[rock_show_host]

When my wife and I got married a couple weeks ago, we made the decision to combine our last names (hyphenated). Just because I'm curious, have any other couples here done this or know others who have? We certainly feel like the exception, but we've both known people to do it before.

[Rainer.]

My mom did something a little funny. She decided to just keep her last name when she married my dad, and gave all us kids her last name as our middle name.

[dogfood]

i have wondered about hyphenated names, mainly if all the gernerations keep them, then some kids are going to have very long surnames in the future.

[Giga Hertz]

Originally Posted by Rainer.

My mom did something a little funny. She decided to just keep her last name when she married my dad, and gave all us kids her last name as our middle name.

My friend's middle name is her mother's maiden name, but all her family is the same last name.

I don't think anyone I know has made the decision to keep their old name in some form or another.

[Rainer.]

I believe in Hispanic cultures, where children have both maternal and paternal surnames, generally, transmission of surname to the next generation is given to the original paternal surname. Generally, that is.

[beanbag]

i think i understand the structure of hispanic surnames pretty well thanks to an anthro class i took, but it's kind of an involved explanation with some charts and stuff. if anyone's interested, hit me up.

my mom dropped her middle name when she married my dad, and moved her maiden name to that spot. she signs everything with her full name, so: first maiden married.

my hope had been to one day earn my phd, which would've meant that i would keep my maiden name. that's looking less and less likely, but i might still keep my maiden name if i ever get to that point, or do what my mom does and sign things using maiden and married names.

i know many people with hyphenated last names, but i think that the exception with you guys (OP and wife) is that you both took the hyphenated name. most people i know with hyphenated names are women--their husbands keep their last names, and they (the wives, that is) take on a hyphenated name. other couples i know have kept their respective names and give their children hyphenated names.

i think a whole lot depends on the culture of origin, really.

[rock_show_host]

Originally Posted by beanbag

i know many people with hyphenated last names, but i think that the exception with you guys (OP and wife) is that you both took the hyphenated name. most people i know with hyphenated names are women--their husbands keep their last names, and they (the wives, that is) take on a hyphenated name. other couples i know have kept their respective names and give their children hyphenated names.

Yeah, I've seen this done a lot too. The bottom line for us was that whatever we did, we knew that we wanted to have the same last name. No judgment on couples with different names -- we just personally like what our shared name represents.

[Rach]

This thread and my posts therein explain why this hyphenating business seems very silly to me. Just my personal preference though.

By taking on her last name, you are, in essence, taking on her father's name. So, my question is, what purpose does that serve? Just curious.

[beanbag]

obviously i'm not the OP, but i'm going to throw some thoughts out there.

i read through the other thread, which said a lot about marriage being a partnership, man leaving his parents and cleaving to his wife, women submitting to their husbands, etc etc. now, i agree with all of those things. however, i was seeing a lot of one-sided partnership. if man leaves his parents and cleaves to his wife, why is it that only woman is identified as married? aside from a ring, there's no indication that a man is married or not unless he announces it to everyone he meets, or wears a tee shirt that says, "yay, i'm married!"

so, i guess my question is, how does a woman changing her last name reflect the marriage partnership equally?

before anyone gets mad at me or starts talking about submission (i am well aware of what the scriptures say about marriage, and they don't happen to say anything about last name changes as far as i can remember), please bear in mind that i am playing devil's advocate somewhat.

also, i could see a case for a woman keeping her father's name and even her husband choosing to reflect that name should he so desire. after all, many of us are blessed with terrific dads--they raise us and show us what to look for in a husband, and i don't think that getting married means that you're supposed to erase the 20-something or 30-something or 40-something (etc) years of your existence before you met your spouse. i was born into my father's family, and i will always be my parents' daughter. i will be my parents' daughter much, much longer than i will ever be my potential husband's wife, so why shouldn't i be able to reflect both relationships?

just sayin.

[Art]

My wife took on my last name, but never made it legal. It always kind of bugged me, but only because she expressed desire to take on my last name, and did so in every way except legally.

