Parental issues

**DaGeek** · 10-22-2009, 02:35 PM

To put it bluntly, there's been some friction between my mother and me lately, and I'm honestly getting tired of it and just want to bring about peace, if possible. She's been getting frustrated with me over various small things lately, and doesn't seem to want to tell me what's actually bugging her when I ask (I dunno, it's possible that I'm not asking in the right way/with the right heart). When I want to do things one way (i.e. organizing something of mine, go somewhere, do X or Y), she gets annoyed and wants me to do it another way, or seems okay with it, only to approach me about it later.

I've been thinking that this may have something to do with a few of these things:

A) I'm almost nineteen.
B) I'm going to college full-time, so I don't have a lot of time to do stuff around the house that she has asked me to do, and I will honestly admit that I fall short of commitments I make to clean up around the house. She's been under a lot of stress lately because of several things, one main one being my sister, who's been on crutches due to knee surgery, so she can't help out much.
C) I'm getting deployed to Iraq soon, and I know she's not thrilled about that.
D) We're both pretty stubborn. I love my mom, but we don't always get along great. Part of that comes from the fact that I'm a lot like my dad, I think, and I think it annoys her to have two of us in the house at times, heh.

Whatever the case, I think I've been identifying some of my problems (I fall short of commitments I make, I'm not around enough sometimes, I'm about to be gone soon), so my real question is, what from here? What are some good ways to curb my habit of A) forgetting to do what I've promised, and B) not making enough time to do what I've promised? How can I work with her to actually work out whatever is causing this friction and make this smoother for both of us?

Any help appreciated.

Ak_Man4Jesus · 10-22-2009, 02:39 PM

I think that is typical.
Its the same way with me and my mom latly

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 10-22-2009, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaGeek

To put it bluntly, there's been some friction between my mother and me lately, and I'm honestly getting tired of it and just want to bring about peace, if possible. She's been getting frustrated with me over various small things lately, and doesn't seem to want to tell me what's actually bugging her when I ask (I dunno, it's possible that I'm not asking in the right way/with the right heart). When I want to do things one way (i.e. organizing something of mine, go somewhere, do X or Y), she gets annoyed and wants me to do it another way, or seems okay with it, only to approach me about it later.

I've been thinking that this may have something to do with a few of these things:

A) I'm almost nineteen.
B) I'm going to college full-time, so I don't have a lot of time to do stuff around the house that she has asked me to do, and I will honestly admit that I fall short of commitments I make to clean up around the house. She's been under a lot of stress lately because of several things, one main one being my sister, who's been on crutches due to knee surgery, so she can't help out much.
C) I'm getting deployed to Iraq soon, and I know she's not thrilled about that.
D) We're both pretty stubborn. I love my mom, but we don't always get along great. Part of that comes from the fact that I'm a lot like my dad, I think, and I think it annoys her to have two of us in the house at times, heh.

Whatever the case, I think I've been identifying some of my problems (I fall short of commitments I make, I'm not around enough sometimes, I'm about to be gone soon), so my real question is, what from here? What are some good ways to curb my habit of A) forgetting to do what I've promised, and B) not making enough time to do what I've promised? How can I work with her to actually work out whatever is causing this friction and make this smoother for both of us?

Any help appreciated.

I'd wager c is the real problem.

You are getting deployed to Iraq. Her little baby boy is going to a war zone where people are blowing each other up. If thats not a cause for stress, nothing is.

My advice, cut her a lot of slack right now. This is going to be hard on her.

**DaGeek** · 10-22-2009, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ak_Man4Jesus

I think that is typical.
Its the same way with me and my mom latly

Perhaps, but, if possible, I do want to bring about peace.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

I'd wager c is the real problem.

You are getting deployed to Iraq. Her little baby boy is going to a war zone where people are blowing each other up. If thats not a cause for stress, nothing is.

My advice, cut her a lot of slack right now. This is going to be hard on her.

Do you think there are any ways I can make it easier for her? I honestly am unsure of how I could do that. I've never been in this type of situation before. Is there even anything I can do?

jthomas1600 · 10-22-2009, 03:17 PM

I agree with Bill that going to Iraq is probably the big one. Also, speaking as a parent who has already seen one kid transition out of the house and has three more that will be soon I can tell you it's hard for parents to let go. Especially mom. I don't know how physically affectionate you guys are, but a few extra hugs might go a long way. So my advice...be nice, give her a hug, and do your chores

Wish I had more advice on the chores, all I can say is if you can, do them right away. When I get in trouble (yeah husbands have this problem too) is when something needs to be done, and I put it off.

OiBoyz · 10-22-2009, 06:29 PM

If she can keep you as a little boy, then you won't go off to war. So she over moms things.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 10-22-2009, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaGeek

Do you think there are any ways I can make it easier for her? I honestly am unsure of how I could do that. I've never been in this type of situation before. Is there even anything I can do?

I don't know. I think its just going to be brutally hard. Hug her, and take care in Iraq and come home in one piece.

**MtlMom** · 10-22-2009, 09:07 PM

Oh, good grief. *smacks Paul with a large fish*

You are going to WAR. Not only that, she has to pretend to be okay with it and be supportive - the good Army Mom. She can cry, she can scream, or she can pretend like it's all okay - but it's going to seep out somewhere.

Crap. I can't even imagine the emotion that she is suppressing. I'm going to have a good cry for her now.

**DaGeek** · 10-22-2009, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MtlMom

Oh, good grief. *smacks Paul with a large fish*

You are going to WAR. Not only that, she has to pretend to be okay with it and be supportive - the good Army Mom. She can cry, she can scream, or she can pretend like it's all okay - but it's going to seep out somewhere.

Crap. I can't even imagine the emotion that she is suppressing. I'm going to have a good cry for her now.

I honestly didn't realize that that much would go into it, but it sure feels like a duh moment now (maybe that's due to the fish?). Do you think hugs would help?

**MtlMom** · 10-22-2009, 09:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaGeek

I honestly didn't realize that that much would go into it, but it sure feels like a duh moment now (maybe that's due to the fish?). Do you think hugs would help?

Hugs always help. You should shower first though - you smell like a dead fish.

Ak_Man4Jesus · 10-22-2009, 10:09 PM

C was my vote too