[crazycanadian]

Originally Posted by Rainer.

I wouldn't call it virtue so much as wishful thinking.

I'll say that it's haughty statement that being free from a "messy past" is at all virtuous. .

I could be misreading you, if so then I apologize. But if I am reading your comment correctly then I disagree entirely with this premise. There is absolutely virtue in remaining single until you have met the right one. That's not to say that those who wait are any MORE virtuous then those who haven't waited, because yes they will mess up in other areas, however; just because I make mistakes in one area of my life doesn't mean that I shouldn't avoid mistakes in another area.

I agree that fear is not something that should be encouraged, but if God is not leading you to be married, then don't.

As a non-authorative source with little to no credibility, I definitely advocate avoiding relationships if you are not in a place where a serious relationship would be beneficial to your walk with God/Spiritual Growth, and I also advise against chasing a relationship for the sake of a relationship.

[Rainer.]

Originally Posted by crazycanadian

There is absolutely virtue in remaining single until you have met the right one. That's not to say that those who wait are any MORE virtuous then those who haven't waited, because yes they will mess up in other areas, however; just because I make mistakes in one area of my life doesn't mean that I shouldn't avoid mistakes in another area.

You make breaking up sound like a sin.

Sometimes ending a relationship is an incredibly difficult but entirely right thing to do. I envy those who have never had a broken relationship, who meet the one they marry on the first try.

But for the rest of us, myself included, life is messy. Things happen. Relationships end.... ... You get to know someone, fall in love, fully intend to stay committed... then circumstances change. Your life feels like it's getting ripped out from under you. Every circumstance seems to point towards the end of the closest friendship you can ever remember having in your life, and the next thing you know, you're completely devastated in the wake of losing what you never thought you could possibly lose.

It doesn't make that relationship wrong and it doesn't make ending that relationship wrong either.

A broken relationship in someone's life is not a taint on their character. I find it often builds that character.

[The wirerat]

I would also caution the OP against getting into a relationship and going directly for marriage. You may end up dating a few people before you find "THE ONE" (although I'm of the belief that there isn't just one person for everyone but thats another discussion.) I dated a girl once who wanted to get married, and that all she was focused on. The relationship went absolutely nowhere because she focused on getting married to me and not having a relationship and growing with me and stuff. Take things slow, take it easy, and focus on what God wants for your life. The single life is perfect for unwavering commitment to ministry because you have no one to distract you from ministry.

[redbaron]

I think that's a pretty good point there. While marriage is a goal, it can't be the only goal, you have to figure that you need to build enough of a relationship based on interests, hobbies, emotional & spiritual togetherness, etc that you can actually spend the next 50+ years of your life with them.

Just getting to the wedding is like working your whole life to get to the big game and then once you're there not having a gameplan to finish that well.

[Caged Love]

Originally Posted by redbaron

I think that's a pretty good point there. While marriage is a goal, it can't be the only goal, you have to figure that you need to build enough of a relationship based on interests, hobbies, emotional & spiritual togetherness, etc that you can actually spend the next 50+ years of your life with them.

Just getting to the wedding is like working your whole life to get to the big game and then once you're there not having a gameplan to finish that well.

Exactly. I have been in the boat where I was focused too much on getting to marriage and not enough on the present time, which burned me bad in the end. It sucked because I didn't really know what I was doing at the time, but taking a step back and looking at it after you can see the mistakes you make. But you learn from them and it makes you stronger, or so I would hope.

But back to the OP. We all have those moments where we feel as though we really, really want to get married. It's the way God hard-wired us, so there isn't anything wrong with that at all. I can understand the part where you don't want to "give" yourself away to different guys; it always sucks to be committed so much to someone and have things not work out. But God is sovereign, He will work and He will guide us through life. Something I try to remember when I get the "single blues" (and living at a Bible College for the past 4 years, I have seen a lot of relationships bloom without me being a part of them ) is that being single isn't bad. Paul thought it to be better if people were single, because it left them with more time to be with God. Maybe it's only comforting to me, I dunno, but it makes marriage seem more like a privilege and less like a right to me.

[Dice]

I'm 27 and I've always been single. Let's get hitched. Problem solved.

P.S. I plan on moving to Korea and living there for the rest of my life. Hope you're cool with that.

[SilverNitrate]

I'll start by saying I'm 30 and never married. I would like to find my wife eventually... just haven't found her, nor have I really looked for her for the past 5 or so years.
With that being said:

Originally Posted by SierraNichole

... never dated because I never saw the point in giving parts of me away to numerous guys. I am praying for a husband and really just want to get married.

What would you tell someone who says "I want to be the top scientist in my field. I pray regularly for this achievement and I just really really want that. Oh, but I'm not studying anything related to achieving my goal because I don't see a point in filling my head with useless knowledge."?

The above might be a bit extreme of an example, but that's what I thought from reading your post, SierraNichole. Dating (in cultures like ours here in America) is the first step to finding your spouse. The only way you're going to be able to get married without ever dating is to purchase a mail-order-husband or get your parents to set up an arranged marriage with a guy's parents.

Taking the first step (dating) is pretty much the only way to reach the finish line (marriage). Furthermore, dating isn't really "useless knowledge"... you will learn valuable things about yourself, what you want in a spouse, what you don't want, etc... Yes, you might get hurt along the way but that's life. Trial and error... live and learn...

Originally Posted by SierraNichole

How do you deal with being single when you really just want that other person in your life?

Everyone's going to be different. Everyone's going to cope with this in their own ways. I deal with it be hanging out with my friends, reading books, playing video games... basically just occupy my mind on something other than the fact that I'm single. However, this works for me because right now in my life I'm not really ready for a long-term relationship.

I will leave you with this:
There was a knock on a Jim's door. Jim answers and a neighbor frantically tells him he needs to evacuate because there's a flood coming that's going to wipe out the area. Jim says to the neighbor "I'm not worried, God will take care of me."
The flood progressed and Jim was forced to his roof. A man in a boat drove by and told Jim to get in the boat so he could be taken to safety. Jim replied to the man in the boat by saying "I'm not worried, God will take care of me."
The flood continued to get worse. Jim is now treading water when a rescue chopper flew to his aide. The rescuer tells Jim to take the ladder and climb to safety. Jim said "I'm not worried, God will take care of me."
Moments later Jim was standing before God. Jim then says to God "God, how did I die? I thought you would take care of me?"
God replied to Jim "Well, I sent you your neighbor to warn you of the upcoming flood. I also sent you a boat and a helicopter...."

Although you may not see the point of dating you may want to keep an open mind so that you don't pass up your "neighbor, boat and helicopter."

[Azul]

just do what I do!! I made the decision to PROMISE myself for my future wife, and woman of my dreams! I'm happy begin single, and decided everyday to improve myself for God, and somewhere along the lines he will prepare the woman who deserves the man I am to become in God! <3