If I end up with that opportunity again, I would prefer she take on my last name, but I will not get hung up on it if she doesn't want to. I do not care for hyphens, but again, I would not get hung up on it. I understand cultural differences pretty well.

[ICTHUS]

Originally Posted by beanbag

i think i understand the structure of hispanic surnames pretty well thanks to an anthro class i took, but it's kind of an involved explanation with some charts and stuff. if anyone's interested, hit me up.

my mom dropped her middle name when she married my dad, and moved her maiden name to that spot. she signs everything with her full name, so: first maiden married.

my hope had been to one day earn my phd, which would've meant that i would keep my maiden name. that's looking less and less likely, but i might still keep my maiden name if i ever get to that point, or do what my mom does and sign things using maiden and married names.

i know many people with hyphenated last names, but i think that the exception with you guys (OP and wife) is that you both took the hyphenated name. most people i know with hyphenated names are women--their husbands keep their last names, and they (the wives, that is) take on a hyphenated name. other couples i know have kept their respective names and give their children hyphenated names.

i think a whole lot depends on the culture of origin, really.

Indeed. Some (a very few) tribal cultures, for instance, the Coast Salish peoples here on the Northwest Coast, reckon lineage through the mother.

[Jeffrey]

There's no Biblical injunction for a woman to change her name, is there? It's all cultural bias one way or the other.

[Ax]

Originally Posted by Jeffrey

There's no Biblical injunction for a woman to change her name, is there? It's all cultural bias one way or the other.

There weren't last names then.

[rock_show_host]

Originally Posted by Rach

By taking on her last name, you are, in essence, taking on her father's name. So, my question is, what purpose does that serve? Just curious.

In short, the exact same purpose that she served by taking on my father's name. Beanbag actually echoed our feelings pretty well. We didn't like to think of our marriage as simply the handing off of my wife from her father to me; Scripture indicates that both of us have left our families and cleaved to one another. At the same time, we both love our families deeply and recognize that our wedding was not a secession from our parents, but a testament to the love and wisdom with which they have raised us. We decided on the hyphenated name as a way to acknowledge our affection for both of our families and their role in shaping our identities, but also to represent our uniting together as a new family and identifying first and foremost with each other.

The new name is still an odd adjustment for both of us (we've only been married two weeks), and it'll probably require more explaining on my part since it's not culturally assumed that I would change my name. But honestly, I like that. It's a reminder that my wife and I have both entered into something new and unfamiliar (Paul himself calls it a "profound mystery"), yet at the same time wonderful and joyous.

It's also worth repeating what Jeffrey said; the practice of a woman taking on her husband's last name is rooted in culture and tradition, not the Bible. Obviously, that doesn't make it wrong, but it certainly doesn't mandate it.

Again, I don't want this to turn into a debate. It's an enormously personal matter, and I'm not out to judge those who feel differently about this than we do. I'm glad we've been able to have a civil discussion so far.

[Rach]

I started to type something, then realized I wasn't saying what I wanted to as eloquently as Donny said in that same thread I linked to, so I am just going to quote him because he expressed my thoughts exactly.

Originally Posted by +Donny

Your last name came from your parents, because you are in their household. Your first name is chosen by your parents because they have authority over you (just as God named Adam, Adam named Eve, man named creation, God renamed Abram to Abraham, etc.). As a husband, I would find it just as offensive for my wife to want to keep her last name as I would if my child wanted to change their first/last name. Names have meaning and purpose, they express the authority structure God has layed down for us. A wife wanting to keep her last name, or change her husband's name to hers is, albeit most likely unintentionally, rejecting her husband's authority over her and declaring that she is not entering his household, but that he is entering hers, or that they are, as equals in regards to authority, making a new household together.



*edit* I didn't mean to say that those who are expressing a desire to change their husband's name or combine the two names are actually intentionally rejecting the authority of their husband. I am just saying that they are not fully grasping the meaning and connotation of names. We get our customs from somewhere, and, in this case, our customs surrounding naming are entirely biblical.

What are your (and other's) thoughts in regards to what he said here?


And yes, I like civil discussions. Hence why I avoid Theo like the plague.