I need prayer, satan is trying to speak into my life

08-14-2010, 05:50 PM

this is gonna sound kinda silly at first, but bear with me, I really need advice and prayer, and this is throwing my life in shambles right now.
basically, satan (or my demented mind) is trying to tell me i'm gay. i was sitting at my desk working one day this summer, back in june, and thought popped into my head "what if i was gay?" i must have entertained said thought for a second, and it's crept into my life. i can't forget about it! this came completely out of nowhere, i've never had any attraction to guys, i've never had any part of me that would indicate or lead to any state or thought of being gay. zip, zilch, absolutely nada! yet somehow, this has been consuming my mind for the entire summer! i have a desk job, so i sit and try to concentrate all day on the math-related stuff i'm supposed to do, and i can't, cause all my mind is completely with occupied with analyzing every aspect of the thought process and even actively trying to forget it. i am generally a very very overanalytical person , so i start thinking "well, what if i actually was?" or "if i was, would i be attracted to this person", not in conscious way, but these thoughts constantly are subconsciously zipping through my everyday thought process, morning to evening. how the @#$% do i forget something like this?!?!? it's ruining my life and i can't ever stop remembering it for more than like 5 mins at a time??!?! i know deep in my heart who god has made me to be, and i know in my very deepest innermost being that this is not a struggle against being gay, that i still have absolutely no reason to subciousnly ponder this, but that knowledge can't seem to make it to the surface. i know who i am in christ, but i feel like i am constantly living in fear of the possibility of having gay thoughts, however much i much i know i'm not that way and it's totaally wrong. pleeze help me, pray for me!! pardon me, but how the hell am i supposed to forget this? i wanna get back to livng my life with passion and grace, not paralized w/ fear. u have no idea how much this sucks...

OiBoyz · 08-14-2010, 06:01 PM

You need to take authority of your mind and thoughts. When thoughts you don't want to think come up, give your mind somewhere else to go.

Quote:

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.Phil. 4:8

Even if you need to keep a list of alternate things to think about. Obviously thinking "don't think about being gay" isn't going to work. If you need to, physically move your body from where you are and go do something else.

08-14-2010, 06:06 PM

but i'm so overanalytical that often something specific like a list of other things to think about, is just gunna remind me of what i'm suppossed to NOT think about!

trust mee, i've been dealing with this for like 2 months now

OiBoyz · 08-14-2010, 07:00 PM

Ok then.

ICTHUS · 08-14-2010, 08:00 PM

Don't worry about it so much. It's not Satan, and you're not demented. You might just be gay.

With that said, what you choose to do with your sexual orientation will then have to be dealt with. I don't know if I could hold on to the shamble of faith I still have if I was homosexual and had to choose either being in 'sin' and being shunned by most conservative Christians, or denying my sexual orientation and being celibate, and I don't envy your choice. Good luck with it, whatever choice you make.

The fact that you're choosing to post anonymously and under the moniker "living in fear" is a terrible shame, and speaks to the awful persecution of homosexual people by Christian culture. For this, I apologize, as much as I can be said to represent that culture.

Quote:

i wanna get back to livng my life with passion and grace

I've known a number of homosexual individuals who were both passionate about life and graceful in how they conducted themselves.

Stop enslaving yourself to ridiculous homophobia and worry. Please. For your own good.

Feel free to email me through CGR, or you can skype or AIM me at the addresses in my profile.

zedman · 08-14-2010, 08:32 PM

There is however nowhere near enough info to say that he is gay or not.
It could just be a temptation or thought that pops into his head for any number of reasons--we don't know.

Either way--prayer is needed for sure, and spending time in the Word to fill your mind with proper thoughts.

We all get temptations and improper thoughts at times--we're human after all--but different people get different thoughts and temptations.

They all need prayer and time in the Word.

Also someone you can trust could be a good resource.

ICTHUS · 08-14-2010, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedman

There is however nowhere near enough info to say that he is gay or not.

This.

What I wouldn't do, though, is go out and try to woo a woman just to convince yourself you aren't gay. This ~~could~~ will end badly for you and for her. Not saying you'd ever do this, necessarily, but it's something that came to mind.

dailybeans · 08-14-2010, 08:38 PM

I find that when I'm being tempted or lied to in my thoughts, I start to pray for someone that I'm believing for to get saved. Instead of dwelling on the lie, the truth and grace of Jesus comes to the forefront of my mind, and I see the devil for the pipsqueak he really is!
The same power that conquered the grave lives in me!
///Live Victoriously\\\

**Josey Wales** · 08-15-2010, 04:15 PM

man you are really thinking about it to much. i understand your thought process i am similar, like one thought pops in and i almost become a hypochandriac about it, and make it happen. but then stuff goes away. i could be satan tempting and pulling you away from christ, he can do that with almost anything, or it could just be your mind. but just concentrate on christ go to church talk to a leader or someone you trust, trying to just get a chick is wrong, and not worth your trouble. i'll deff pray that those thought leave your mind, and hopefully it will work out.

