Girl help... (not sure if this is in the right Post)

HairyScaryMark · 11-24-2010, 01:32 PM

I respectfully don't see it quite that way.

The OP is 15. This may or may not be too young to potentially start dating. I don't know and can't remember for sure how I thought of it when I was that age.
It may possibly be good to get some experience with women in one form or another (I don't necessarily mean just in terms of romance or whatever). I personally struggled to keep myself composed with the first few women I went out with. I remember having my arm or leg shaking for the first hour or so and struggling to put words together beyond a stutter, caused by nerves. This level of nerves probably completely freaked them out big time and is probably part of the reason why I never went out with any of them more a couple of times.

For the last number of years (more or less since leaving school) I have been one seriously smooth cat

I don't believe this would be the case, had I not went out with a number of girls and made a complete mess of it when I was younger. I am glad I made a mess of things when I was 15 and was probably was better off being single then - as supposed to when I am older and meet people who are more mature. I have friends who really struggle to speak to women at all in any setting, unless they've known them for ages.

A guy at my Church was told at his previous church that he couldn't date a non-Christian. This non-Christian that he has now dated for a number of years, goes to our church and takes part in worship and other groups. They are now engaged to get married.

I do however agree that you must share a similar set of values and priorities and these will include Christ in the longer term. You can never date anyone assuming they will come to see things the way you do. To get married would be quite a different matter but at 15, that isn't really much of a consideration.

Things to remember:
Be completely open and explain that you are a Christian and what it means to you from the start.
Have realistic expectations but don't put yourself down. There is a good chance it wont go well due to your own inexperience but there is a chance it might.
If things don't go well - it doesn't reflect on you personally, although you can learn from it.
Most women you are likely to go out with are completely nuts, although not all are.
There are many good things about being single. It's only bad if you let it annoy you.
You will regret having sex if you do - so don't do it. I've only ever went out with one women who didn't respect me standing up for this. I've been offered it on a number of occasions and have always been glad I declined (as is my girlfriend when she has previously been offered/pressured by other guys)

When I first started going out with my current girlfriend, she told me she didn't wish to have sex and thought I wouldn't pressure her and that was one reason she felt comfortable with me. I know many would say I shouldn't date her because she is not a Christian but I personally don't see things that way at this current stage in my life.
I once went out with a girl who said she was a Christian and she even got baptised. That however did end really terrible. Another girl I went out with claimed to basically believe and suggested she wanted to know God but kept putting it off. That was probably my most successful relationship, apart from this one.

Sharing a similar perspective and set of values is important but I don't think it necessarily has to be as straight to the point as them having to be a Christian - when you're 15 and you're looking at getting to know the opposite sex better. If they are freaked out by you being a Christian and don't seem to understand or respect what that means to you - it's time to cut your losses.

Also remember that you never really miss out on good opportunities with these things. If you really are people who get on well, you should be able to continue to get to know each other as friends and things may take a certain course at a later date.

AHHH!! · 11-24-2010, 11:27 PM

ok that sounded a bit harsh but probably true.... i mean i do only want to date christians and thats the main reason im getting her to youth and she got really sad when her ex told everyone they did "stuff" so im pretty sure she's not like that but another BIG problem is that we might be moving ot nz and its my choice whether we do or not so i have two big problems....

whether to go to nz or not annd....

if i dont go whether i should ask her out or not

another reason i dont want to go to nz is that i would really miss some of my friends but im still not sure want i want to do.

and thanks to hairyscareymark for not being so harsh becasue i sorta thought like u becasue i know a fair bit of "christians" that show less christianity than some non-christians and about the girl i like i asked her and she is neutral about her beliefs but im hoping that she will have some free sundays to come to youth

AHHH!! · 11-25-2010, 12:03 AM

just remembered shouldi tell her i might be moving to nz??

HairyScaryMark · 11-25-2010, 10:56 AM

Moving as in permanently? Definitely yes.

If you're going there for 5 weeks only, then I think it's not a big deal (although I'm sure it may seem like it at time). You could mention this but I'd wait till you've met up with her (just her) at least once because I notice people have a habit of'putting things off if you give them reason to. It's something that could potentially come up in conversation at some point.

Women tend to like to believe there is a degree of 'spontaneity' in things, even to the point of some fairly wreckless and irresponsible behaviour (which I'm not suggesting you take part in). Thinking out every little detail like that is going to make the whole thing seem 'un-natural' - which is the worst thing for it to appear, in the eyes of many people..

Ethan.Bassist. · 11-25-2010, 01:15 PM

Hmm. I disagree...I think. IMO, you SHOULD think out every detail and be completely open about this whole NZ thing. I'd rather make the right decision and seem a little unnatural than eff things up because I didn't completely think it through.

Religion issues aside, if she has an interest in you, you NEED to tell her ASAP once you know for sure so that you can move from there. ...If she doesn't have an interest in you, then roll your dice somewhere else

And this is going to sound harsh and inhuman. But you're 15. A chance to live in New Zealand sounds like a pretty sweet adventure. Don't let a girl keep you from going. As far as I know, there are girls in NZ. In fact, there are a few on here.

