[OiBoyz]

Originally Posted by Napoleon17

There's no way for me to lust after someone if I'm only seeing them in my peripheral vision.

Lust is in the mind, not the eye. I can lust after someone who's not even in the same zip code.

[mulletman]

Originally Posted by Napoleon17

I really disagree. There's no way for me to lust after someone if I'm only seeing them in my peripheral vision. Peripheral vision only allows for you to see that something is there... it's not that detailed. Heck, I've been standing 3 feet away from a chick who just got out of the shower and was just holding up a towel in front of her. It was extremely awkward, but I looked directly in her eyes and said what I had to say, and walked away. There was no chance of me lusting in that situation because all I really was looking at were her eyes. I think it's a good method. If it's not working then you're not doing it right.

Originally Posted by OiBoyz

Lust is in the mind, not the eye. I can lust after someone who's not even in the same zip code.

This.


And, peripheral vision may vary.... In any case, I can see things with quite a bit of clarity and detail in off-center viewing.

[bobthecockroach]

Originally Posted by OiBoyz

You're asking her to pay a lifetime of insecurity in competition with her own sister because you can't/won't control your own mind.

I think this about sums up the whole issue of telling or not telling.

But... to take a step back... what exactly are you, nousername, doing that is lustful? No one has bothered to ask about what the problem is, and without knowing that, I don't see how you can solve it.

There is a line somewhere between noticing a pretty girl and lusting. I'm not going to tell you exactly where that line is, because I don't know. I just know that looking at a pretty girl, knowing that she's pretty, and even looking at her because she's pretty is not necessarily lust.

The only clue you've given is that she's distracting and hard not to notice, but neither one of those things necessitates lust in my mind. I'm not saying there's no problem, and I'm not saying it's ok to stare at her, but if she comes into the room with a low cut shirt and you see the side of her breasts and look away to avoid being rude or avoid thinking too much about it, then I wouldn't say that's lust.

I would say the two actual actions you need to avoid are 1) looking at her intentionally trying to get a look at something which should be covered up (like if she's wearing a short skirt and sitting across the room from you and you keep glancing over to see what you can see) and 2) thinking about her sexually. These are actions, things you can actually work on. I don't see being distracted or noticing the way someone is dressed as something you can really work on. As Bill said, girls are going to walk down the street in bikinis from time to time. Everyone of either gender will notice that. That's not the problem. The problem is when you pursue something you shouldn't, either with your eyes by trying to see things you shouldn't or with your mind by imagining sexual situations.

[MtlMom]

Originally Posted by OiBoyz

If you feel you need to discuss it with your gf, be very generic. Tell her "I'm having lust issues. I really need to work on my thought life."

If you make it about her sister, you are going to drive a wedge between these two girls that can last a lifetime.

To any of the guys out there, this is a huge issue for a woman. In our culture we are told we have to look a certain way, and weigh no more than a certain number, and shave this, and curl that, and use this product or you'll never have a date again. We're told that our worth is measured by how we look, and that we're in a competition that's unwinnable. Some women buy into at the cost of their health and their lives.

To dump this in your gf's lap is to try to alleviate your own guilt on her dime. You're asking her to pay a lifetime of insecurity in competition with her own sister because you can't/won't control your own mind. Get a grip. Be a man. Deal with the sin in your own heart. Don't ask this girl to carry it for you.

Couldn't have said it better. Thanks, Oi.

There will be "distractions" for the rest of your life. People are by nature sexual beings. Learn how to manage yourself now, and you will save yourself a lot of trouble later.

[Dwight Schrute]

great advice all around. if you rely on someone else's behavior to manage this issue (ie. how her sister is dressing), you have given yourself an excuse to continue in this behavior. the fact is it's your issue, be a man and deal with it before it masters you. consider Joseph's dealing with Potiphar's wife in Genesis 39. and how many times does Paul write of fleeing temptation and sexual immorality in 1 Cor. and 1 Timothy? there is much wisdom in being where temptation is NOT.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by The Phantom Mullet

Hmm. This isn't the first time I've heard this approach advocated.... and I'm going to go ahead and say that it just doesn't work. Now, I'm definitely not saying that I don't agree with what you've said.

Peripheral vision simply prevents it from being effective at actually limiting your field of view.

This sort of behavioral change definitely needs to occur, all I'm saying is that this alone will solve nothing.

I'd say it would help most guys. Funny thing is, you are the second guy to say this doesn't help... the other was my brother who is a pilot who has incredible peripheral vision. Just FWIW, if I am focusing my eyes on a girls, my eyes can't really see much of anything beyond the face. (I have terrible peripheral vision.) I truly mean terrible, as in really makes me quite clumsy.)

But the main reason I would suggest this is a little deeper. A lot of times eyes give away emotions and tend to help you see a person as a person, rather than a body.

[mulletman]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

I'd say it would help most guys. Funny thing is, you are the second guy to say this doesn't help... the other was my brother who is a pilot who has incredible peripheral vision. Just FWIW, if I am focusing my eyes on a girls, my eyes can't really see much of anything beyond the face. (I have terrible peripheral vision.) I truly mean terrible, as in really makes me quite clumsy.)

That is interesting.... I suppose it could be the good old instrument scan.... I can evaluate a panel full of stuff that measures roughly 20x30 inches without moving my eyes almost at all....

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

But the main reason I would suggest this is a little deeper. A lot of times eyes give away emotions and tend to help you see a person as a person, rather than a body.

Agreed.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by The Phantom Mullet

That is interesting.... I suppose it could be the good old instrument scan.... I can evaluate a panel full of stuff that measures roughly 20x30 inches without moving my eyes almost at all....

or perhaps having exceptional peripheral vision is a thing those who would be pilots tend to posses. I don't know. Kind of ... ...an odd correlation to me.

[Becky]

I think there is a fallacy to the idea that husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, are suppose to tell each other absolutely everything. I think this is a mistake born out of the damage caused by keeping the wrong things secret.

You should NOT tell your significant other absolutely everything. There is even LESS you should be saying to each other premarriage!

Love does not Seek its own
Love ALWAYS protects
Love endures ALL THINGS
love is Kind

If you care about someone, you will base "to tell or not to tell" not off of a fear that keeping secrets could lead to issues... but on whether telling them is the most loving thing that you can do or not.

I'd say the majority of the time we tell people because we don't want to bear the burden of keeping it a secret. And other times we keep things a secret because we don't want to deal with the shame of being honest. These are bottom line the wrong reasons for making this decision.

Keep in mind that the kind of love God calls us to demonstrate towards each other, is that of self sacrifice.

On another note... Don't go with your gut. I'm not a fan of guys guts. Scripture says that the heart is deceitful. It says that His ways are not our ways. Our GUTS often are lead by our own needs and desires, and not by the Holy Spirit or love for others. People use their gut as an excuse to do really dumb things.