[Skifree0813]

I've been mulling over this subject for a while, as I've been thinking about the future of my current relationship. Essentially, I'm near ready to get married as far as the relationship goes. But the problem is the practical aspects. Seeing as how I have another year or maybe two of school and I don't have a job that could substantially support a second person right now, I don't feel that I can take that step. I think that if I were to do so right now, I would quickly run into trouble (time commitments, money, etc). I'm sure that some people are certainly capable of doing such a thing without that problem, but it seems like it should hold a fair amount of weight in making that decision. Thoughts?

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by Skifree0813

I've been mulling over this subject for a while, as I've been thinking about the future of my current relationship. Essentially, I'm near ready to get married as far as the relationship goes. But the problem is the practical aspects. Seeing as how I have another year or maybe two of school and I don't have a job that could substantially support a second person right now, I don't feel that I can take that step. I think that if I were to do so right now, I would quickly run into trouble (time commitments, money, etc). I'm sure that some people are certainly capable of doing such a thing without that problem, but it seems like it should hold a fair amount of weight in making that decision. Thoughts?

Doable, but I am pretty sure unbiblical. I did it, and it was hell. I think in a real sense you need to look at your priorities in life and see if it is feasible sooner if you are in that place. In a lot of ways, financially it was easier for my wife and I when we got married as there were no two places to live, etc.

Our first year of marriage my wife was still in school. That was not too easy. (We did wait till I got out, around 3 years, I was in undergrad for 6 for various reasons)

You might need to look for a job. You might need to find a way to make things work.

[Skifree0813]

Sorry, should have cleared that up; my situation is a little different than the actual proposal. It was more of a general idea than a personal question. I'm still not sure what the right choice is for me, and I've only been praying about it for a few months. She'll be working full time in a few months, as she finishes school about now, and my job is easily enough for myself. The biggest factors for me right now are my parents (they are certainly always a top resource for discerning things) and the time constraints. My mom has been talking strongly about finishing school first before any other steps, which I have no problem with. I do think it would be easier on my girlfriend if she had more support, financially and otherwise, as she's been pretty sheltered for her whole life and I'm moderately concerned about her first job being her potential career. But I also think that pointing that out, and the fact that it would indeed be cheaper for both of us to be sharing housing fees, it would be more readily accepted by my parents.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

I think biblically, waiting several years like that isn't right and will lead to a personal hell. Isay that as someone who chose that course.

Biblically speaking, if you meet the criteria of 1 cor 7, then there is no need to pray about it. God already gave you an answer. I ignored thatfor the most part and I endedup burning for a couple years. That's a personal hell, guaranteed, hence I would look at that passage and determine whether I was there. If you are, the answer is clear. Ignoreit at your peril. I did. I wish I hadn't.

[The wirerat]

Bill, what about the practical needs before marriage? By this I mean being financially sound, having a stable job, a place to live, ect. I totally agree with you about the I Cor 7 thing, but marriage is not/should not (IMO) be something you rush into just to fill your fleshly needs and keep from sinning.

[redbaron]

If you're a decently stable adult who can go to a job on time, you can make enough money even doing jobs that require no skills or training and pay your bills. You won't be living high on the hog, but it's doable, especially when you have two people contributing. I really don't see the "i need the good job and the house" argument as being that strong.

[Skifree0813]

I'm not saying that I need a good job or anything more than a single room apartment, it's more about my personal ability to be committed to a wife while having other obligations that will thin out in the near future. I understand that for some people waiting would be hell, although I know others who dated for three, four, seven years simply because they weren't prepared for what comes with marriage.

I think that for me, to get married now would be stupid. Simply because I would not be able to put as time into my relationship as I would were I finished with school (and the other thing I'm involved with at school). I'm not currently taking classes, but I will be again come January, and I don't want to be working with that type of transition as well as focusing on the responsibilities of being a husband. After I get back into the swing of things, sure, but I think there's plenty of things to consider before marriage other than the relationship itself. I don't think haste is necessarily biblical, even in this circumstance.

[tlj009]

I'm not saying that I need a good job or anything more than a single room apartment, it's more about my personal ability to be committed to a wife while having other obligations that will thin out in the near future. I understand that for some people waiting would be hell, although I know others who dated for three, four, seven years simply because they weren't prepared for what comes with marriage.

