[BillSPrestonEsq]

First of all I am not that smart. I just plagiarize a lot of my life from someone who mentored me.

1Corinthians 13 is an awesome thing to strive to be. My main focus is not to figure out who is the right girl, but rather, to be the right man. I will try to think of some serious thoughts.

Love is love. It is the things 1 Corinthians 13 says.

[mulletman]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

First of all I am not that smart. I just plagiarize a lot of my life from someone who mentored me.

I've more than once heard the saying from old pilots: "Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make them all yourself." No harm in plagiarized wisdom.

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

My main focus is not to figure out who is the right girl, but rather, to be the right man.

Yes. This is what young men should be striving for. This is where the effort needs to be expended.

[crazymoose]

Good call on waiting. You won't regret that. And you seem to be really trying to learn how to do this right, so I'd say you're already infinitely better off than most people your age. When you do finally date you'll do much better with it I think.

[Guitarman121319]

Originally Posted by Rainer.

Not exactly. That passage tells us how we should be. You should be asking yourself: "Am I patient? Kind? Never self-seeking?" These are the attributes you need to strive to be like, and it will show in any relationship, and especially the relationship you have with your spouse.

Okay, so don't look for the perfect girl, but strive to be the perfect man. I can see that.

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

First of all I am not that smart. I just plagiarize a lot of my life from someone who mentored me.

1Corinthians 13 is an awesome thing to strive to be. My main focus is not to figure out who is the right girl, but rather, to be the right man. I will try to think of some serious thoughts.

Love is love. It is the things 1 Corinthians 13 says.

I get it.

Originally Posted by crazymoose

Good call on waiting. You won't regret that. And you seem to be really trying to learn how to do this right, so I'd say you're already infinitely better off than most people your age. When you do finally date you'll do much better with it I think.

Well, if I truly love someone wouldn't I do what it takes to make it work?

I am going to find out who I am so I can learn who I want to be.

Thanks to all, I needed the heads up.

[redbaron]

It's hard work, but it does mirror Christian life, so if you're working on that it'll make it easier. The whole dying to self thing, and being a servant is hugely important in my opinion.

I think you're getting a pretty excellent handle on things though, and you won't believe how much better your life will be when you figure this stuff out early, and let yourself learn from other peoples mistakes & heartache, rather than having to use your own

[Guitarman121319]

Could I here someone's story of what happened to them while dating too young?

[Kentl]

Originally Posted by Guitarman121319

Could I here someone's story of what happened to them while dating too young?

Right here manly because you can read about it on CGR
I had two friends who where best friends of mine known them my whole life , mike and a girl who I dated,
And just like you I had posted about it and they told me don’t do it I did and well later on mike committed suicide (look at my sig) and she broke up with me but before that I found out
1 she had sex before
2 I was not reedy for a girl friend
3 I had a lot of growing up to do
4 I was a jerk
5 and I had no idea what I wanted



Now mine is one of the worse case things here
But you get the idea it almost killed me (for real)

[tht00]

Originally Posted by Guitarman121319

Well, if I truly love someone wouldn't I do what it takes to make it work?

Unfortunately, no. The sad truth is that breakups can be the best thing for both people involved (dating, not marriage). The make-it-work-no-matter-what attitude, especially in a situation like that, does not display love.

[crazymoose]

Originally Posted by Guitarman121319

Could I here someone's story of what happened to them while dating too young?

My ex-friend. He ran from girl to girl. Every week (I'm serious. It was literally every week) he would be "madly in love with" a new girl. He'd go crazy about them and follow them around constantly. Every time he claimed it was true love. Every time he got rejected and hurt by them. Finally he did date a girl, but there was no real base to it. They basically just stared into each others eyes constantly. It was falling apart and then it got completely shut down when her parents found out a month later... (ALWAYS ask her parents if she's still dependent on her parents)

Over the next few months he moved to younger and younger girls (easier to get). Finally, he, a 17 year old, dated a 12 year old who turned 13 a week into the relationship. We, his friends at the time, kept telling him she was way too young. How well did it end? She dumped him and blamed it on his "unsupportive friends". She immediately dated a new guy. That basically was the end of my friendship with him as he rejected his friend because of it.

Another person I know dated a 13 year old girl. The day before her birthday and a few weeks before their 6 month dating anniversary, she texted him telling him she'd made out with another guy and liked him better. Just like that it was over.

My current girlfriend dated when she was 14 (the guy was also 14), and she admits she wasn't nearly mature enough. She realised this a couple months into the relationship and told him they should wait until they were older, with full intentions to date him later. He got really really mad about the breakup and he basically switches between hating her and flirting with her even when I'm standing right there.

I can literally list 10 failed relationships of people I know well just off the top of my head. I'm sure I could think of way more. All of them were because of a lack of maturity by one or both people (usually both). In EVERY SINGLE ONE, both people were hurt badly. The thing about relationships when people are too young is that they almost never end nicely. They're usually nasty and painful.

