[Rainer.]

This question presumes that it's possible for more than one girl to be interested in going on a date with me at any one point of time in my life.

Nope, haven't run into that issue yet.





On a slightly serious note, I wouldn't ever consider dating more than one girl at once. It seems like common decency to me.

[thesteve]

Originally Posted by Ethan.Bassist.

Yes sir, I did. It was very good, poor Andy though...

I just bring it up because what you're describing sounds like what Michael goes through in that episode (not the hirpees [sic] part). Sometimes people (I know I'm one of them) want to read into commitment in a relationship when there isn't any. What you perceive as "we're dating" she might have perceived as "I'm going on dates". I think when you asked her to be your girlfriend and she said she wasn't ready was probably your first red flag. At the asking of that question, she is now expecting that until you ask that question again the two of you are not an official couple.

[Ethan.Bassist.]

Originally Posted by Rainer.

This question presumes that it's possible for more than one girl to be interested in going on a date with me at any one point of time in my life.

Nope, haven't run into that issue yet.





On a slightly serious note, I wouldn't ever consider dating more than one girl at once. It seems like common decency to me.

Haha, I do realize now that it is a little narcissistic of me to think so casually that going out with multiple women is even an option! lol, because I have the same problem my friend. And yeah, common decency it is.

Originally Posted by thesteve

I just bring it up because what you're describing sounds like what Michael goes through in that episode (not the hirpees [sic] part). Sometimes people (I know I'm one of them) want to read into commitment in a relationship when there isn't any. What you perceive as "we're dating" she might have perceived as "I'm going on dates". I think when you asked her to be your girlfriend and she said she wasn't ready was probably your first red flag. At the asking of that question, she is now expecting that until you ask that question again the two of you are not an official couple.

Yeah, you're totally right. I don't really date a lot. Ever really. I've dated 3 girls over the past 4 years of my life lasting anywhere from 3 months to a year. So when I date someone, I must get really attached really quick which is fine (to an extent) if the girl I'm seeing has about the same track record. But in the most recent case, she's dated a lot of guys. So I think it just takes a lot longer.
And again, things I should've picked up on. If only 'red flags' were literally Red Flags.

EDIT: And i kind of want to point out that yeah, we went on dates but it wasn't like we went on one or two dates a week and talked a little the other days. It was like we went out of the occasional date (at least after the first few) but we just hung out almost every day. Watching movies/tv or doing fun stuff or whatever. So yeah, I almost feel like I had good reason to feel as committed as I did. But whatever, I've been wrong before lol.

[OiBoyz]

I am assuming that we are talking about dating, as in not being sexually active together. Whether or not to be exclusive, if you're still in the hanging out, going to see a movie, but haven't gotten physical at all, then I guess there's no reason you have to be exclusive. But once you've moved to the holding hands, hugging, kissing part it really should be exclusive. Speaking for myself, if I accepted a date, it would be exclusive.

But I think the most important thing is to communicate what each other's expectations are. And to keep checking in with each other to see where the relationship is headed.

[Ethan.Bassist.]

Originally Posted by OiBoyz

I am assuming that we are talking about dating, as in not being sexually active together. Whether or not to be exclusive, if you're still in the hanging out, going to see a movie, but haven't gotten physical at all, then I guess there's no reason you have to be exclusive. But once you've moved to the holding hands, hugging, kissing part it really should be exclusive. Speaking for myself, if I accepted a date, it would be exclusive.

But I think the most important thing is to communicate what each other's expectations are. And to keep checking in with each other to see where the relationship is headed.

Right. Not sexually active, but physically (I'm definitely waiting, a. Because the bible says and b. Because it complicates the...heck...out of things). Kissing (she is my first kiss actually. I have to say, kissing is fun. Not sure why I waited 20 years. But at the same time, knowing what I know now, I could've waited. You know what they say about hindsight though...), holding hands, etc. I really think we just have different views on dating, her and I. Views that don't mix well.

I am definitely going to communicate a lot more in the future. And if she doesn't communicate or isn't open to communication, that will be some kind of red flag I think. Because I don't want to go through what I went through early in the beginnings of this relationship...couldn't eat (literally. I probably lost 15 or so pounds...6.8kgs), nauseous much of the time, slept terribly, etc. So yeah, I've learned a lot. Thanks for the help essentially giving me insight on how to apply this newly received knowledge.

Thanks again everyone, I am loving the input.
Ethan.

[jthomas1600]

Not to derail the thread....in fact it's probably relevant in some way....Where do christian young people meet potential boyfriend/girlfriends these days? I ask because you mention (Ethan) that you have a pretty clear view of dating that includes waiting until marriage. Honestly that is a very uncommon view in the world, even amongst many who go to church. So if you meet a pretty girl with a nice smile and engaging personality at the gym....what are the odds she's going to share your views. Who would've thought I'd ever say this, but maybe there's some merit to this online meeting people thing. I believe these a few on here that have gone that route.

Boy, I sure am glad all this is behind me. Both my wife and I have agreed to stay married if for no other reason than neither of us wants to have to enter the dating scene again

[Ethan.Bassist.]

Originally Posted by jthomas1600

Not to derail the thread....in fact it's probably relevant in some way....Where do christian young people meet potential boyfriend/girlfriends these days? I ask because you mention (Ethan) that you have a pretty clear view of dating that includes waiting until marriage. Honestly that is a very uncommon view in the world, even amongst many who go to church. So if you meet a pretty girl with a nice smile and engaging personality at the gym....what are the odds she's going to share your views. Who would've thought I'd ever say this, but maybe there's some merit to this online meeting people thing. I believe these a few on here that have gone that route.

