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Unread 08-23-2009, 05:30 AM   #16
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i come from a town so small, we closed the zoo when the chicken died

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Unread 08-23-2009, 05:31 AM   #17
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i tried to give up smoking using those nicotine patches, they were useless, they burnt my arms every time i tried to light them
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Unread 08-25-2009, 05:17 AM   #18
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a scotsman takes a huge jar of urine to a clinic and pays to have it tested. when the results come back he discovers that there is absolutely no sign of any illness. he gets on the phone and says "its me Willy, tell your Aunt Mary that there is nothing wrong with her me you grandpa and the dog.
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Unread 08-25-2009, 11:19 AM   #19
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i didn't get that caddie one
It would be too much of a coincidence if the world's worst caddie and the world's worst golfer got together.
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Unread 08-25-2009, 07:02 PM   #20
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i have a friend who is so thin, that when she goes to the park, ducks throw her bread
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Unread 08-25-2009, 07:45 PM   #21
and you were wondering??
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"outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend... inside a dog it is too dark to read."
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Taylor, you just got drive-by theologied.
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Unread 08-27-2009, 10:33 PM   #22
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a man goes to a pet shop and asks for 15 cockroaches, 35 woodlice, 12 wasps and 3 mice. "what do you want all those for?" asks the shopkeeper. the man replies "im moving out tomorrow and i have to leave the place exactly as i found it."
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Unread 09-04-2009, 04:27 AM   #23
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do you know why turtle wax is so expensive??.... because turtles have really tiny ears
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Unread 09-05-2009, 04:56 AM   #24
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i think my dog has a particularly cold nose, whenever he walks into a room all the other dogs sit down.
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Unread 09-07-2009, 07:49 PM   #25
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Regretting using Tetris bricks to build my house. The kitchen's just disappeared
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Unread 09-10-2009, 05:00 PM   #26
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my parents were so conservative, our roast chickens had no left wings
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Unread 09-10-2009, 05:39 PM   #27
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I love you more today than I loved you yesterday....yesterday you really pissed me off.
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Unread 09-10-2009, 06:08 PM   #28
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i knew you cared....
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Unread 12-04-2009, 03:55 PM   #29
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if there is H2o on the inside of a hydrant, whats on the outside?

K9P
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Unread 12-04-2009, 03:56 PM   #30
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your teeth are like stars....they come out at night
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