[zedman]

Sin is sin--it isn't less serious because you plan to marry.

But if you are truly a believer--it is forgiven, yet we ought not to presume upon God.

Waiting is worth it.

And I agree on getting pre-Marital counselling from your pastor, etc.

Lots of good advice in this thread.

[WorshipJesus]

Originally Posted by PaulGreatness

Hi, everybody...I'm very much aware of how grave Pre-marital sex is, and I have already commited it. I'd like some insight - my girlfriend and I are Christians and yet we succumbed to temptation.

I have to be honest, we liked the sex so much that the happiness of having done so is slightly greater than our regret. Deep down, I do regret it, and so does she, so here are my questions:

1. Will we be forgiven eventually once regret and repentance exceeds the pleasure we had? Because as of now, for me, my happiness is still a little greater than regret, but I very much regret it - In fact I am torn between the pleasure of doing it again and the desire to respect marriage sanctity and avoid it until marriage/

2. My GF and I intend to marry. Nothing is certain, but so I can know, if we truly do get married in the future, does that make our sin any less grave than others? Is there any difference, if at all , in gravity and forgivability between:
a.) People who had sex before marriage ONLY with one person, repented and abstained until marriage, and eventually got married with that person and stayed faithful to God and each other
b.) People who had sex before marriage one or more persons, and eventually got married with one of those persons and stayed faithful to God and each other
c.) People who had sex before marriage but never got married at all

A small argument I read about the first case being OK is about Adam and Eve, who didn't really have our 20th century marriage ceremonies and certificate, yet had sinless sex as a loving couple. If we had sex before marriage, with the intention to marry each other eventually, (but never do it again until marriage) does that make a difference?

I have some advice.. bear with me though.. i'm kind of scatter-brained tonight.

1. Don't be alone with each other until you are married.. ever. You are just throwing yourself under the bus of sexual temptation. Stick with friends or even your parents.

2. If you are really planning on getting married, start planning. Don't just say you are. 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am [single]; but if they cannot exercise [sexual] self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (NKJV) (emphasis added). Why is it better to marry than to burn with passion? Because Jesus said in Matthew 5 that looking with lust is adultery in the heart, and Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 that those who practice fornication will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. I am not saying you aren't saved if you have slept with your girlfriend, but I am saying you should check your walk with God if you can't control yourself.

3. If you aren't sure you are going to get married, then you need to figure that out soon because leaving yourself in that temptation is not a wise thing to do.. especially since you know sex before marriage is wrong.

Honestly, you two should be thinking about marriage if you really want to be together, but don't get married just so you can have sex because that may be all your relationship is all about. That is not a good place to be since there won't be much of a foundation of friendship (if there's that foundation at all). Sex is great.. no, sorry, it's amazing! God created it to be amazing. If you two really love each other, there's no reason (except for being able to take care of and support her) for you two to not get married. My wife and i got married young (i was 20 and she was 19), and we are happily married for over 13 months now =)

So, i'll end with this.. either don't be alone together or get married soon. Here's a little saying to maybe help you resist temptation and get on the right track. God bless you guys and I hope things work out for the best =)

If you want to find a girl,
Don't look for her; she'll come
For she is God's and He is her's
Until your wedding song

[zedman]

Originally Posted by WorshipJesus

1. Don't be alone with each other until you are married.. ever. You are just throwing yourself under the bus of sexual temptation. Stick with friends or even your parents.

Good advice.

As for the example above about Adam & Eve--I have to agree with those who say they were married.

Jesus used Adam & Eve as an example of marriage--so that settles it in my mind. (Mark 10:6-9)

[crazymoose]

^Exactly. Adam and Eve may not technically have had a marriage ceremony, but their relationship was hugely different than yours because of one factor: They were committed to each other. Adam and Eve weren't married, but they also weren't just "probably" going to stay together. They were staying together. You're not saying that you're going to marry her, you're saying you're probably going to marry her. That's the same as a married man having sex with his wife and then saying "yeah, there's a good chance I'll stay with her, but it's not certain yet". There's nothing magical about the marriage ceremony in and of itself, it's the lifelong commitment that's key.
I would say that a lot of married couples in our society are sinning by having sex. Why? Because divorce is no longer viewed negatively. People think that as soon as a problem comes up they can just get a divorce. If you're not truly committed to work things out and stay with your wife for the rest of your life, then I don't think your marriage is legitimate and I don't think sex is unsinful between you and your "wife". So many people nowadays may only have sex with their "wife" but they get married and divorced to a bunch of women. Some marriages do need to end, but far fewer need to end than do end in our society. That's definitely not God's intention. I believe that God's intention with the sex within marriage rule is that you are only having sex with one person who you've committed your life to. That you're planning to marry... probably, means pretty much nothing unless you are for sure getting married. I think you can be married in God's eyes before you're married legally, but I don't think this is the case here. Unless you can honestly say you had sex with full intention of 100% sure staying with this girl for the rest of your life (and she agreed) then there's nothing excusing your actions. (except the salvation of Christ of course)

[Jon_]

Originally Posted by crazymoose

Adam and Eve weren't married. . . .

Yes, they were. Marriage isn't a civil ceremony, it is a covenant made between two people in the presence of God and witnesses. Adam and Eve were bound by the marriage covenant. They weren't just "staying together" in a "committed relationship." That's not marriage, and sex within those parameters is still sinful.

[redbaron]

Is there any reason you can't be married now? Also, as mtlmom pointed out, it would be pretty helpful to know how old you guys are.

[athanatos]

just as virginity was rather all-or-nothing, so should your commitment. that is to say, you two got intimate, back it up with full commitment.

[Rainer.]

Hi, welcome to CGR.

Please don't revive old threads in advice forums, as the original posters are long gone.

Thanks!