[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by x_cheese_y

Bill: I don’t know what the heck your problem is, but you seem to want to paint a picture of me and my friend that I did not imply and that is not true.

-My friend (let’s call him Jose) HAS NEVER VIEWED HER AS LESSER. I don’t know where you are getting this idea. He is still dating her, and he does not think he is “better” than her. When did I ever say he was the one who mentioned her weight gain? I am the one who noticed it. He seems blind to the whole incompatibility-of-friends and weight-gain issue, but he has told me he does not think he loves her as he ought to. And that is ok for a courting couple-now is the time to be open and willing to learn about yourself and others.

Okay, so here is the issue as I see it. You. I am not saying this to be mean or attack you, but... you say your friend's girlfriend is gaining weight, and implying that she does not look healthy.

Originally Posted by you

I have a Christian friend who recently told me that he is really struggling with his relationship with his girlfiend of 15 months because he is not really physically attracted to her. I can definitely see this in him lately when he is with her. And I will admit, she has definitely gained some weight

Originally Posted by you

He does not realize it...he only wishes she would make a little more attempt to stay and look healthy.

In other words, appearance is the focus. There is a big difference between what you are saying. In fact you say this and it directly contradicts what you say next.

-When did I say her friends were ugly? They are not - she is a beautiful girl, and so are her friends. They are simply very different than him-much quieter and not as out-going -- in a different "league". And he was not even the one who used the word “league” to describe them -- that was me. So don’t call him an “egotistical jerk” if you still think it is wrong to use the "L" word. Like I said, he is not aware of any of this-he only is just realizing that he does not have the same attraction for her that he thinks she deserves.

Its funny, you are changing your tune entirely. Look above at the quotes of you I posted. Someone who definitely gained weight, you describe as unattractive, and describe as looking unhealthy is not beautiful.

Normal society usages of the word league do refer to value judgments. See the movie title, "she's out of my league" for a common usage. The use of league does not indicate a different social circle, but a different value. Major league, minor league, etc.

My concern is this, either you are miss-characterizing the situation or you are describing people in a manner which is very shallow.

And then you start saying, He is only now realizing that he does not have the same attraction that he thinks she deserves. Horse feathers I say! That is obfuscating what you say that you are not attracted. The reason you give is physical. In other words, he views that he deserves someone prettier, at least what you are describing.

I don't seek to pussyfoot around the situation. What you say betrays the heart. You use words which imply different things then what you are now claiming. Make no mistake, the situation you are describing is not selfless, but selfish.

I see you are in seminary...you'll make a great pastor one day, calling people names before you have even heard about their character. Call me whatever you want, and we'll see if I deserve it, but ONLY IN THIS POST HAVE YOU HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT JOSE AND HIS VIEW OF THE WHOLE ISSUE.

Pardon me, I assumed you were telling the truth. If you were in your first post, the situation is incredibly selfish.

Jesus called a spade a spade. He called people a brood of vipers, hellbound trees about to be chopped down, etc.

Perhaps your name-calling of a total stranger should be included on your resume for your next pastoring job. And don't get on my case for these attacks-I was the one who was called a "juvenile egotistical jerk" after writing three sentences about concern for a friend.

Wow, how kind of you. Beam in your eye much?

You attacked me. I said he sounded a way from your description. Note I did not say you or he were anything, but that your charicterization sounded a particular way. And I stand by that. The way YOU HAVE DESCRIBED HIM, sounds like an egotistical, shallow, jerk. I did not say you were.

In fact if you took it that way, I have to assume there is no friend, that this is you.

I am not saying he is or isn't, but that what you described is someone who views themself as in a higher caste of society.

[Fandrew]

I don't see this thread going anywhere productive. I'm going to ask that everyone please try to be civil. As the cockroach just said, it is quite easy to be misunderstood on the Internet.

Attraction is not based on physical attributes. Honestly, attraction is something that grows as a relationship occurs. There are many more things to be concerned with in a relationship.

There, that sums it all up, so without any more personal attacks or accusations, I am closing the thread.