[Sean]

I'm going to respond to each question separately because they're separate issues.

Originally Posted by scared2mosh

I have played almost every Sunday for the last 4 years in either the middle school or Highschool group (usually HS). We have a few really really talented people on the worship team and when we play together it is fantastic. However, there are a few people that they schedule to play sometimes that have little or no skill and think they are amazing. When these kids play practice take 2-3x as long and it sounds awful... I have missed the main service on Sunday mornings at least a dozen times in the last year because of this. Then towards the end of last semester I was just waaayyyy too busy and frustrated so I started declining weekly invitations to play. Now they wont schedule me for the HS group at all... it's like they are punishing me and when I ask to play they want me to show up at 8am to practice for the MS group where I basically have to lead 5 incompetent musicians (on bass and not doing any vocals).

I've been apart of leading worship in student ministries for nearly 10 years, but all my experience is on the after high school side. So I naturally sympathize with the leadership and assume the best of them. As I write things I'll be giving possible explanations for why people are doing things.


I'll respond to individual points in a moment, but first I have a question and a concern.

(1) What did the leader of the band say when you raised these concerns to him/her?

(2) It concerns me that all of your concerns seem to be focused on either you or sounding good. Besides wanting the band to sound good, your concerns aren't ministry focused they're you focused. And worship didn't seem to even come into the equation.

Originally Posted by scared2mosh

I have played almost every Sunday for the last 4 years in either the middle school or Highschool group (usually HS). We have a few really really talented people on the worship team and when we play together it is fantastic. However, there are a few people that they schedule to play sometimes that have little or no skill and think they are amazing. When these kids play practice take 2-3x as long and it sounds awful...

Are they younger students? Because young students are the future of the band...older students are not. Upper class men are gone in a year. If they don't start rotating in new, younger members then they have no band in a year.

Also, youth bands are often intended to inclusive ministries. They ultimate goal isn't just for the band to sound fantastic. Often the goal is to have students serving in ministry.

Then towards the end of last semester I was just waaayyyy too busy and frustrated so I started declining weekly invitations to play. Now they wont schedule me for the HS group at all... it's like they are punishing me

Did you talk to them about why you were declining invitations? If you didn't, of course, they're going to stop inviting you. Also, if you're emitting an "I'm frustrated' vibe at practice, they're probably not going to want you at practice.

Since you haven't mentioned talking to them, it's difficult to know why they're doing what they're doing.

[Sean]

I'm a student pastor. So I'll naturally be defensive for him and give him the benefit of the doubt.

Originally Posted by scared2mosh

My other issue is with the leadership of the group... our HS pastor tries way to hard to be everyone's bud instead of a leader. I mean he is 41 and he tries to dress and act like some cool like a college student.

Can you give an example of him being a bud instead of a leader?

Also if you don't go on all of the retreats and on a mission trip he seriously does not give a crap about you. Seriously.

No one goes into the ministry in order that they might have 15 favorites and 185 alienated teens. So it's really unlikely that he doesn't give a crap. The question is why are you getting that vibe from him.

No youth pastor can be relationally connected to 200 students. As a youth pastor, I have a really hard time feeling connected to students who don't go on retreats or mission trips. And students who don't go on mission trips, don't feel like they're as much a part of our group.

* A weekend retreat is equal to about 6 months of Sunday morning relational time.
* Mission trips gel groups because it's an example of the church on mission together. It's the church doing what it's supposed to do.
* Retreats & mission trips give the pastor shared memories with the people who were there (big stuff & more importantly little stuff)

A pastor with 200+ people will obviously be more connected to people who are at events which connect people.



ALSO, keep in mind that many pastors are actually introverts. They seem out-going because they're on stage, but off the stage they're actually very shy and have to work very hard to interact with people they don't know as well. I don't know if this is the case with this guy, but I know it's true with me.

Yet all the people that kiss his butt are in all the pictures in the bulletins and stuff. I mean... we have like 200 people in the HS group. why are there only the same 15 people in all of the picture/video promotions for events???

* People at the most things will be in the most pictures
* Youth pastors at churches with 200 teens don't typically create the bulletins and promotional materials for events

I've tried talking with him about some really serious stuff (certain struggles/ the fact that my family is losing our house/ a student I thought was suicidal(or worse)/ the general cliquish unfriendly atmosphere etc) and each time he promised to call me back but he didn't. He also regularly makes rude comments about homeschoolers.

Do you guys have some kind of small group ministry? Is there a large fleet of youth leaders? Are you in a small group?

One guy can't address all of the issues of 200 people. He can't pastor 200 people on any sort of in-depth level. He needs people helping him.

I really don't know what to do... there is a growing group of people who are getting angry for the same reasons. a lot of us have just stopped going to any events.

What did he say when you talked to him about your concerns?

In fact our big yearly event that usually has like 300+ only had like 110 this year. Still nobody will listen to us....

Who are you talking to?

I've considered going to the head pastor, but you honestly cant tell me he isn't aware of what's going on.

Why would he know?

I'm at a loss for waht to do. I've kept my mouth shut and prayed for the last year or so and I think it's time to take action, but I really dont know how.

If you've kept your mouth shut, of course nothing is going to get better.

But really you haven't kept your mouth shut. There's a group of disgruntled students who appear to be grumbling together.

Anyone have ideas on how to get these people's attention???

Talk to them....talk to them with more people.

[bread man]

Originally Posted by Sean

I wouldn't use the word "annoying," I'd use the word "hurtful." I haven't had it happen yet, but if I received an anonymous letter telling me...

* I'm a poser
* I don't care
* I ignore serious concerns

...it would leave me hurt and paranoid for months. The worst part is that I couldn't do anything to mend the wound because I wouldn't know who I'd hurt. Negative feedback is always hard, but when you can't do anything about it, it's really tough.

DON'T DO THAT TO HIM.

Yep, that's definitely a better way to put it.