[RK_lover]

I think people's definitions of "feelings" in this thread are different...

[mulletman]

Originally Posted by RK_lover

I think people's definitions of "feelings" in this thread are different...

Probably.

[bobthecockroach]

Originally Posted by The Phantom Mullet

I probably could have been clearer, and for that, I apologize. I was simply trying to emphasize the biblical description of love that is very much action and attitude based. My own poor use of the English language strikes again.

Action and attitude, yes, but not at the expense of passion. I dare say, if the *only* kind of love you share with your spouse is that found in 1 Corinthians 13, you may as well not be married. You can express that kind of love as friends.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5a (NLT)
The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations.

Paul is perfectly clear that sex is to be part of marriage (and he's also perfectly clear that sex should be a part ONLY of marriage, not of dating, lest anyone get the wrong idea), and Solomon is perfectly clear that sex should be passionate and romantic.

[mulletman]

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

Action and attitude, yes, but not at the expense of passion. I dare say, if the *only* kind of love you share with your spouse is that found in 1 Corinthians 13, you may as well not be married. You can express that kind of love as friends.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5a (NLT)
The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations.

Paul is perfectly clear that sex is to be part of marriage (and he's also perfectly clear that sex should be a part ONLY of marriage, not of dating, lest anyone get the wrong idea), and Solomon is perfectly clear that sex should be passionate and romantic.

I agree completely. You will find no argument here.

[bobthecockroach]

Originally Posted by The Phantom Mullet

I agree completely. You will find no argument here.

Alright. I just wanted to make sure this point didn't get lost in all the emphasis on agape.

[mulletman]

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

Alright. I just wanted to make sure this point didn't get lost in all the emphasis on agape.

For sure. I just know that as a teenager, many of the teenage relationships I saw around me were based only on a feeling or attraction. That was what I was attempting to dissuade...

[crazymoose]

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

Alright. I just wanted to make sure this point didn't get lost in all the emphasis on agape.

Yeah, the emphasis was because the sexual aspect of the marriage is the part people like. Teenagers tend to jump into relationships for the pleasure. They don't realize the other huge aspect which they're rarely ready for.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

I'm going to espouse a different view. I think largely, attraction is a choice. Maybe not the actual attraction but all the things that create it are choices.

Hence, feelings do not have to fade. I learned that first from a man who had been married to his wife over 60 years and they were still in love. My wife and I are almost at 5 years and still very much in love. (I know 5 years is not that long, but hey, its what I am working with here)

I also think that the 1 Cor 13 style of love is the basis for romantic love. I also really don't think there is a real bright line between the two loves discussed in this thread.

Generally speaking x10 on the 1 Cor 13 style love for anybody else and you have a love that I think will result in romantic love. Basically with most people we have boundaries. We have to. But with our spouse when you don't really have boundaries on how much you do those things 1 corinthians 13 talks about you become immensely invested in each other emotionally.

I don't know. I guess I see far less of a difference than I would have used to myself.

[Guitarman121319]

Originally Posted by Gods*Armygirl

Jamey, are you bringing another girl into the picture? Don't wonder if you love all of these girls. You will *know* if and when you do love them. If you're talking a friendship kind of love, then yeah I'm sure you could love her. If you loved her in a romantic way though you would just know, and I don't think you would be questioning which girl to be with.

I know we talked about this already, but I know that you shouldn't be with a girl if you don't have those feelings for her. Just because your Godmother wants you to be doesn't mean you should be. I agree with the advice that's been given to you, and I'm glad that you're praying about this because ultimately that is what you should do, but it seems like you're looking for a girl to be with and a girl to love when you just need to wait for it to happen. I know it's nice to have someone, but it will be worth the wait.

No, I am not bringing anyone elsw in the picture. I lost one actually. Not the one I had a fight with but Lauren.

[bobthecockroach]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

I'm going to espouse a different view. I think largely, attraction is a choice. Maybe not the actual attraction but all the things that create it are choices.

Hence, feelings do not have to fade. I learned that first from a man who had been married to his wife over 60 years and they were still in love. My wife and I are almost at 5 years and still very much in love. (I know 5 years is not that long, but hey, its what I am working with here)

I also think that the 1 Cor 13 style of love is the basis for romantic love. I also really don't think there is a real bright line between the two loves discussed in this thread.