[Guitarman121319]

Originally Posted by Kentl

Right here manly because you can read about it on CGR
I had two friends who where best friends of mine known them my whole life , mike and a girl who I dated,
And just like you I had posted about it and they told me don’t do it I did and well later on mike committed suicide (look at my sig) and she broke up with me but before that I found out
1 she had sex before
2 I was not reedy for a girl friend
3 I had a lot of growing up to do
4 I was a jerk
5 and I had no idea what I wanted



Now mine is one of the worse case things here
But you get the idea it almost killed me (for real)

O.o That's major.

Originally Posted by tht00

Unfortunately, no. The sad truth is that breakups can be the best thing for both people involved (dating, not marriage). The make-it-work-no-matter-what attitude, especially in a situation like that, does not display love.

I just meant I wouldn't mess it up so easy by not waiting. I don't mean ANYTHING. I am not going to change my salvation for a girl, I am not going to change my love of God for a girl etc. Those are somethings that can't be compromised.

Originally Posted by crazymoose

My ex-friend. He ran from girl to girl. Every week (I'm serious. It was literally every week) he would be "madly in love with" a new girl. He'd go crazy about them and follow them around constantly. Every time he claimed it was true love. Every time he got rejected and hurt by them. Finally he did date a girl, but there was no real base to it. They basically just stared into each others eyes constantly. It was falling apart and then it got completely shut down when her parents found out a month later... (ALWAYS ask her parents if she's still dependent on her parents)

Over the next few months he moved to younger and younger girls (easier to get). Finally, he, a 17 year old, dated a 12 year old who turned 13 a week into the relationship. We, his friends at the time, kept telling him she was way too young. How well did it end? She dumped him and blamed it on his "unsupportive friends". She immediately dated a new guy. That basically was the end of my friendship with him as he rejected his friend because of it.

Another person I know dated a 13 year old girl. The day before her birthday and a few weeks before their 6 month dating anniversary, she texted him telling him she'd made out with another guy and liked him better. Just like that it was over.

My current girlfriend dated when she was 14 (the guy was also 14), and she admits she wasn't nearly mature enough. She realised this a couple months into the relationship and told him they should wait until they were older, with full intentions to date him later. He got really really mad about the breakup and he basically switches between hating her and flirting with her even when I'm standing right there.

I can literally list 10 failed relationships of people I know well just off the top of my head. I'm sure I could think of way more. All of them were because of a lack of maturity by one or both people (usually both). In EVERY SINGLE ONE, both people were hurt badly. The thing about relationships when people are too young is that they almost never end nicely. They're usually nasty and painful.

That's pretty bad. Makes me want to wait that much more. How does waiting help me avoid break-ups? Or does it just help them not be so bad because I know who to look for.

[redbaron]

Think of pre-marrying age like a long distance relationship in a sense. Due to many of the things that go on while you're growing up, with school, and everything else, you can't necessarily say when you'll be ready to marry (18? 20? 25?) so there's an indefinite end to the limbo-land of dating. I just don't see that working out.

All of the long distance stuff I've seen work has been when there has been a definite time for both people to be in the same place again, and not some "well someday" or "maybe" timeframe. I think in some ways age is the same way.

To add to your list of failures, when I was 17 I was in a relationship that I got a lot more invested in then she did, and it ended up being long distance with no definite end in sight. Due to different levels of emotional investment, different levels of commitment, and no end in sight, it ended pretty poorly when I was talking to a mutual friend who mentioned her being out with her boyfriend (wait what?) of several months.

I think it's best to attempt this kind of thing when you're ready so you can mitigate as many relationship risk factors as you possibly can, and then work your best effort on making things go successfully.

if that makes sense

[bobthecockroach]

Originally Posted by redbaron

Think of pre-marrying age like a long distance relationship in a sense. Due to many of the things that go on while you're growing up, with school, and everything else, you can't necessarily say when you'll be ready to marry (18? 20? 25?) so there's an indefinite end to the limbo-land of dating. I just don't see that working out.

All of the long distance stuff I've seen work has been when there has been a definite time for both people to be in the same place again, and not some "well someday" or "maybe" timeframe. I think in some ways age is the same way.

That is a very good analogy.

[Guitarman121319]

I agree.

I am so glad I made this thread.

[Kentl]

i do want to add that even when you are older if it does not work out it will hurt but this dose not mean it was becuse you where to young, it is just that love hurts even when its not love
(the fealing evrey one calls love)

the simple mater fo fact it 99.99999999999 of the time the first one you date wont be the one you mary, you can wait till you 45 and it probely still won't
so dont think just becuse you wait means the first girll you date you will mary
that is another way to set yourself up for a not needed heartbreak

[Guitarman121319]

Yeah, I understand that...