kmstreet64's journal

kmstreet64 · 09-01-2009, 06:05 PM

haha so i'm new to this, i've never had a blog or anything, i've never really been one to write down my thoughts. don't ask me why, but i feel led to this little journal area. maybe it's because my life's getting too confusing right now, and i just need to put things down on paper (or computer) so i can look at them and figure them out. maybe it's just because i feel like i need to tell someone. who knows. but anyways, this summer has been really good and really bad for me. in a Christian sense, it's been very bad. in a teenager sense, it's been very good. i've been having a lot of fun with friends (which is a change from the norm: my summers are usually spent inside with video games!), but these friends have led me to temptation a lot, which is why it's bad in a Christian sense. although, the past couple weeks i've devoted my life to God. i wasn't raised in a Christian family, so naturally i grew up with all kinds of secular music. my dad's favorite band is Slayer, and if you don't know who Slayer is, they're notorious for their anti-Christian lyrics. ever since becoming a Christian a little over two years ago, i've really struggled with music. i really really love contemporary Christian music, like Hillsong United, Casting Crowns, Chris Tomlin, and the like. at the same time, i really like to listen to music full of profanity and such, which causes curse words to float around my mind, which isn't good for my speaking. so, a couple days ago, i made the extremely tough decision (to me, at least) to clear off around, oh say 43 gigs of music off my itunes. i kept all of my Christian music, instrumental music (like guitarists), and bands that won't lead me to temptation. it was a really hard decision for me, since music is extremely important to me, but at the same time, it's very influential to me. but i'm joyous, because i know my loving Father is taking pleasure that i'm dying to myself and giving MY ALL to HIM!

wow, i do feel better

bravesfan007 · 09-01-2009, 08:22 PM

Welcome to the journals. It's a happening place around here on CGR and I hope you've found yourself made welcome. Just so you know, there is a running joke about Slayer on the forums. I won't get into it because it's too hard to explain. If you stay around long enough you'll find out we mention Slayer a lot.

JerRocks2day · 09-01-2009, 09:49 PM

Your dad's taste is probably like everybody elses as well as yours: different. Everybody likes different things. People u know may even get into Slayer, but that's there choice. I personally don't care for slayer, but I wouldn't declare that it's a sin to listen to.

But anyway, welcome to the forums. Since u like music so much, mind if I recommend some artists for you to check out?

Most of the them you may like.

**MtlMom** · 09-01-2009, 09:56 PM

If the music was leading you to sinful thoughts, then good for you for having the strength to get rid of it! There is a lot of good music that will fill your mind with wholesome thoughts.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8

kmstreet64 · 09-02-2009, 12:02 AM

that was my whole mindset, MtlMom!

and JerRocks, sorry if i was confusing, but i didn't mean it was a sin to listen to Slayer. i don't think it's a sin to listen to any kind of music, i just think it's very helpful to stay away from music that leads you into temptation. and i would love to hear new music, i listen to everything except modern rap (the only rappers i like from today's times are Eminem, Dr. Dre, and Young Jeezy. 2pac is a beast though!) and R&B. some of my favorite bands were The Mars Volta, Between the Buried and Me, Good Old War (i still listen to them!), Circa Survive, and Anthony Green.

ah, i must have stumbled onto it accidentally, bravesfan. either way, i just don't really like Slayer that much.

kmstreet64 · 09-02-2009, 02:24 AM

i've been having a lot of problems lately. my entire life, i've never really had true friends. people really enjoy using me, because it's no secret that i take pleasure in spending money on people and helping in whatever way i can. this never bothered me really, because i was happy in the fact that people could see my kindness and generosity, and my love for God. it's not a secret around school that i love Jesus. but this summer, it's really been bothering me. why do people not like me? is it something about me, am i just a person that's fun to dislike? or is everyone else just a jerk? i've been crying out to God so much, begging him to fix whatever is wrong with me. it might be my disability, idk. i can't remember if i ever mentioned this, but i was born with spina bifida and sacral agenesis, meaning i have to walk with crutches. i'm partially paralyzed from my waist to my knees, and below the knees i have full feeling but no movement capabilities. a usual side effect from one of those disabilities (i can't remember which) is bathroom problems, so in fourth grade i go a bladder augmentation, which is where they remove a piece of my bowel and use that piece to enlarge my bladder, so i have to cath every ~2 hours and give myself an enema every night. oh, sorry i'm rambling. but yeah. i've been made fun of my whole life, but it honestly doesn't bother me that much anymore. i've learned to laugh at myself. if you knew me, you'd understand, i joke about it all the time. but still, i can't help but think maybe that's why people don't like me. maybe they're afraid that if they get close to me i'll end up dying or something. i wish i knew. it's not the fact that people don't like me that bothers me, i have no problem dealing with loneliness. what bothers me is that i can't establish good relationships, which worries me about my witness. i'm not having enough time to really establish a good strong witness with the people close to me, and it really upsets me. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry? sorry i typed so much.

scared2mosh · 09-02-2009, 07:23 AM

That really stinks

I've had a lot of "friends" do the same thing to me... the best thing to do is pray to God that he will bring new people into your life that actually want to be friends. I don't think it's because of your disability. I think it's kind of how Job was tested by God (I've been through the same thing with friends... it's especially hard for me to meet new people because I'm homeschooled.) The Devil WANTS you to be miserable. Don't let him win. Whenever you feel lonely God is always ready for a conversation.

This forum is also a great place to chat with people when you are feeling lonely.

Dan

bravesfan007 · 09-02-2009, 09:06 PM

Oh, just so you know I saw it in your introduction thread, I'm a grad student through Liberty's online classes.

kmstreet64 · 09-03-2009, 02:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scared2mosh

Whenever you feel lonely God is always ready for a conversation.

mind if i sig that? that's probably some of the best advice i've ever had, i really appreciate it.

and bravesfan, i'm glad to hear that. i've spent a couple days at LU through their CFAW (College for a Weekend) program, and i LOVE it there! i'll be attending it again October 1-4, and i'll be going up there with a family from my church this saturday, i'm excited!

today was a whole lot better

i've been anticipating going to my friend's concert the past couple weeks. their band name is Rike the Martian. unfortunately, i'm good friends with their bassist (not the unfortunate part), and they've been having some problems lately. for reasons unbeknownst to me, they kicked him out of the band today... the concert's tomorrow. they said it was because he didn't sell enough tickets, but we all know that's crap. so tomorrow night they're just playing with two people =\ i've really gotta remember them in my prayers, especially their bassist. tonight was really good at my youth group. instead of giving us a sermon like he usually does, my youth pastor had us do something special. he cut off the lights, and had us all sit in a circle around the room, and put some candles in the middle of the room. he told us that tonight was just a time for speaking to other youth, asking for prayer, giving praise, or just sharing Scripture. it was pretty powerful.

bravesfan007 · 09-03-2009, 08:20 PM

I went to CFAW two or three times maybe as a high schooler. I was planning on going there for my undergraduate, but God led me another place at the last minute. Somewhere completely different from Liberty and it pushed me, but as helped make me a better person.

Do you have any idea what you'll be studying?

scared2mosh · 09-03-2009, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kmstreet64

mind if i sig that? that's probably some of the best advice i've ever had, i really appreciate it.

Go for it

kmstreet64 · 09-03-2009, 10:41 PM

thanks S2M

and ever since last Sunday i've felt God tugging me toward real estate. no idea why though.

and i think i've decided i'll mainly use this thing as a prayer journal, so i can see how God is working in my life. thoughts?