[anonymous10]

Originally Posted by gg7

None of the girls I've known who have gone through this have taken it to the police...for more than one reason. Partially because they felt it was their fault that it happened (even though they certainly DID NOT ask for it), and partially because they didn't feel that they could go through with what that would take. They already felt broken and ashamed (once again, even though it was not their fault), and taking that and putting themselves on display for other people while telling the story of what happened was just too much for them. I can't even begin to understand what it must feel like to go through that, but I can get a glimpse of why it would be so hard at least.

exactly.. she hasnt told a lot of people.. only her family and a few trusted friends know. and i cant imagine how it would be taking it to court.. the entire school would know (we have less than 300 kids, so rumors spread like wild fire)

Originally Posted by gg7

Whatever you do, don't pull the "he could hurt someone else" card in an effort to try to guilt trip her into going to the authorities...or at least that's how she might see it. There's enough hurt there without adding something like that onto it. It is her decision to make...period....and she is not responsible for his future actions.

good point.. i mean, i can see both sides to the argument on this one..

the last thing i want to do is make her feel guilty or force her do do something she isnt comfortable with... especially when the evidence, in this case, probably wont be there...

Originally Posted by gg7

All that said, It's really sad that there are no telling how many guys walking around out there free right now who have done this kind of thing to a girl or even multiple girls.

agreed. its so easy for them to blend in. i would have never known that about this guy if she wouldnt have told me.. its really sad

[Nate]

Originally Posted by Annonymous

hey guys!

so for the past 4 months i have been dating an amazing and beautiful young woman who has an incredible heart for the Lord.

at the start of our relationship, she shared with me that a couple years ago, she had been in an abusive relationship and raped by her previous boyfriend. this news was devastating, but i reassured her that she is still completely pure and beautiful in both my eyes and God's eyes.

we are both very open and talk about it whenever we need to. However, lately i have really been having trouble letting go of what happened to her. i have been having trouble forgiving the guy who did it to her, and i have almost been depressed, dwelling on the fact that her innocence was stolen and she had to endure such a painful thing in her life

she really is an incredible young woman.. seeing her faith has been humbling, and seeing the hope and peace that the Lord has provided for her has, in itself been a blessing to me. she deserves the best, and i want to be the best for her that i can.

so, i guess what i hope to get out of this thread is:
1) advice on how to forgive him
2) advice on how to stop dwelling on what happened to her
3) advice on how to comfort her, encourage her, and in general, be the best i can for her
4) any godly/biblical advice on this situation
5) and if nothing else, prayer and encouragement

any or all of the above would be greatly appreciated

thank you

Your language is very odd, almost paternal.

Empathy is not what you need. Sympathy is.

You don't need to put yourself in her shoes, to dwell on the pain she must have felt, to forgive those who have wronged the vicarious "you", to be strong when she cannot, or even to reassure her of her continued value in your and God's eyes.

You need togetherness: the ability to walk beside her, neither in front of her to lead her nor behind her to hold her up; the ability to share her happiness or suffering now without trying to correct either; and the ability to simply live your life with her.

I think, when it comes down to it, what you need to do is just be here, be present, and be beside her. Human emotions are not things to be fixed or overcome. They are the proper psychological and spiritual response to each passing moment or stimuli.

Whatever she feels here and now, you feel that.

Don't look at the past. Don't create a new future.

[anonymous10]

Originally Posted by Nate

Your language is very odd, almost paternal.

Empathy is not what you need. Sympathy is.

You don't need to put yourself in her shoes, to dwell on the pain she must have felt, to forgive those who have wronged the vicarious "you", to be strong when she cannot, or even to reassure her of her continued value in your and God's eyes.

You need togetherness: the ability to walk beside her, neither in front of her to lead her nor behind her to hold her up; the ability to share her happiness or suffering now without trying to correct either; and the ability to simply live your life with her.

I think, when it comes down to it, what you need to do is just be here, be present, and be beside her. Human emotions are not things to be fixed or overcome. They are the proper psychological and spiritual response to each passing moment or stimuli.

Whatever she feels here and now, you feel that.

Don't look at the past. Don't create a new future.

wow... you're right. all of that makes sense... ive been approaching this all wrong.

thank you for your advice.. that really does help alot.