08-15-2010, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ICTHUS

Don't worry about it so much. It's not Satan, and you're not demented. You might just be gay.

With that said, what you choose to do with your sexual orientation will then have to be dealt with. I don't know if I could hold on to the shamble of faith I still have if I was homosexual and had to choose either being in 'sin' and being shunned by most conservative Christians, or denying my sexual orientation and being celibate, and I don't envy your choice. Good luck with it, whatever choice you make.

The fact that you're choosing to post anonymously and under the moniker "living in fear" is a terrible shame, and speaks to the awful persecution of homosexual people by Christian culture. For this, I apologize, as much as I can be said to represent that culture.

I've known a number of homosexual individuals who were both passionate about life and graceful in how they conducted themselves.

Stop enslaving yourself to ridiculous homophobia and worry. Please. For your own good.

Feel free to email me through CGR, or you can skype or AIM me at the addresses in my profile.

wow, i thought i'd make it prety clear that i am not in any way, shape, or leaning, gay at all. whatever u might think, just forget about it. i know myself, and i'm not struggling to come to terms with being gay, so please just drop it. my mind works in strange ways, i'm very overanalytical, and i think about things tooo much. i guess maybe my time with god hasn't been goood for the last while, and i'm kinda just generally living in a state of fear and distance from god. not good. i guess the devil knows when to hit you best, right?... i need a way to stop dwelling on this, cause i know it's completely untruue. it's like it's always there, i can't stop thinking about it while i go about my daily routine. why?! there's no evidence, feeling, sexual excitement, or anything that would make a logical person think i'm not straight. to think it all happened from one thought i couldn't forget...

Ax · 08-15-2010, 09:00 PM

You need to see a therapist. I'm not saying that lightly either. If it really is ruining your life, then you should go see a therapist. I'm not trying to diagnose you, but from somebody who's lived around many many people with Anxiety Disorder, I'd say you're experiencing something very similar.

Ordinary Sarah · 08-15-2010, 10:37 PM

Praying for you. Just a suggestion, but are you in the Word and studying what God has to say about this issue? People are going to tell you a whole lot of different things and try to tell you what to think and do, but you need to seek the Lord on this above everything else. "But put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill it's lusts" Romans 13:14

In order to counteract the ideas and desires that ultimately come from our flesh, regardless of whether or not Satan uses those to tempt us, as the writer of Hebrews says, we need to arm ourselves with the Word of God and put on our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! : )

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 08-16-2010, 09:25 AM

I am going to suggest doing two things.

1) Get professional help. The obsessing over an idea sounds a little dangerous to me regardless of the idea. It sounds like it is interfering with your life.
2)Realize you are not alone or a pariah. John Bunyan is remembered as the author of Pilgrim's Progress and other works and a great preacher, imprisoned for his faith. However, his autobiography Bunyan struggled with the overwhelming compulsion to "sell Christ." It is mentioned in his autobiography, grace abounding to the chief of sinners. (You can get it for free off of ccel if you are interested.)
3) Just reading the Bible might help, might not. It isn't a panacea.
4) Have you ever had any sort of issues with compulsive behavior in the past? I ask because this doesn't sound entirely new to you. In other words, you seem much calmer than I would be in your situation.

tlj009 · 08-16-2010, 10:35 AM

I agree with most of what has been said. Bill has some good suggestions.

I think that it may be helpful to try a little exercise. Try denying your impulses for a month or so. If you walk in a store and want to buy something, just refuse to do it and walk out. If you get hungry, just don't eat for a couple of hours for no other reason than to prove to yourself that you can. Or fast for a full day. If you want to get on the internet, then force yourself not to for a day or two. In other words, practice controlling every aspect of your life. If you want to sit down, then get up and walk a mile. Test yourself to see where your desires lie in the way of physical things and learn to control your impulses for those things.

In the mean time, read the Bible, sing praises to yourself, listen to books on tape while you work, etc. I find books on tape to be a rather big distraction. If it distracts me enough to affect my work (which is the reason I don't do it at work anymore), then I suspect that it will distract you from your thoughts.