[Guitarman121319]

Muffin in the oven:

There are two muffins in the oven. One says "Man it is hot in here." The other one screams "Ahhhhhh, a talking muffin."

I will have more I just can't remember them.

[Guitarman121319]

Walking own the street:
Three men are walking down the street. One walks into a bar. The other two duck.

*EDIT
Blond jokes: (I do not think blonds are stupid, but the jokes are funny. Please do not take offense to them)
A blond keeps walking down her drive way to her mail box. She continued to do this until her neighbor asked her why she keep on walking back and forth down the drive way. The blond replies "My computer keeps telling me that I've got mail".

Blond bar joke:
There is a blind guy in a bar and says "Hey do you want to hear a blond joke?" The other guy says "I don't think that is a good Idea. You see I am blond, the bartender is blond, that six-foot- tall guy over there he is blond, that wrestler is blond, and that bounty hunter is also blond. " Then the other guy says "Yeah, your right. I don't want to have to explain the joke five different times."

[Guitarman121319]

I found this on a site that is fun.
I did not write these. No, not one.


'Twas the Month after Hanukkah:

Twas the month after Hanukkah, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibble, the laxatives I'd taste
The Hanukkah parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine or the egg creams, the bread and the cheese
and the way I'd never said, ''No thank you, please.''
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
and prepared once again to do battle with dirt---

I said to myself, as only I can
''You can't spend the winter disguised as a man!''
So... away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of all chocolate, each cracker and chip

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
''Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want to chew only a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore---
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

[Guitarman121319]

Here is is a test for you all.

Professionals Test
This quiz consists of four questions that tells you whether or not you are qualified to be a professional. SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWERS. There is no need to cheat. The questions are not that difficult. You just need to think like a professional.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

















The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?















Incorrect answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the door.
Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out of the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This question tests your foresight.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?














Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking. OK, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your qualifications to be a professional.

4. There is a river that is known to have many crocodiles in it. How do you cross it?













Correct Answer: Simply swim across it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting!



That completes the test!

This question tests your reasoning ability. So...

*

If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you're a true professional. Wealth awaits you.
*

If you answered three out of four, you have some catching up to do but there's hope for you.
*

If you answered two out of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint.
*

If you answered one out of four, try selling your organs. It's the only way you will ever make any money.
*

If you answered none correctly, consider a career that does not require any higher mental functions at all, such as management, politics, law or medicine.

[Art]

Originally Posted by Guitarman121319

Here is is a test for you all.

Professionals Test
This quiz consists of four questions that tells you whether or not you are qualified to be a professional. SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWERS. There is no need to cheat. The questions are not that difficult. You just need to think like a professional.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

















The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?















Incorrect answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the door.
Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out of the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This question tests your foresight.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?














Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking. OK, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your qualifications to be a professional.

4. There is a river that is known to have many crocodiles in it. How do you cross it?













Correct Answer: Simply swim across it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting!



That completes the test!

This question tests your reasoning ability. So...

*

If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you're a true professional. Wealth awaits you.
*

If you answered three out of four, you have some catching up to do but there's hope for you.
*

If you answered two out of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint.
*

If you answered one out of four, try selling your organs. It's the only way you will ever make any money.
*

If you answered none correctly, consider a career that does not require any higher mental functions at all, such as management, politics, law or medicine.

Medicine? Seriously?

[RK_lover]

Originally Posted by Art

Medicine? Seriously?

That's part of the joke.

[dogfood]

wouldnt they like die in the fridge?

[Guitarman121319]

Originally Posted by Art

Medicine? Seriously?

Yeah, I don't know. I just copied/past.

Please note I did not come up with the jokes.

Originally Posted by dogfood

wouldnt they like die in the fridge?

Not if you take them out in time.

[penguinofwar]

I guess I'm supposed to sell my organs to make money

[Guitarman121319]

Another joke:

Person A: Where did you get that orgin?
Person B: An organ donor.