Her or her?

Guitarman121319 · 11-04-2009, 09:52 AM

I am in a predicament. There is as girl I like named Lauren, but my Godmother wants to hook me up with her neighbor Ashley. Ashley and I do get along we are friends, but If we get together Lauren would question if my love for is true, but if she really cared about me like I care about her she probably would have took hold of me when ever she could. If she wanted to bad enough she would have tried to find a way to take hold of me. It just seems like Lauren could care less about me. Keep in mind I have liked Lauren for almost three years. She knew I liked her for about maybe one year. It was a mistake but I told her I liked her while she was with another guy, she said she liked me, but she couldn't just walk out on him. (Not exact words) I have been thinking about just giving up before the other girl. I just can't get my fingers off her heart. Should I give up, or should I not give up?

**Rainer.** · 11-04-2009, 10:01 AM

Neither. Don't get involved in a relationship yet. You are too young and thoroughly unprepared for the responsibility of a relationship.

Guitarman121319 · 11-04-2009, 10:33 AM

I have had others. I think that's out the question. I am unprepared to have someone to hold, someone to talk to someone to show how much I love them?

**Skeeter** · 11-04-2009, 10:45 AM

Dude, you're talking about the love you have for someone that you're not even dating. You're unprepared.

MisterDominator · 11-04-2009, 10:46 AM

are you trying to find a mate to spend the rest of your life with? or are you just using people to try and fill a void that is reserved for your bride to be? hope I'm not sounding too harsh - but if you're only looking for someone to tell you "go with Ashley" or "go with Lauren" then you don't want advice, you want a quarter to flip.

Guitarman121319 · 11-04-2009, 10:52 AM

That gives a lot to think about MisterDominator. I guess I am looking for someone I could spend the rest of my life with. I was wondering If I should give up on Lauren because she has not shown interest in me. Or should I not because I have liked her for three years and have put a lo of dedication in to how I feel.

**The Phantom Mullet** · 11-04-2009, 11:01 AM

You're 14. I'd say there's about a 0% chance that you're looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with. Wait about 6-8 years, and go from there.

Guitarman121319 · 11-04-2009, 11:05 AM

I know that's true Its just hard to admit. I guess I should consider thinking more about my situation before asking advice. I guess I should have thought about it for maybe 6-8 years. lol

**The wirerat** · 11-04-2009, 11:14 AM

Okay, so I got from an earlier post that you were 14.
1) Thats way too young to be looking for the person to spend the rest of your life with. Spend the time you have now, learning to be a man, becoming mature, and growing in your walk with Christ.
2) I never had a girlfriend until two weeks before I was 21. We were together for a month. I was still immature and unable to handle a real relationship. Since then, I've matured a good deal, and began a serious relationship with someone I quite possibly may marry. My point is, you don't NEED a girlfriend. In fact I would strongly urge you to stay away from that until you are older.
3) Like someone said earlier, it sounds like you want someone to flip a coin for you. If thats how you are going to decide between two girls, then you definitely don't have what it takes to have a good relationship. Take some time

Guitarman121319 · 11-04-2009, 11:16 AM

Like I said: I know that's true Its just hard to admit.

**redbaron** · 11-04-2009, 11:35 AM

It's not that us old guys are trying to keep you from happiness or anything, or that we're looking down on you because you're younger, because that is definitely not the case here.

This is one of those times where the "been there, done that, got the t-shirt" brigade has some good advice. The problem is that the likelihood of things working out when you're still figuring out who you are, and where you want to go with your life, and what the Lord's will is, how can you find someone who matches up with that? Don't get me wrong, it does happen, but it's definitely not the rule.

I would focus on being a friend to the women in your life, and treat them with the honor & respect that a sister in Christ deserves. I'd focus on following God's will for your life, and really taking the time to learn, study and grow into the man that Christ wants you to be.

Once you can be a man who follows Christ, and has direction in life, and have the ability to be married, and a provider, and all that good stuff, you will be able to enter a relationship with the ability to set the direction on where you want the outcome to be without saying "maybe someday in ?? years" since you'll be ready.

Sometimes it seems rough when the world says now now now! But believe me, avoiding heartache from relationships that have no real possible future will be a big blessing in your life.

I'll definitely be praying for you on this

Guitarman121319 · 11-04-2009, 11:39 AM

Thanks, I know you weren't keeping me from happiness. I think you for all the advice. I know what to do I just have to do it. I will try to wait. I just have to admit I am to young.

bobthecockroach · 11-08-2009, 12:04 AM

I'll just come out and say I don't think you're too young, I just think you're too indecisive and distracted. You're not worried about being with someone in a committed relationship, you're worried about whether Lauren will question your behavior and pleasing your Godmother. Neither one of these is particularly relevant when making a decision, and until you're at a point (a point, not an age; age is just a number) when these things don't matter to you and when you're making decisions based on what you think is right for you, right for the girl, and right for your relationship with God, you're not ready for a committed relationship.

Also important to note is that if you aren't ready for a committed relationship, you aren't ready for an uncommitted one either. If you're trying to have a relationship with Lauren without having an official relationship with Lauren, then that's no better than just having the official relationship. In fact, it's worse.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 11-08-2009, 12:22 PM

I don't think age is completely a number. It is a factor. Nobody is proposing 3 year olds should date.

However, in my experience, if you have to ask, the answer is neither. I mean, girls you date are not selections on the menu. A wrong choice is actually somewhat serious, in that it will hurt you, and her. If these girls are both friends, you do not want to hurt your friends.

My suggestion is to let things be.for a while. See where things go without pressuring them. The right relationship at the wrong time will implode. My advice is to not jump into any relationship, but to let things grow on their own if they will. Besides, in 5 years you will be a different man. Think about 5 years ago. You were 9. The next 5 years bring even bigger changes in perspective than from 9-14. I know that does not seem plausible, as at 9, I was a tree climbing, watergun toting little boy, and girls had cooties.

But in the next few years an even faster level of maturation takes over. And we always think we are mature. I certainly did by age 2, but that was my perspective, and not reality. I say this as someone who is 28 and quite sure he is immature in a whole bunch of ways.

Guitarman121319 · 11-08-2009, 03:30 PM

My parents say not how old you are, but how mature you are. With age comes maturity. They also said if I keep up in the word of God, by 16 I would be mature enough to date. I can have a girlfriend however.