Can't stand my best friend

**tmlfan123** · 01-25-2010, 11:29 AM

I blogged about this a little but I think I need some more help. I'm usually hesitant to post here because most of what's said is obvious and I wind up smacking myself on the head and wondering why I didn't think of it, but in this case I think I need the smack.

Background. So for the past four years, my best friend and I have done pretty much everything together, gone to the same parties together, liked the same girls, blah blah. We aren't very alike, but we seem to complement each other fairly well. He's an intelligent, funny guy with talents in many areas. But lately, he's been driving me insane. He seems to have no social conscience, and frequently says and does things to people that I hate. He bashes people all the time, sometimes to their faces. The case that brought me to this point I'll copy from my blog:

My best friend at home has no concept of social standards - we were at a girl's house on Saturday night because she had just broken up with her millionth boyfriend and wanted some company(typical broken household, two half-siblings, dad left the family, etc.). He didn't want to be there, made it quite clear to me beforehand, I didn't care, we're still going. Then I made some comment about a guy walking past her house who looked creepy, she acknowledges the remark, whatever. He comes out with, "Maybe it's one of your ex-boyfriends."

I feel like a mother to him - whenever he talks to my parents I'm always on edge because who knows when he'll blast somebody else.

help please.

**Rainer.** · 01-25-2010, 01:39 PM

Well, you're not his mother. And you can't make him change.

This is sort of an exercise in dealing with difficult people.

Tough love approach might just be to keep telling him that he's being a jerk, and eventually you'll have to let it kick him in the butt.

OiBoyz · 01-25-2010, 02:05 PM

You say he's your best friend at home. Does that mean you only see him on weekends?

penguinofwar · 01-25-2010, 06:29 PM

I think you've just got to be straight up with. Like Jon said, tell him that he's being a jerk. Tell him you don't want to hang out with him if hes gonna keep acting this way. I think he'd realize it most coming from someone like you, rather than anyone else. Don't ignore it, because that will eventually just make things awful.I would also reccomend asking him if anythings up - sometimes people start acting like a jerk because somethings bugging them. But by the sounds of it you could probably tell if something were actually bugging him.

I'd also like to say that the last thing you want to do is get really angry at him and just stop considering him your friend. I'm not saying you thought about this, but I once got so mad at a good friend that I just stopped looking at him as a friend, and it was the outright dumbest decision I've ever made.

**tmlfan123** · 01-26-2010, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OiBoyz

You say he's your best friend at home. Does that mean you only see him on weekends?

Yes, but most weekends.

Andrew · 01-26-2010, 05:27 PM

It's possible that nobody has ever told him that he is a jackass. You might just want to say: "Hey, stop being a jackass!" If he is being a jackass, and doesn't want to hear it, then you longer have this guy as a best friend. Or you helped him stop being a jerk without realizing it.

mulletman · 01-26-2010, 06:26 PM

Buy a bunch of stickers that say "I'm an inconsiderate jackass."

Carry them around with you. Whenever he behaves as such, grab a sticker, and slap it on the front of his shirt.

**tmlfan123** · 01-26-2010, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Phantom Mullet

Buy a bunch of stickers that say "I'm an inconsiderate jackass."

Carry them around with you. Whenever he behaves as such, grab a sticker, and slap it on the front of his shirt.

Thanks but no thanks.

**surferdude9375** · 01-26-2010, 10:37 PM

I used to be the jerk that your talking about (maybe not as bad, though). I ended up alienating a few people that I honestly cared about because of it.
Be honest and upfront with him and tell him to quit the "bad boy" attitude. Talking to him once and letting his heart take it from there is the only thing you can do and if he continues just it will get back around to him and he will figure out. I really respect that you continue to care even though he might lay a bad rep on your for carrying him along.