I don't want to keep grinding your face into the pavement saying what others have inevitably already told you, BUT, the chances that you will marry the first girl you date is super slim. Yeah, it's good to have marriage in mind, but two options are always there: Marry or break up. Once you start dating, it's not like marriage becomes the only option.

I made a vow to myself that I wasn't going to let a girl stop me or distract me from achieving my educational goals. This is my future and a relationship isn't the most important thing right now. Call it selfish. I don't think it is. Not in the dating stage of things. I'm looking at going to Connecticut. 3000 miles away. If I meet a girl here (Oregon) that's fine. But she HAS to be fine with me going.

I'm not in your shoes, but I say GO!

Go to New Zealand!!! It may suck at first, but you'll make friends!

and besides...Facebook!

Godspeed my friend

AHHH!! · 11-27-2010, 11:27 PM

lol ok where to start.. well i know nz is mad!!! i used to live there when i was a kid and i go their regularlyish and i also know that marriage isnt the only option but i dont know ill c how thigns go in nz since im there for 5 weeks ill sorta've get an idea of wat i want to do...

but if u've seen the hungry thirsty add.... YouTube - Oak kills hungrythirsty dead .... yeah its like im in the middle and i know the video doesnt really have anyhting to do with it but i thought i'd show u the video while i could..
anyway off track um yeah but i guess ill just c how things go in nz and soon in a couple i mean just around 8 weeks away i might be able to tell u what i've done and finnaly made my mind up with

AHHH!! · 11-27-2010, 11:29 PM

oh and btw i told her... and yeah..

Ethan.Bassist. · 11-28-2010, 02:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AHHH!!

lol ok where to start.. well i know nz is mad!!! i used to live there when i was a kid and i go their regularlyish and i also know that marriage isnt the only option but i dont know ill c how thigns go in nz since im there for 5 weeks ill sorta've get an idea of wat i want to do...

but if u've seen the hungry thirsty add.... YouTube - Oak kills hungrythirsty dead .... yeah its like im in the middle and i know the video doesnt really have anyhting to do with it but i thought i'd show u the video while i could..
anyway off track um yeah but i guess ill just c how things go in nz and soon in a couple i mean just around 8 weeks away i might be able to tell u what i've done and finnaly made my mind up with

Quote:

Originally Posted by AHHH!!

oh and btw i told her... and yeah..

Hahahaha! I loved that video! Is it for Chocolate milk?

But that's good that you aren't making any rushed decisions.

And what did you tell her/how did you tell her and what did she say? Like how did she take it? ...If you don't mind me asking.

AHHH!! · 11-29-2010, 09:00 PM

yeah its for chocolate milk =P

umm well i just told her on fb and she took it ok, after she told me how she had to chose to move to potsville (where she lives at the moment) or somewhere 3 hours away but she chose potsville because she'd be closer to her friends and she was like its ur choice and stuff like that...

but yeah was fb a good or bad way to tell her??

Ethan.Bassist. · 12-03-2010, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AHHH!!

yeah its for chocolate milk =P

umm well i just told her on fb and she took it ok, after she told me how she had to chose to move to potsville (where she lives at the moment) or somewhere 3 hours away but she chose potsville because she'd be closer to her friends and she was like its ur choice and stuff like that...

but yeah was fb a good or bad way to tell her??

Well. Here's how I see it: In Person > On the Phone > Facebook > Texting > Not at all.

I'm glad you didn't text her. I'd have gotten together in person, but hey, Facebook isn't the worst choice

I've told myself that I will make texting a very minimal part of my next relationship, I've found it leads to way too much useless confusion. I'm going to keep non-face-to-face comm. mostly limited to talking on the phone and facebook messages.

So to answer your question: Yes, Facebook is acceptable in this situation IMO.

Hope all is well!

AHHH!! · 12-03-2010, 11:54 PM

yeah im starting to think that she likes me

so hope im right. yeah i just wanted to tell her about nz as soon as possible so thats y i told her on fb. I wouldnt tell her by text i do have some standards haha

AHHH!! · 12-13-2010, 02:45 PM

well. i think u can close down this post now because i just found out that after all the signs that she's given me that she likes some other guy and he likes her.

so yeah i guess thanks all for the advice and thoughts ill remember them and umm yeah i wont be asking her out anymore considering its gonna be a no so yeah cya guys =D

and thanks for u help.

Ethan.Bassist. · 12-13-2010, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AHHH!!

well. i think u can close down this post now because i just found out that after all the signs that she's given me that she likes some other guy and he likes her.

so yeah i guess thanks all for the advice and thoughts ill remember them and umm yeah i wont be asking her out anymore considering its gonna be a no so yeah cya guys =D

and thanks for u help.

Aww, sorry man, that sucks.

I hate when that kind of thing happens. "Boys speak in rhythm and girls just lie" (Anberlin)

You aren't leaving us are you?! Stick around! It's fun here!

AHHH!! · 12-14-2010, 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ethan.Bassist.

Aww, sorry man, that sucks.

I hate when that kind of thing happens. "Boys speak in rhythm and girls just lie" (Anberlin)

You aren't leaving us are you?! Stick around! It's fun here!

haha yeah i know its dun im not leaving this website just this post because yeah well that was the point of this post now its gone..

and yeah =D i dont get the song quote haha xD