Hurting

Adam K · 09-23-2009, 02:03 AM

Hey guys. I'm really hurting emotionally right now. I started hanging out with this girl a lot the last few weeks. And we were pretty good friends beforehand. And this girl and I haven't really communicated anything about our relationship with each other (about it being "official" or anything). But I felt that we had grown pretty close the last week or so. Anyways.
My best friend (a guy) has the tendency to be a flirt. A big one. And I always give him crap about it. This girl gave him crap about it too (but more in a joking manner). Anyways, anytime he had tried to flirt with her these last couple weeks she would turn away and ask him to stop (and even ask me to stop him several times - and I would). Now, tonight she starts flirting with him and he of course flirts back and then they are all over each other. In front of me. And every time I would look at her she would start flirting more. And it hurts. I really don't know what happened. I don't know what to think.

**Rainer.** · 09-23-2009, 02:11 AM

The worst part is always not knowing... If you really want to know, you have to ask her about it.

Adam K · 09-23-2009, 02:53 AM

That's part of the problem. We were never really vocal about our relationship and so I'm afraid to ask her what happened and have her say that there was really nothing between us in the first place and so I have no right to be pissed.

bravesfan007 · 09-23-2009, 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adam K

That's part of the problem. We were never really vocal about our relationship and so I'm afraid to ask her what happened and have her say that there was really nothing between us in the first place and so I have no right to be pissed.

Still, that could be one of the best solutions right now. Ask her to see. It could be that you hung out in the friend zone too long. I know of guys who have shown interest in a girl and thus they became close friends. He kept it there for too long and thus she may have been interested in him, but because he didn't express it, she moved on. It usually takes a little longer than this, but it's something you still need to consider.

Bottom line, you need to figure out what her feelings are. It could be that she feels the same way about you and she is thinking that you don't feel that way about her or else you would have asked.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 09-23-2009, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adam K

That's part of the problem. We were never really vocal about our relationship and so I'm afraid to ask her what happened and have her say that there was really nothing between us in the first place and so I have no right to be pissed.

By not talking sooner, you have set the stage for this. By continuing to fail to communicate, you will perpetuate and exacerbate the problem.

CHRISTISLORD200 · 09-23-2009, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adam K

That's part of the problem.We were never really vocal about our relationship and so I'm afraid to ask her what happened and have her say that there was really nothing between us in the first place and so I have no right to be pissed.

I echo bravesfan. Sometimes if a girl is interested in a guy, she wants the guy to same something first. And if he doesn't, then the message she gets is that the guy is not interested in pursuing a relationship with her. Basically what bravesfan said. But the only way you would know for sure would be to ask her.

And I again echo bravesfan (and Rainer). Ask her about it. I mean didn't you say that she had repeatedly asked this guy to stop flirting with her in the past and even sometimes asked you to make him stop? You could just ask why she changed her mind. You wouldn't have to come across as being angry about it because of your feelings for her.

Adam K · 09-23-2009, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rainer.

The worst part is always not knowing... If you really want to know, you have to ask her about it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

By not talking sooner, you have set the stage for this. By continuing to fail to communicate, you will perpetuate and exacerbate the problem.

I know you guys are right about this. Thanks.

I'm taking that step.

OiBoyz · 09-24-2009, 02:59 AM

Quote:

Now, tonight she starts flirting with him and he of course flirts back and then they are all over each other. In front of me. And every time I would look at her she would start flirting more. And it hurts. I really don't know what happened. I don't know what to think.

Am I the only one thinking that she's trying to make you jealous?

**The wirerat** · 09-24-2009, 04:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OiBoyz

Am I the only one thinking that she's trying to make you jealous?

I might be inclined to agree with OiBoyz. Its possible that with a lack of communication about intentions, she simply ramped up her actions hoping you might do something about it. I mean, it sounds crazy, but then girls do very very strange things to get guys attentions(of course it goes the other way too...but thats besides the point).
I'd follow along with everyone else so far. COMMUNICATE. If you don't its only gonna make it worse.

jthomas1600 · 09-24-2009, 09:16 AM

I agree with the two posts above mine.

If I am an apple sauce producer and am trying to enter into an exclusive partnership with an apple grower who is on the fence about our partnership one negotiating tool I might use is to let him know there is another apple grower I am interested in.

That may not be an apples to apples comparison, but you get the point.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 09-24-2009, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OiBoyz

Am I the only one thinking that she's trying to make you jealous?

No, but rather than deal with that Hydra, I'd go straight to talking to her. It could be jealousy, frustration, settling, or a host of other things.

Communication is the one thing that could clear this up. (I am not going to say it will, because sometimes things can stay murky for some time.)

You just gotta talk, and if you want a relationship to succeed, get used to talking, and communicating.

Nomes · 09-24-2009, 05:50 PM

Yes, communication is the only thing that'll clear this up.

If she is indeed trying to make you jealous... that's just manipulative. Girls that do that aren't worth your time.

OiBoyz · 09-24-2009, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nomes

Yes, communication is the only thing that'll clear this up.

If she is indeed trying to make you jealous... that's just manipulative. Girls that do that aren't worth your time.

There's wisdom there.

Adam K · 09-24-2009, 09:59 PM

The truth has been communicated. The problem has been resolved. Thank you guys for bearing with me in my weakness. It means a lot.