[*]

Originally Posted by jthomas1600

So here's some questions. At what point in your dating life did you start to feel comfortable talking with your parents about how things were going? If you always felt comfortable talking to your parents what do you think they did or said that made it easy? If you hated talking to your parents about it, why do you think that was? Is it pretty accurate to say girls would rather talk to mom and boys would rather talk to dad? How many of you feel your parents understand what dating is like today? How much involvement do you think parents should have in this area of their kids lives when the kids are still at home and in high school?

Thanks. I'm just trying to better understand how I can be a help to my kids.

I've always been particularly introverted, so my parents knew very little of any form of romance I began to have. As they paid the cell phone bill, however, they took note of constant phone calls and whatnot and discovered several things on their own. I'm sure they always attempted to keep my safety their priority, but for the most part, I lived my life how I pleased, and they quietly tried to figure out what was occurring without approaching me often or making it known that they were snooping. I developed resentment and a lack of trust and only took further measures to ensure my privacy.

In time (and with opportunities that were not long distance), I began to introduce them to the idea of this guy or another, took steps to secure a brief meeting, gave some notice of the potential for a relationship. Fortunately for them, no one ever stuck around long enough for anything to truly come of it. Guys would drop by the house to spend time with me or take me out somewhere, and it became public and accepted, but again, nothing serious occurred for some time.

With my current relationship, things are quite different. Being out of the house, I have the freedom to do as I please without interference. Then again, my parents seemed to really step back and have a relaxed attitude about everything as I became older anyway. My current boyfriend is understood to be part of the family (immediate and extended), and my relationship with his family is similar. Admittedly, it is much, much more pleasant that way.

I still don't feel particularly comfortable talking to my parents in depth about my romantic life at all. Most information I give is on a need to know basis. Moreover, they don't seem to give a damn about much of it anyway. My dad seems as though he would like to remain ignorant of any details he may not like to hear. My mom seems only to care whether or not I am having sex, but refuses to confront me directly on the issue. Seeing as how my parents are divorced, I've refrained from approaching them for advice on keeping a successful relationship intact.

Incidentally, I feel as though my dad is more willing to listen to me about anything in general than my mom is. I am also more comfortable communicating with males. So while I keep my personal life to myself and rarely, if ever, discuss problems with him, I do occasionally talk to him about various unrelated things.

My parents are probably quite familiar with dating today, as each of them had to reenter that scene several years ago. Both met their new partners online.

As for parental involvement... That's difficult to say. Actually, I'm inclined to think that it depends entirely on the individual child. What may be appropriate for one child will not work for another. Some desire more involvement, others want less. And to be quite blunt, some need more involvement.