Does this work?

TylerGCA · 07-25-2009, 02:23 PM

I have a lyric that goes

and when my heart stops beating i'll know where i'm gone.
The grammar is wrong with the line "where i'm gone"

Is that ok from a songwriting perspective?

if i use the word going or ever goin it does't sound anywhere near as cool.

6strings21frets · 07-25-2009, 09:53 PM

I have an idea that goes:
Why don't you post the song (or at least the stanza with that lyric) and see if it makes sense then?

Honestly I think "going" would work better, but that's just me and it could be different for other people.

AlphaSigma · 07-25-2009, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 6strings21frets

I have an idea that goes:
Why don't you post the song (or at least the stanza with that lyric) and see if it makes sense then?

Honestly I think "going" would work better, but that's just me and it could be different for other people.

or, I'll know where "I've" gone. Maybe?

**tmlfan123** · 07-25-2009, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaSigma

or, I'll know where "I've" gone. Maybe?

Yes. "I've gone" sounds better.

TylerGCA · 07-26-2009, 02:52 AM

Well the song is about salvation.
and the last lyric of the verses go

So when my heart stops beating i'll know

and then it goes into the chorus it finishes the sentence

where i'm gone.

going doesn't seem to sound as good as gone.

i can't think of anything else.

ill post the instrumental.

TylerGCA · 07-26-2009, 03:22 AM

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**tenwatt** · 07-26-2009, 05:35 AM

I'd using goin' before I would use gone in that sentence. Approximate rhyme would be MUCH better than bad grammar.

TylerGCA · 07-26-2009, 05:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guyskankrye

I'd using goin' before I would use gone in that sentence. Approximate rhyme would be MUCH better than bad grammar.

i believe thats what i'll do. its really similar to gone anyways.

thanks

**tenwatt** · 07-26-2009, 06:49 AM

I guess either way it's bad grammar but I think goin' wouldn't be as uncomfortable.

AlphaSigma · 07-26-2009, 11:34 AM

That's ok because songs have never been always about saying things in the most grammatical fashion. It's about conveying ideas creatively.

**tmlfan123** · 07-26-2009, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaSigma

That's ok because songs have never been always about saying things in the most grammatical fashion. It's about conveying ideas creatively.

Still... it's nicer when you get both grammar and ideas together.

AlphaSigma · 07-26-2009, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tmlfan123

Still... it's nicer when you get both grammar and ideas together.

Debatable.

TylerGCA · 07-26-2009, 07:01 PM

well i was playing bits and pieces today and i can sing goin' so it sounds alot like gone.
Some really good songs have bad grammar though.

plus my band might play this song in chapel next year so i prolly don't want to make my english teacher angry.