people might do for someone who asks. I knew someone who took a taxi to work for an entire month. It was better than losing the job.

Talk to school counselor about college financial aid and scholarship options and begin doing the kinds of things that get you approved.

well i cant take a taxi i live on farm land that would cost about 80 bucks a trip (i really have know idea how much)

As for someone giving me a drive

No one is really close to us

even so its more my dad says "no" to everything i ask

Quote:

Originally Posted by Napoleon17

Yeah, it might be difficult living with him but some kids don't even have dads. You've got to make sure you take responsibility for your own life, your own choices, and your own future. Not saying that you aren't taking responsibility, just that it's tempting to want to place the blame for your failures on someone else. And you will fail in some areas of your life going forward.

so what would you sugest?
I go aginst my father or stay here in till I'm 20, dont know how to drive, dont have any $$$ for school or home and out on my own?

I want to get a job but he wont let me because he dose not have time to take me

i want to learn to drive he wont let me

i cant do anything form this farm land

I could get lessons to drive maybe form a freind but even so my dad wont let us use the family car

so i have no way to use it

and im not 100% the guy can teach me (he has a lot of his own porblems keeping the farm going)

maybe i could walk 40 miles or so but it is aginst the law to walk on a interstate

Quote:

Originally Posted by Napoleon17

Did your dad force your older brother to have sex? To get married? I point this out because it shows that you might have an attitude of placing blame on your dad, and while maybe he is to blame for some of your brother's problems, being married and having a child is not something that your dad should be blamed for. Your dad will be accountable for his own decisions, and your brother will be accountable for his own decisions. So will you. All you can do is make the best decisions you can in life, try to maintain a good attitude of individual responsibility, and work as hard as you can to overcome the obstacles that are in your way.

um if you read my post i did edit it i will admit it was bad wording on my part

my brother had it all planed out and was reedy to provide for her
but then my dad started saying no to geting a job

so yeah it is his fault he is not reedy for the marriage

as for the Sex did not force him but certainly did not help

he is okay with it and sees nothing wrong with it
so yeah....

**MtlMom** · 03-23-2011, 08:01 PM

Shawn, is this going to be another one of those threads where you ask for advice, then tell everyone why their advice won't work? If so, there is really no point in replying. People here would love to help you, and they will offer their best advice, but please do them the courtesy of considering their advice and praying about it.

Kentl · 03-23-2011, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MtlMom

Shawn, is this going to be another one of those threads where you ask for advice, then tell everyone why their advice won't work? If so, there is really no point in replying. People here would love to help you, and they will offer their best advice, but please do them the courtesy of considering their advice and praying about it.

What's so hard to understand about the fact that some advice jsut ownt work?

how am i going to take a taix when i leave on farm lands?
Even if they did how would i pay for it?

even so the fact remains unless i get someone to take me to work evrey single day
or let me drive their car (with them in it)

I'm stuck here

even then my dad still says "no"

If someone says "run all the way to downtown"
should i considerar it?

why cant i tell them truth that that advice wont work for this?

I'm 100% by myself unless someone pays for evreythign i ahve no way of doing this

there is nothing to considar for the taxi its not possable

the someone eles taking me

has my dad saying "no" or me going behined his back
not an option either way

even if he did say yes i have to find someone
who
A. dose not work days
B. can take me there
C. can pick me up
D. will be willing to pay for it

***Art*** · 03-23-2011, 08:16 PM

Shawn, it's as simple as this. Your brother needs to take responsibility for himself.

When you are adult, it will be the same.

Kentl · 03-23-2011, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chocolate Bear

Shawn, it's as simple as this. Your brother needs to take responsibility for himself.

When you are adult, it will be the same.

he tried but my dad said no evrey time

He had a few jobs that wanted him dad said no

he is going in to the service to help his family don't you DARE ever say he is not taking responsibility for himself (not amied at you but evrey one)

he is learning to drive he might be putting his life on the line jsut becuse my dad's to lazy to drive him to a job

he married this girl with a rinpop so he could take care of her with his military cararr

the only reason my brtoher is like this is ebcuse my dad

***Art*** · 03-23-2011, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kentl

he tried but my dad said no evrey time

He had a few jobs that wanted him dad said no

he is going in to the service to help his family don't you DARE ever say he is not taking responsibility for himself (not amied at you but evrey one)

he is learning to drive he might be putting his life on the line jsut becuse my dad's to lazy to drive him to a job

he married this girl with a rinpop so he could take care of her with his military cararr

the only reason my brtoher is like this is ebcuse my dad

You are contradicting yourself, Shawn. All of his problems are because of someone else? That is putting the responsibility on someone else, not taking it on himself.

Kentl · 03-23-2011, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chocolate Bear

You are contradicting yourself, Shawn. All of his problems are because of someone else? That is putting the responsibility on someone else, not taking it on himself.

how am i contradicting my self?

should my brother be held responsible because my dad would not teach him to drive or even let him try to learn to drive? how about get a job?
he was not yet an adult so it falls on my dad

seems to me he had no control over that and WAS my dads fault

it was not his fault and now he is paying for it by going in to the service

may even cost him is life
he is taking responsibility
responsibility for my dads mistakes

**MtlMom** · 03-23-2011, 08:35 PM

You can't change your father, you can't change the past, and you can't make choices for Steven. What you CAN do is take responsibility for your own actions, and make sure that you don't make the same mistakes that your brother did.

Kentl · 03-23-2011, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MtlMom

You can't change your father, you can't change the past, and you can't make choices for Steven. What you CAN do is take responsibility for your own actions, and make sure that you don't make the same mistakes that your brother did.

What mistakes did he make? 9besides pre marrige sex)

the marriage was not a mistake it was the right thing to do

What actiosn can i do?

I live on a farm area

how to drive a while to get anywhere
and my dad wont take me

i cant take responsibility cause there is nothing my dad will let me do

rember me being a pin seter?
had to quite recuse he got tired of taking us

how can i take repsoabilty when he wont let me

I have no CLUE what to do

**thesteve** · 03-23-2011, 08:45 PM

Do you have any friends in the city that would be able to help you out? You're 16, right? I'm not sure what the laws in Texas are, but I know in California that's old enough to file for emancipation.

**scared2mosh** · 03-23-2011, 08:54 PM

^that

if what you say is true you need to get outta there... military might not be the worst idea, but I'd try to get out by other means first.

Kentl · 03-23-2011, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thesteve

Do you have any friends in the city that would be able to help you out? You're 16, right? I'm not sure what the laws in Texas are, but I know in California that's old enough to file for emancipation.

No Most of my friends live
in a few towns over

My friends come form church

here are my friends (younger means they dont know how to drive)

Walter (best friend in history\blood brother)
he has seizures so he could not take me
Tina: younger then me
Emily: younger then me
My brother (we know this one)
LJ (he is going to kentucy)
Amber (we tried picking me up for things but gas cost to much for her)
there are more friends but they either are gone or have not seen in a few months\live in Oklahoma

I have one friend close to home and he is 9 (but cool)

the problem with emancipation (besides the fact i dont know much about it)
is that I would be on my own

where would I go?
like my dad is going to take me any where

and Walking for hours on end just to find something

no that would be stuiped of me (now if i could have some $$$ and a job then maybe)

acording to this i guess there is none?

Emancipation of minors - laws | LII / Legal Information Institute

well teaxs is blank so i dont know

EDit
its 17 or 16 if your finances independent which i am not

even then what about my home schooling?

this is something a teen who was not repsoabale would do

I need to look at the big pitcure, and what I'm seeing seems like this is runing away

and even then what about biblical problems?

it may work but i really dont see how