need advice, confused.

tlj009 · 01-26-2010, 02:04 PM

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I think they can get it, but they don't start to consistently put those thoughts together until they start becoming good abstract thinkers. Concrete thinkers are highly self-focused, and children don't develop abstract thought until around age 13. They're unlikely to figure it out on their own unless it's explained to them, and if for their entire life mom has taught by example is that you get what you want if you throw a fit, they're not going to know any better until she teaches them something else.

Parent aren't responsible for all of their kids problems and misbehavior, but it's pretty easy to tell how a student was raised/parented.

I agree. I didn't really mean to address the "its their fault" issue. All I really wanted to say is that they can be taught by an outside source. The step father can sit them down and point out the damage that they are doing. He can get them to consider the other person's feelings. I really wasn't trying to place blame. I was just thinking that it may be better to work with both the mother and children and have them work toward the common goal of having a healthy relationship with each other.

concealed61 · 01-26-2010, 03:08 PM

thank you tljoo9.

ICTHUS · 01-26-2010, 03:29 PM

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Originally Posted by sweet4smiles

I`m not sure how to take this. I hope the way I am reading it is wrong.

I do want kids eventually btw, but that is irrelavent to the topic at hand. I think kids are hard work but absolutely precious and beautiful. Nothing worth having is easy, as cliche as that is, its the truth.

Haha, I read it this way, too.

Concealedperson: punctuation is your friend. Please to be using it.

Andrew · 01-26-2010, 03:45 PM

Just to clarify, I believe Concealed is saying that sweet4smiles has shown surprising insight for a person who does not have children of their own.

**Fandrew** · 01-26-2010, 04:19 PM

Yes, commas and other means of punctuation are useful things.

concealed61 · 01-26-2010, 07:50 PM

sorry sweet4smiles for the miss print, I don't know what I was thinking. I meant to say thanks for the advice, you are on the right track. And thanks to the rest of you for pointing, out my grammar flaws.

sweet4smiles · 01-26-2010, 08:22 PM

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Originally Posted by concealed61

sorry sweet4smiles for the miss print, I don't know what I was thinking. I meant to say thanks for the advice, you are on the right track. And thanks to the rest of you for pointing, out my grammar flaws.

It's cool, don't worry about it at all

... and you are welcome. I am just sorry I didn't have much useful advice to offer. I meant what I said though and everyone else here has given you some wonderful advice and things to think about.

Like everyone is saying just try to use what resources you have there with you. Like friends, your pastor, counsellors... They all have the potential to be helpful in your situation.

Maybe your kids could start sleeping over at their friends places as opposed to yours? Maybe the kids could get involved in some kind of sports program, day camps, some kind of extracurricular activity that would give you and your wife some extra time to spend together and also some time away from them. It might also be good for the kids to give them the experience of being more independent. They might gain some new learning experiences or make new friends. If she is drastically attached to them she might not like it at first but if it was done slowly, maybe it might be an option? Only you and her can answer that.