[headbanger13]

This isn't me being cynical, just an honest observation on what I see in my own and my friend's lives.

Why is it that girls love guys who treat them like crap?

[sweet4smiles]

Not all girls love guys like that.
The ones that do I don't think have very great self-esteem.
I think a lot of girls deep down feel like they deserve to be treated that way and as a result put themselves in relationships like that.

That may be a bit of a generalization but I tend to think it's not that far off.

[Gods*Armygirl]

I personally don't, and I know many girls who don't.

I think some may because it could be something they've grown up with, or they just enjoy the drama and just want it because it's exciting. Some do it because they've already been with the guy and they're afraid to leave and/or are just so attached and worried that they'll be alone. They might think they love the guy and they've convinced themselves he loves them too. It can also be that they don't think enough of themselves to thin they deserve any better. Like I said earlier, growing up with that or feeling like women aren't important or seeing how a dad or brother treats a girl can make them think that they don't deserve any better either. The last 3 reasons are the ones I most commonly see. There's a lot of different reasons, but I think that it's not the actual crap they're getting from the guys that most girls go for. This is just my opinion from what I've seen.

So don't think there aren't girls out there who want a guy who loves and respects her for who she is, because there's plenty of those. When a girl gets attached to someone (or when anyone gets attached to someone) it can be hard to leave, or to see things the way everyone else does, sometimes because they just don't want to believe it's true.

I hope your friends realize that they deserve better and look for guys who will treat them right. I think that eventually they will see.

[Ak_Man4Jesus]

I tend to think that any girl that wants you to treat her like that is not worth having, although being nice to them has got me nowhere......

[jthomas1600]

OK, this is not meant to be a definitive answer to your question, I'm not an expert on the matter. But this is kind of a pet peeve of mine.

I hear people all the time talk about how important a father is in a boys life and I rarely hear that said about girls. Where do you think girls learn how they should expect to be treated by men when they grow up? I've always felt like the most important thing I do for my two daughters is model the kind of behavior they should look for when they start dating and thinking about a husband. If I treat my wife like crap, and she puts up with it, doesn't it stand to reason that my daughters would think that was an acceptable way for them to be treated? If on the other hand, I love my wife, as Christ loved the church, and put her needs ahead of mine, and treat her as a finer vessel, etc. then that is how my daughters will expect to be treated.

I know this is probably not much help to the OP now, just something for all the dads on here and those who will be in the coming years to think about.

[kimberlyb0112]

Maybe those girls think that's how it supposed to be..like you said jthomas.. they don't have that example in their life

I dated the same guy from 15-18, we both met when we were really young.. and we turned into two different people. At first the relationship was great, and then as we got a little older, made new friends, etc.. it got bad. He started to get into drugs, etc.. and made some bad decisions. He started putting me down, and there where was one altercation where the police was involved because he did something stupid against me.

It wasn't like that the whole time, at first things were so different. I put up with him treating me that way for a whole year. I guess it was because I saw who he was in the beginning, and I was trying to fight to get that guy back. Plus it just seemed like maybe things will get better.. or maybe guys are supposed to be in control like that.. until I finally realized that our relationship was NOT right and that wasn't how things are supposed to be.

I think that is how it is for alot of females, the relationship does not start off like that but that is what it turns into. Then there are several reasons why it is hard to leave..
And what is scary is, it's easier then you think to get into something like that.

Before, I would have never thought that I would put up with a guy like that.. but I did. When you realize that you do deserve better, and that guy has to make his own choices..you can't do it for him.. that is when you know you have to leave..People can't change people, they have to really want to change. It's harder to see what's really going on when you are in the relationship, but when you step back..and recognize what is happening.. that is when you really see it for what it is.

[beanbag]

to add to what jthomas and kimberly said...

not only is it important to have a father who teaches by example, it's important to have a father. one of my friends--a girl about a year older than me--dated this guy for four years. he was absolutely rotten--he treated her horribly, abused her physically and emotionally, was imprisoned many times. in fact, when I first met her and became friends with her, he'd been in prison for a year or so for drug-related crimes. he moved in with her early in their relationship because he "had nowhere else" and proceeded to live off of her for the next four years, except when he was in prison. she went to school full time and worked part time to pay the bills, as she was supporting her mom as well.

she wasn't completely blind to what he was, but she refused to leave him. he had convinced her (part of the emotional abuse) that he had used her up so she was worthless and no other man would ever find her desirable, so she shouldn't ever leave him. he was the only man who would ever think she was pretty--or so he said, although he didn't hesitate to tell her that he thought she looked ugly some days. we (other friends and I) tried desperately to convince her to leave him, but she wouldn't. after four years, she married that guy. as much as I did not support the marriage, I love my friend, so I went to support her. I was 17.

