[luvinjesus]

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
me.



- I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.



-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.



-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-That's enough, Nickelback.

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
not to be friends with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first
saw it.

-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the
only one who really, really gets it.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.


-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to
finish a text.



- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent someone from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.


-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.



-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
I do!



-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
would probably just be completely invisible.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want to have to restart my collection.

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
swear I did not make any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will
they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't
watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Crap!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
and run away?





-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.



- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.



-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.



-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and
the link takes me to a video instead of text.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

-If anyone found out the one password I use for everything I'd be in trouble.

gourmet points


-While I was driving today the song 'What is love' came on the radio, so I started doing the Night at the Roxbury head bob. I look beside me and the guy in the car next to me is doing the same. Easily the highlight of my week.

-I will give you 2 seconds to figure out that you have the right of way before I take it from you.

-I don't write on your facebook wall so you can comment on it. I write on your wall so you will write back on mine and make me seem more popular. Work with me here.

-My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time." I see "Time to Beat."

-Every time I hear a recording of my own voice, I'm convinced that I would not be friends with me if I were someone else.


-Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.

-I'm always disappointed in myself when I realise I've been watching the commercials on something I've DVR'd.

-No matter how many times I watch Titanic I'm 100% sure that if they had tried harder, Jack would've fit perfectly fine on that floating headboard.

-No matter how old I am, the entry for "Home" in my contacts list will always be my parents' phone number.

-Yes, Google, that's what I meant.

-Dear URL bar, can we agree on a number of clicks it takes to highlight the whole address? I hate clicking a few times then clicking like a mad person only to miss the one time it actually got highlighted in my frenzied clicking.

-I always feel dumb when I call my missing cell phone to locate it, then get excited to see that I have a missed call.

-It's so frustrating when my brain remembers that I am forgetting to do something but doesn't remember what it is. Thanks for trying, brain, but you're only making it worse.

-Please try again later means please try again immediately.

-How come the 30-second commercial runs fine but as soon as my video actually starts there's a huge "buffering" problem?

-Send message without subject? Yes, Gmail. Step off.


-To me, "wash with like colors" means "wash with anything else that isn't white"

-This morning I saw a guy roll up his newspaper and kill a giant fly...without looking! I spent the rest of the subway ride staring at him wondering if there was a polite way to ask him if he's a ninja.

-Can we change the official definition of "I'm on my way" to "I might be leaving in the next 15 to 20 minutes?"

-Yes, Internet Explorer, you go right ahead and display the non-secure items...I too like to live dangerously.

-There is no way to gracefully recover after waving to somebody that was actually waving to the person behind you.

-When I was your age..I would put 30 songs downloading before I went to sleep and would be lucky if 3 of them actually finished in the morning.

[normajean777]

Wow this is excellent. So much truth. Like an uncanny resemblance to my thoughts.