Generally speaking x10 on the 1 Cor 13 style love for anybody else and you have a love that I think will result in romantic love. Basically with most people we have boundaries. We have to. But with our spouse when you don't really have boundaries on how much you do those things 1 corinthians 13 talks about you become immensely invested in each other emotionally.

I don't know. I guess I see far less of a difference than I would have used to myself.

This is an awesome explanation.

[Guitarman121319]

Originally Posted by crazymoose

It's exactly the way Jesus loves you. He's the definition of love.

And I'm not sure wanting to hold someone is exactly selfless... Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but this seems like physical attraction, not selflessness.

My intention with the last post was for you to think about that and go study the concepts of love and relationships as a Christian, not to just say "I'm there". I seriously doubt you are, as precious few people our age are. I don't mean to be condescending and call you young and reckless. I'm only 3 years older than you. I've just seen so many Christian highschool relationships fall apart because people jump into them the way you're considering.

Seriously. Wait. Wait for a long time. But during that time, you can read books and talk to people. Learn more about how a Christian relationship should be. Prepare yourself mentally. This isn't a snap decision, this is a serious decision that you're going to need to put a LOT of thought into if you don't want to fail.

Besides, at your age, unless you're really abnormal, your spending your time growing up in all the other areas of your life. You're still figuring out who you are as a man, not a boy. The last thing you want to be doing is dumping one of the toughest aspects of manhood upon yourself.

I know I seem to be a hypocrite as I'm dating at such a young age. Please realize that I spent months and months making sure I was ready. The girl I'm dating I've known since kindergarten and we've become more and more friends over that time. The last few months of preparing I spent making sure that I could truly make a decision to love her. I spent many sleepless nights thinking it over and over. I put a TON of thought into being ready for this. I've never been one to go totally crazy over a girl, so there's been times already where I don't feel like helping her with her problems, and yet I do anyway because I've made a decision to do so. I truly want the best for her regardless of how I feel at the moment. I truly want the best for her even when she doesn't want the best for me.

I can brag about all that, and yet I'm still unsure if I did this too soon. This is a difficult choice. When I say spend a lot of time, I don't mean hours, I don't mean days, I mean like months or years. You don't want to screw this up, because 'the worst that can happen' is a NASTY situation that I've seen tons of Christian people get into because they were unprepared, and you really don't want to be there.

That makes TONS of since. I get it! I should take time to understand me/my life/love/what a man is and does. *light comes on* I will wait.

Will everyone continue to post so I can get a better grasp of what you all are saying?

[bobthecockroach]

Originally Posted by Guitarman121319

Will everyone continue to post so I can get a better grasp of what you all are saying?

I'll sum it up like this in case I don't get a chance to post again: Bill is a lot smarter than me. Do what he says.

[mulletman]

I'll sum it up like this in case I don't get a chance to post again: Bill and Bobthecockroach are a lot smarter than me. Do what they say.

[Guitarman121319]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

I'm going to espouse a different view. I think largely, attraction is a choice. Maybe not the actual attraction but all the things that create it are choices.

Hence, feelings do not have to fade. I learned that first from a man who had been married to his wife over 60 years and they were still in love. My wife and I are almost at 5 years and still very much in love. (I know 5 years is not that long, but hey, its what I am working with here)

I also think that the 1 Cor 13 style of love is the basis for romantic love. I also really don't think there is a real bright line between the two loves discussed in this thread.

Generally speaking x10 on the 1 Cor 13 style love for anybody else and you have a love that I think will result in romantic love. Basically with most people we have boundaries. We have to. But with our spouse when you don't really have boundaries on how much you do those things 1 corinthians 13 talks about you become immensely invested in each other emotionally.

I don't know. I guess I see far less of a difference than I would have used to myself.

Are you saying to read 1 chorinthians 13 and compare it to my feelings for someone (like are you always kind to each other, do you ever boast about each other, are you ever envious towards another' etc.)?

[Rainer.]

Originally Posted by Guitarman121319

Are you saying to read 1 chorinthians 13 and compare it to my feelings for someone (like are you always kind to each other, do you ever boast about each other, are you ever envious towards another' etc.)?

Not exactly. That passage tells us how we should be. You should be asking yourself: "Am I patient? Kind? Never self-seeking?" These are the attributes you need to strive to be like, and it will show in any relationship, and especially the relationship you have with your spouse.