[Kentl]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

Two divorces and dating guys... I guarantee you, she has gotten hurt.


So your point is that your odds are, that you will forge a better friendship with a stranger while artificially trying to "fall in love" with someone you do not know, rather than a close friend?

I call BS.

1st either you miss read my post or i miss posted, checking you miss read my post

the ones she divorced where her best friends in the whole world and she was devastated

the one she is with was not he r friend and they have an anversry in three days



yes in my experience it works
my family is proof of that
my brothers dating life is
so is my how ever small exsprince it is

[Kentl]

Originally Posted by Rainer.

Yeah, probably.

When it comes down to it, I'm pretty old school. I would be off put by a girl that would ask me on a date first. Besides, dates are my opportunity to treat a girl right. In my opinion, she should be able to sit back and enjoy herself.

thanks this helos


Where i am the girl can ask but the guy still needs to make her enjoy her slefd
and she makes him enjoy jim self

where i am they both are equal no one can just "sit back" (i know thats not what you man I'm just giving an example)

when we go on dates the girl can pick the guy can pick
they both can pay or what ever they want

all that maters is they both have a good time and are there for one another

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by Kentl

1st either you miss read my post or i miss posted, checking you miss read my post

No actually, I didn't you posted that neither your mom, nor your brother had gotten hurt in their dating.

the ones she divorced where her best friends in the whole world and she was devastated

I am not sure what to say about this, but there is way more at play here. I guarantee you this though, there is far more at play here than relationship before the marriage. And frankly, using someone who has had 3 marriages as a role model is tricky, because her experiences led her to where she is, and I believe you want your experience to lead you someplace different, correct?

the one she is with was not he r friend and they have an anversry in three days

Good healthy, loving marriage you want to emulate? I am not saying that to be cruel, but from your posts, I don't think you want a marriage like theirs.

yes in my experience it works
my family is proof of that
my brothers dating life is
so is my how ever small exsprince it is

Your brother is not married yet. Marriage is only the beginning. Your family as you describe it, is frankly not what you want to emulate, is it? Do you want a marriage that is different or the same as theirs?

And sometimes people do meet people and develop a strong friendship through dating. But honestly, in my experience and watching that is not the path to a long term happy relationship usually.

The first year or two dating I don't think you really know the person. It takes a long time to really know a person. It just does. People change over seasons and times and its best to know how they have and how they will to know who they really are and for them to do the same with you. Honestly, you are usually more honest and real with friends than those whom you are trying to get as a girlfriend, thus you know the real them far sooner.

[Kentl]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

No actually, I didn't you posted that neither your mom, nor your brother had gotten hurt in their dating.

i meant when it came to dating thsoe who where not their freinds

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

I am not sure what to say about this, but there is way more at play here. I guarantee you this though, there is far more at play here than relationship before the marriage. And frankly, using someone who has had 3 marriages as a role model is tricky, because her experiences led her to where she is, and I believe you want your experience to lead you someplace different, correct?

I hardily EVER complain about my mother
i love her to death
she is wise and i go to her for all of my problems and to stop my mistakes
because 9 times out of 10 she made them

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

Good healthy, loving marriage you want to emulate? I am not saying that to be cruel, but from your posts, I don't think you want a marriage like theirs.

like my dad? no
like my mom? yes

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

Your brother is not married yet. Marriage is only the beginning. Your family as you describe it, is frankly not what you want to emulate, is it? Do you want a marriage that is different or the same as theirs?

not my dad
but my mom's part
there cant be two like my mom cause then it would eb dang near perfect

as i said i put YET i know it is just the beginign for him and her

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

And sometimes people do meet people and develop a strong friendship through dating. But honestly, in my experience and watching that is not the path to a long term happy relationship usually.

The first year or two dating I don't think you really know the person. It takes a long time to really know a person. It just does. People change over seasons and times and its best to know how they have and how they will to know who they really are and for them to do the same with you. Honestly, you are usually more honest and real with friends than those whom you are trying to get as a girlfriend, thus you know the real them far sooner.

not to me I am so blunt

I go out and tell them

"I'm bi polar, I'm disleha, or and my dads a jerk"
and then tell them i am weird and can be a jerk also

thats not to say i dont have secreats i do
but i am blunt (as you probely can tell)

[rock_show_host]

Originally Posted by JesusFreakGirl

And even the girls who are not old fashioned still long for men to do the asking. it is in thier impatient frustration that they step up and to it themselves. It is always preferable that the men do it.

Please don't claim to speak for your entire gender. I know plenty of girls (including my wife) who don't agree with this at all.

I was the one to ask my wife out. Not because I believed it was my Biblical duty or the only socially acceptable option, but because I wanted to date her and decided to do something about it. My wife has told me that she was actually planning to ask me out the same night I ended up asking her. Not because she was impatient and frustrated, but because she wanted to date me and had decided to do something about it. It's honestly that simple. She was thrilled that I asked her, and I would have been equally thrilled if she'd asked me.

To those who claim that it's inappropriate for a girl to do the asking, I wonder where exactly you draw the line. If women aren't supposed to take that kind of initiative or leadership in the relationship, are they at least allowed to show interest? Meaning, if a girl likes a guy but wants him to be the one to ask her out, do you think it would be okay for her to make it obvious to him that she wants to be asked, just to nudge him in the right direction (through flirting or similarly subtle means)?

If so, I honestly don't understand the difference. In the case I just described, the girl is still making an active offer, though less directly -- she's communicating to the guy that she likes him and will say yes to a date if asked. Just like a guy who asks a girl out is communicating that he likes her and will take her on a date if she says yes. Functionally, they're exactly the same. The only difference is the formality of who physically asks the question. At that point, all this fuss about the "initiator" sounds an awful lot like pretense to me.

That's my problem with the idea that guys are the only ones who can ask. Most of the time, it doesn't actually discourage girls from being proactive -- it just teaches them to be manipulative so that they don't parade their power out in the open. The only way to actually live by that idea the way it's preached is to say that a girl can't treat a boy she likes any differently than she would treat the man she just passed on the street. She is to do nothing but sit around blank-faced and wait for his proposal, because anything else would be an act of initiative and would be robbing the man of his rightful place. I think even the most old-fashioned men and women would largely agree that that's too extreme. But as far as I'm concerned, if you take this viewpoint to its logical conclusion, that extreme is exactly what they're claiming to support, whether or not they realize it.