where was her father in all this? not only did he not teach her by example, he did not stop this guy from abusing his daughter. just in case you guys didn't catch the chronology, she was 18 when she married him. she was 14 when he moved in with her and started using her. I wish someone--like perhaps her mother--had called in to report rape, as the guy is four years older than her and was already 18 when he moved in with her. it didn't work out that way. thankfully God has watched out for my friend, who became a christian about a year before I met her. part of the reason she ever married that guy in the first place is because she felt guilty about her physical relationship with him and thought that marrying him was the only way to atone.

as you can see, though, sometimes these girls get into bad relationships because they're preyed on when they're very young, and they not only don't have fathers who have taught them by example what they do and don't deserve, many of them don't have fathers at all, or the fathers they do have who come around every so often are worthless individuals. once a girl has been convinced she is worthless and should be treated as worthless, it is very hard to come back from that mindset.

[Rainer.]

Also, sometimes if you like a girl, it always seems like the guy she's currently with treats her with just a bit less respect than you would...

...just sayin'.

[The wirerat]

I am working with a friend of mine right now, who is dealing with a guy who tries to control every aspect of her life. One of the reasons she is still with him, is that she is terrified of being alone, she has no idea what it will be like to have no guy to "take care of her." One of the things I found as we delved into the issue was that her father, who is an evangelical PASTOR, was a very angry man who had little or nothing to do with her growing up at all. He neglected her, and now she leans on other guys, even those who treat her like crap, because she desires that father that she never had.
A second reason she stays with him, is she feels she can change him, that if she keeps giving him chances, he'll change. So far, all she's gotten is empty promises.
She is so close to breaking up with him, she says she is getting tired of the control. But she is absolutely terrified of being alone, and feeling unloved, even though she knows she has friends, like me and my girlfriend (who is her best friend) who will love her and be there for her. I don't know how to help her, but I talk to her often, and pray with her and for her all the time.
In the meantime, I try to show her, as best I can, what a real Godly guy can be like. If you have a friend like mine, I would encourage you to do the same. Maybe she'll see there are guys out there who would treat her like a princess, and like women should be treated. Who knows, maybe it'll work. But be sure to do it with the right motive, which is moving her out of a hurtful relationship, not into one with you.

[headbanger13]

I get what you guys are saying. I have a very close friend whose dad isn't around. She dated a guy for about a year who was cheating on her and who she never really meant much to, but for almost two years after they broke up she missed him and would defend him if anyone said something bad about him.

That said, I know great girls who have more or less solid home lives who still stay with guys who are mean to them.

Originally Posted by Rainer.

Also, sometimes if you like a girl, it always seems like the guy she's currently with treats her with just a bit less respect than you would...

...just sayin'.

That's just my ex-girlfriend
But I have several friends who this is based on as well. Like I said, it's not only me being cynical.

[tlj009]

Everyone here is talking about extreme cases but I have observed something that has totally confused me. When you treat most women extremely well, considerate, loving, etc., they tend to walk all over your and be miserable and angry in the process. But when you start being more forceful, even to the point of telling them what to do, they tend to be happy. I will never understand it. It is almost like a woman wants a replacement father rather than a partner. What do ya'll think?

[jthomas1600]

Originally Posted by tlj009

Everyone here is talking about extreme cases but I have observed something that has totally confused me. When you treat most women extremely well, considerate, loving, etc., they tend to walk all over your and be miserable and angry in the process. But when you start being more forceful, even to the point of telling them what to do, they tend to be happy. I will never understand it. It is almost like a woman wants a replacement father rather than a partner. What do ya'll think?

Well I think there could be two possible explanations for why you're seeing this. One reason could be that you are attracted to women that have a lot of similarities to what has been discussed in this thread. The second could be that when you are being extremely nice etc. you are not defining boundaries to the relationship. I don't mean setting rules like you're the boss, but most people need defined boundaries in their relationships and tend not to be happy without them. If the girl is walking all over you, she just my be trying to found out where the boundaries are. Of course she just might not be a nice girl.

[bobthecockroach]

Originally Posted by Rainer.

Also, sometimes if you like a girl, it always seems like the guy she's currently with treats her with just a bit less respect than you would...

...just sayin'.

Seriously.

Not to mention, we're trying to decide why a girl is with a guy based on *one* perceived aspect of his personality. Maybe he has an occasional temper but is otherwise the best boyfriend in the world, you just never see it.

I'm not saying that girls never go for bad boys. I'm just saying that it's not that simple. Nothing ever is.