[burningtr33]

nAs the school year is in full swing I took time to reflect upon my summer and all the events that transpired that brought me down to my knees and broke me down and the way God used other events to raise me up.

My summer begin back in June and around the same time I was getting burnt out at serving at church. To give you a little bit of background information, I serve at a really small (congregation is about 15 people on a good sunday) church where my dad is the head pastor. Since the church cannot afford to hire a youth pastor the responsibilities were passed on to me. So I drive from San Diego to LA each week to serve at church. And by June I was tired and lost my focus on why I served at church.

Than other issues begin to pile on. Couple friends were getting in trouble with the law and I had to bail couple of them out. There was this girl that I had interest and that did not work out. And other issues begin to pile on and finally when the whole issue with the girl did not work out, that became the straw that broke the camel's back. It was then that I was just completely out of energy. Starting from that point my sermons and worship times quality suffered because I did not take the necessary time to prepare for it. I subjected my kids to horrible sermons and horrible worship services. I used my school work to distract my head from the heart ache. During this time I was struggling with the passage Psalms 73:23-26: Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. What did it mean that God is my portion forever? What did it mean to say that nothing in this earth is as desirable as God?

Just as Elijah was led to the brook to be rested and fed, I was also in a sense was led to the brook to be rested in fed in the form of a youth retreat that I volunteered in as a staff member. I have to come clean, I fell asleep through all the sermons and services because the night before I only got 4 hours of sleep and throughout the retreat, staff had to sleep late and wake up early. But during the retreat I was just taken out of my routine and enjoyed fellowship with my fellow christian brothers and sisters. When I came back from retreat I felt more energized and restored. Of course my circumstances were the same but I believe God used that retreat to break me out of this tiring rhythm and to restore me. Towards the end of summer things begin to improve and my trials were coming to an end. But what I learned from this entire summer was this: treasuring Christ above all else even in the midst of all storms.

We christians often get comfortable and spew out "christian terminologies" in our couches such as treasuring christ and glorifying God. But what do they actually mean? Do people know the weight of the words that they speak? When I read Psalms 73:23-26 I was struggling with it because during the trials I really was not treasuring Christ but for the relief and the deliverance from the circumstances. Do we as christians know what we are saying? Do we as christians actually struggle with the passages and proverbially wrestle with God? It is so easy for us christians to sit at the local starbucks and spew out our christian lingo to impress each other when we truly do not know what it means.

I am not out to criticize or condemn anyone out there. This summer had to be one of the most difficult summers I have ever been through. I questioned God and his words. I struggled with Psalms 73:23-26 because the author declares that he has nothing that he desires but God, but I desired other things such as relief. The author says that the LORD is is his portion forever, but it seemed as if I was always lacking even if I had the LORD. And the LORD revealed something to me in this passage. First off my sinful nature and the depravity of my sin. I have to admit that when I look back at all the times preceding the month of June I was getting complacent and falling into this rhythm. Second, that treasuring Christ is a dangerous business. If you read the passages that lead up to verses 23-26 the author is in distress and facing tumultuous times. And finally God allowed me to better understand this passage. During this time of hardships God broke me down and I truly sought after God. I realized that it is in Christ alone and nothing else. I understood the author when he said that he has found no one on earth but God. I understood when he stated that the LORD is his portion forever.

Even though we maybe going through the roughest of the rough you can be assured that he will hold you by your right hand. I love the imagery there. It always brings up the image of a dad holding his child's small hand when they are walking down the road. And in the end we will later realize that in spite of all of this storm, that deep inside our core, we truly treasure Christ.