I think that for me, to get married now would be stupid. Simply because I would not be able to put as time into my relationship as I would were I finished with school (and the other thing I'm involved with at school). I'm not currently taking classes, but I will be again come January, and I don't want to be working with that type of transition as well as focusing on the responsibilities of being a husband. After I get back into the swing of things, sure, but I think there's plenty of things to consider before marriage other than the relationship itself. I don't think haste is necessarily biblical, even in this circumstance.

I suspect that you aren't ready for marriage and should wait. Mainly because you have said that you aren't ready for it. But I think that you are looking at marriage in the wrong light. When two people are married they become one flesh and live their life together. Your responsibilities are shared with the other person. You sound, and I could be wrong, but you sound as if marriage is just another responsibility that you will have to take on. In fact, marriage should help you with you current responsibilities.

A lot of times people focus on education, career, etc. and see family as an obstacle to overcome to achieve those goals. Instead, education, career, etc. should be tools to supply the needs of your family. No other purpose. When they hinder more than they help, they should be abandoned.

[Fandrew]

Originally Posted by tlj009

I suspect that you aren't ready for marriage and should wait. Mainly because you have said that you aren't ready for it. But I think that you are looking at marriage in the wrong light. When two people are married they become one flesh and live their life together. Your responsibilities are shared with the other person. You sound, and I could be wrong, but you sound as if marriage is just another responsibility that you will have to take on. In fact, marriage should help you with you current responsibilities.

A lot of times people focus on education, career, etc. and see family as an obstacle to overcome to achieve those goals. Instead, education, career, etc. should be tools to supply the needs of your family. No other purpose. When they hinder more than they help, they should be abandoned.

Couldn't agree more.

Unless I'm mistaken, your main reasoning behind getting married would be that it's the next logical thing to do in your relationship. Unfortunately, that's not necessarily enough. Also, what are her thoughts on the entire situation?

[Skifree0813]

Guys, the first thing I said was that I'm NOT ready to get married... I'm not planning on it for at least another 4 or 5 years... The whole point was to discuss why, i.e. that there are other things that people should consider.

And she would like to sooner, but has no problem waiting, because of what we've discussed (the same things I mentioned here). I pointed out to her that she needs to experience how to manage a job and living outside of her parents' (blinding) umbrella. This isn't a problem for either of us at all, especially since I'm likely going to be spending another few months or more out of the country in the next few years.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by The wirerat

Bill, what about the practical needs before marriage? By this I mean being financially sound, having a stable job, a place to live, ect. I totally agree with you about the I Cor 7 thing, but marriage is not/should not (IMO) be something you rush into just to fill your fleshly needs and keep from sinning.

nobody but the undertaker truly has a stable job. Well, the gravedigger too. But seriously, you make preparations. My wife and I's first apartment was 450 sq feet and I found a job about a month after marriage that sucked, but it was enough to get by.

According to 1 Cor 7, Marriage is something that is fully valid to prevent sinning.

Red Baron is right though, any reasonable adult who can show up to work on time can support themselves.

As far as the time thing goes, if you think your time commitments slow up after college, and you are waiting on life to slow down, you will be ready to be married when you hit the nursing home. Things just speed up, and responsibilities just get heavier. With your current outlook, you will never be ready for marriage. In fact the older I get the more I realize that nobody is ready for marriage or to have kids.

But I think that you are looking at marriage in the wrong light. When two people are married they become one flesh and live their life together. Your responsibilities are shared with the other person. You sound, and I could be wrong, but you sound as if marriage is just another responsibility that you will have to take on. In fact, marriage should help you with you current responsibilities.

Pay attention to this. I think you have a totally wrong view of marriage. Marriage really took immense stress off both my wife and I. My wife never lived away from family before we got married. I however, had lived on my own for a few years and roamed the country, and at points even lived out of a beat up old car. Guess which was harder to adjust to married life? The nomadism I had lived in made it a lot harder because I was used to suffering alone and never asking for help and always tightening the belt if needed. In short, because I was used to living alone, I cut her out of areas of my life. That is bad. You need to know how to live away from parents, but at the same time, it is over-rated to live on your own because in a relationship you are not alone, it is practice for something that will not help a marriage.

[acrossthesirion]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

In fact the older I get the more I realize that nobody is ready for marriage or to have kids.

This is actually what my fiance and I tell people when they ask if we're ready to get married (27 days from now ). Marriage isn't something you're ready for (just like having kids) it's something you learn, something you develop together.