[relient nelson]

*waits*

[Phone Books]

Phone Books does not endorse.

[Art]

In Soviet Russia, thread makes phone books about YOU!

[Phone Books]

Is your interior decorating bland? Do you find your friends continually make excuses why they can't come over? Do you keep insisting that the color of the walls is egg shell when you know you just bought a big can of white paint?

You don't need to make more excuses, you just need Fancy, New, exciting, BIG, fabulous ART™ in your house. Call 411-793-60117 for any information on this Adequate proposal!

You don't need a new wife. You just need more Art.

Operators are standing by! (Ask for Chauncy)

[relient nelson]

:*(

[Ted Logan]

Originally Posted by Phone Books

Is your interior decorating bland? Do you find your friends continually make excuses why they can't come over? Do you keep insisting that the color of the walls is egg shell when you know you just bought a big can of white paint?

Eggshell is a finish, not a color. It is more glossy than flat, and less glossy than satin. Therefore, you get demoted, Phone Books. Look under "P - Painters" and you'll find my picture there, laughing at your ignorance.

[Phone Books]

Feeling Confident? Energized? Invincible? Do You Believe The World Is Your Oyster?

Then you need to call 524-691-018 and ask someone where you can find "TED LOGAN IN A CAN"™

He Insults You! He Proves You're Dumber Than A Rock! He Publically Humiliates You! He makes you cry so much that you can't even read half of the 'W' section anymore because the ink is too smeared He Knocks You Down A Peg In Front Of Literate Women!

If you order "Ted Logan In A Can" ™ and still feel remotely good about yourself after three days, you'll get your money back, guaranteed!*

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT CHEAP POSTS!?!?!?!?!! ORDER NOWWWWWW!!1!!!!! ALL ORDERS FINAL!!!!!!!





* By guaranteed, I mean you will not be seeing a penny of that refund.