[tlj009]

I realize that clearly, there's some problem with him to make him do this. Maybe it's the lack of sex life, but I'm willing to bet it's at least partially due to the stress he's been under both financially and due to his health issues/my mom's health issues. Maybe he is depressed and this is his way of coping with it.

Whatever the reasons are, he needs to work on them. For that reason, I think that professional help is probably necessary.

So now I'm left with this: do I tell my mom? Do I just confront my dad? Doing nothing is not an option, because this is making me sick to my stomach and I can't take keeping this information inside. I don't feel it's right to confront my dad but not tell my mom.

Your mom definitely needs to be told. But I think that you should confront your dad first and see if he will get some help. Either he can tell your mom, you can tell your mom, or a professional can give a recommendation. But sooner rather than later, your mom will need to be told. She is the one being affected the most. But I do think that you should confront your dad first and then make a decision about what to do next. And if your decision is that your dad should tell your mom, then a timeline will also be a good idea, as Bill suggested.

So an update:

Tonight I told my mom about all of the porn-related spyware that I found on the computer while scanning it. She basically asked my dad if he had visited the sites--she was furious at the thought of him even doing that, which proves to me there is no way she knows about things. He denied it. I then told him "somebody went on those sites, and it is a wonder that those pictures never came up while the grandkids were on the computer. One accidental click and they could see something they never should see. It's necessary to be careful on there." I basically was trying to send a message to him without letting anything slip. My dad's been quiet since then. I think it's becoming obvious to him based on my behavior over the past day as well as this talk that I know.

Tomorrow I plan on telling my dad that I know what he's been doing on the computer, and that he can deny it all he wants, but I know the truth. I am going to tell him to come clean to my mom about this, and if he won't, I will tell her and show her everything, and I won't be kind about it (I will just tell her I found the ads and emails, and it sounds like he is having casual encounters, but I do not have proof that he's actually following through with things). It's possible that things will be salvageable for them--I truly hope that forgiveness and healing takes place, and that my dad realizes he should not be doing these things and ceases the behavior. Otherwise, things will get ugly and sides will be picked.

As for me, since I opened this discussion with my mom tonight, I feel relieved to an extent, but I know it's far from over and that, based on her reaction to him just viewing porn, she's going to be really, really furious when she finds out about the encounters. Please keep praying for the situation and I'd still appreciate whatever advice I get.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Any word on how you or the situation is going?