Boy, I sure am glad all this is behind me. Both my wife and I have agreed to stay married if for no other reason than neither of us wants to have to enter the dating scene again

That's exactly what I'm wondering! lol. This last girl I met through mutual friends that thought we'd be great together (in another life in different circumstances we would've). The girl before that I met in high school (senior year at a Christian high school). And my church is small, so we don't have many single ladies ...we don't really have many ladies my age in general. I guess right now, I pretty much have to rely on God to give me someone that is good for me that shares my views. But you are right, it's not a popular view, waiting that is. It gets to the point where you don't think anyone believes that anymore, hopefully there's one that does.

I envy you, sir. I envy you greatly!

[SccHarpGirl]

Oh yeah, I've seen all types. Me personally, I tend to veer towards early exclusivity, but it's definitely a good thing to talk about to make sure you're on the same page. I definitely had a relationship at one time that sounded a little like yours...someone who I knew wasn't exclusive with me, although I hoped it might be. It lasted a couple months, and then it started to become apparent that he would *never* be exclusive with me, and at that point I cut my losses and moved on.

As for meeting people, I have had 0% success in meeting people through church. In fact, out of all relationships, the most destructive, and the people who treated me the worst, were those I met through church. I'm not suggesting this is typical at all and a lot of my friends have met spouses or serious significant others though church, but to me it's brought nothing but pain.

My healthiest, most stable relationships were people I met almost randomly (at a movie or a dance class). So I don't know if there's one place to meet other young Christians...I think more than focusing on meeting other Christians, focus on meeting people with similar interests, likes, and hobbies. Who knows, you might just meet one of them who is a Christian too.

[Ethan.Bassist.]

Originally Posted by SccHarpGirl

Oh yeah, I've seen all types. Me personally, I tend to veer towards early exclusivity, but it's definitely a good thing to talk about to make sure you're on the same page. I definitely had a relationship at one time that sounded a little like yours...someone who I knew wasn't exclusive with me, although I hoped it might be. It lasted a couple months, and then it started to become apparent that he would *never* be exclusive with me, and at that point I cut my losses and moved on.

As for meeting people, I have had 0% success in meeting people through church. In fact, out of all relationships, the most destructive, and the people who treated me the worst, were those I met through church. I'm not suggesting this is typical at all and a lot of my friends have met spouses or serious significant others though church, but to me it's brought nothing but pain.

My healthiest, most stable relationships were people I met almost randomly (at a movie or a dance class). So I don't know if there's one place to meet other young Christians...I think more than focusing on meeting other Christians, focus on meeting people with similar interests, likes, and hobbies. Who knows, you might just meet one of them who is a Christian too.

Yeah, I'm the same way and I could probably deal with late exclusivity, but it just makes me uncomfortable. I think of it as an investment, and at that point in mine, I had only invested 3 months of my time. I invested money and emotion too, but not to the point of no return. So I, like you, cut my losses.

Interesting. That's too bad. You would think the opposite would happen, but I guess not. Still keeping my eyes peeled though!

That's probably one of my problems is that I'm terrible at meeting people, let alone a girl who I think is pretty. It always just takes me a while to warm up to someone (and vice versa I'm sure). Maybe I should go clubbing lol...

[ethan_hanus]

Originally Posted by Ethan.Bassist.

Yeah, I'm the same way and I could probably deal with late exclusivity, but it just makes me uncomfortable. I think of it as an investment, and at that point in mine, I had only invested 3 months of my time. I invested money and emotion too, but not to the point of no return. So I, like you, cut my losses.

Interesting. That's too bad. You would think the opposite would happen, but I guess not. Still keeping my eyes peeled though!

That's probably one of my problems is that I'm terrible at meeting people, let alone a girl who I think is pretty. It always just takes me a while to warm up to someone (and vice versa I'm sure). Maybe I should go clubbing lol...

That's creepy, you have my same name, and you even kinda look like me, just a different beard style.

Don't go clubbing, it's typically a good way to get into a lot of trouble. Just. live your life and trust that God will show you the one. The key is to see and act on the sign he gives you when he shows you. Sure, it's hard, but I'm certain there are other things in your life that you should be more focused on at the moment. For me it's school, and getting a job. If I happen to meet the one doing my own thing, then so be it, if I don't, then at least I'll be doing what I love. Fixing up old muscle cars.

[Ethan.Bassist.]

Originally Posted by ethan_hanus

That's creepy, you have my same name, and you even kinda look like me, just a different beard style.

Don't go clubbing, it's typically a good way to get into a lot of trouble. Just. live your life and trust that God will show you the one. The key is to see and act on the sign he gives you when he shows you. Sure, it's hard, but I'm certain there are other things in your life that you should be more focused on at the moment. For me it's school, and getting a job. If I happen to meet the one doing my own thing, then so be it, if I don't, then at least I'll be doing what I love. Fixing up old muscle cars.

Bahahaha! Yeah, I've seen you on recently and every time I see it, I'm like 'whoa.' I don't know what your beard style is, but currently, I just have a beard on the chin. Not the full beard like in my pic.

Haha, yeah I was kidding about the clubbing...def not my thing. Not into bumping and grinding. Or drunk women. The list goes on. haha
I'm definitely having to learn to trust God right now that he'll just land someone in my lap (figuratively... though I suppose literally wouldn't be the worst thing ever ) I'm just trying to live life, thinking about moving to Connecticut, so there's a lot on my plate already. It'll happen though sometime. I'll find someone!